Chore chart for dh?

**dogwalker79** · 10-09-2009, 01:41 AM

I'm so steamed...again!

Dh didn't clean out his lunch tote when he got home. I was just preparing his lunch for tomorrow and found something perishable that he didn't eat today. I can't tell you how much food has been wasted because of him forgetting to refridgerate something he didn't eat when he gets home!

He is also forgetting his other daily chores A LOT. He is given the bare minimum to do around here and he can't get it done.

He works more than I do, so I try to give him a break, but I'm just asking for a few things here (clean out lunch tote, clean cat's box, take out garbage/recycling when necessary, file important papers when necessary). Do I treat him like a child and make a chore chart? I'm at my wit's end!!!

**Grainlady** · 10-09-2009, 08:04 AM

Sit down and calmly ask HIM... Are you an adult, or a child? Then describe the problem, or hand him a list of grievances.

There may also be other issues which could require counseling (passive-aggressive) or a visit to the doctor (something physical) that is causing bad behavior - so do consider things other than disrespect or laziness.

Use the analogy that your life is like sitting in a row boat that's going around and around in a circle because there aren't two oars being put in the water anymore, and he's in charge of one of the oars. Let him know you are not willing to pick up where he slacks off WITHOUT a good reason, so if he doesn't take care of his lunch tote, he can just take a dirty tote the next day. That's HIS responsibility.

I'd also move trash duty up to a daily task so it becomes a habit - not just a "HEY NOTICE ME" issue. Hubby and I do dishes together after EVERY meal he's here. He cleans out his lunch tote in the evening while we do dishes (he prefers washing). When we finish the dishes and the kitchen is cleaned up, I sweep the floor and he takes the trash, dumps the trash from the two bathrooms into the kitchen trash, and takes it out. I don't think the whole thing takes us longer than 10-15 minutes.

Hope everything works out....

**savvy_sniper** · 10-09-2009, 08:16 AM

Did your hubby have any input as to what chores he should do? If not, that could be part of the problem. Sit him down, show him a list of chores that need to be done and and ask him what chores he wants to be responsible for. Maybe if he has some input he will be more likely to do them.

regarding uneaten items in lunch tote - does he prepare his lunch or do you? Have you asked him WHY the item wasn't eaten? If you prepare his lunch and he doesn't like the item, he needs to let you know. If he packed his lunch and didn't eat something, that is totally different.

Communication is key!

**ravenmaniac** · 10-09-2009, 08:24 AM

You have been given some good advice. I don't think treating him like a child, even though he is acting like one, and giving him a chore chart is the answer, although it's funny, I laughed.

I understand where you are coming from, I sat down when my husband was in a good mood and talked with him. I don't think they realize the small daily chores are such a big help. They keep you, as a family, organized and make your chores easier to complete. It also makes you feel like everyone is putting in effort and what you do is important and appreciated.

When you talk to him use I statements such as: I feel overwhelmed when the (small chores) are not complete. Try your best not to accuse him, sometimes it makes people shut down and stop listening.

I know you are frustrated but don't give up. Hang in there!

**Holding Pattern** · 10-09-2009, 09:37 AM

Absolutely NOT. A chore list for the home may work, it does for us, but giving HIM a chore list will solve nothing and only raise resentment. If you want a guy to revolt and do nothing then make him feel like a child, just being honest.
I don't know your dh's job or the stress/tired level but it may affect it...

**McD** · 10-09-2009, 10:02 AM

I don't think the chore chart is the way to go. Perhaps telling him, "I don't want to feel as if I need to treat you the way a mother treats a child. We are partners and need to interact that way."

Perhaps telling him the cause/effect (or letting him find out the cause/effect the hard way, hehe) of the inaction will help. For example, "Honey, if you don't clean out your lunch tote, I can't pack your lunch for tomorrow. I don't want you to get to work and not have anything to eat. "

Just a thought. We are having similar frustrations at our house simply because hubby's schedule is so crazy and I'm being left to pick up way more than I can right now. Hope you can work something out.

**Debbie-cat** · 10-09-2009, 10:13 AM

As far as his lunch goes...I would leave the old food in there and put the new food in...he will get the hit when he opens his lunchbox ...

**lotsadebt** · 10-09-2009, 10:16 AM

You could try a little aversion therapy. Leave the "nasty" leftovers in there. Just add in what you would to replace like a sandwich. After a few days the smell will get to him.

**dogwalker79** · 10-09-2009, 04:33 PM

Thanks to all! We will sit down tonight and have a talk. Don't worry, I've calmed down!

There was a period of time where he was forgetting to take his lunch almost everyday. I would leave notes on the front door, but he wouldn't see them. I came up with putting a plastic container with the word "lunch?" on it hanging from a ribbon on the lock so he would have to physically remove it to leave. That has worked really well and he likes it. I will see if we can come up with something visual like that, but not a child's chore chart.

**Karen1** · 10-09-2009, 05:08 PM

a chore chart for DH?

NO WAY

an adult doesn't require a chore chart from a wife---but that long talk---yup--go for it

**2ndGenGranola** · 10-09-2009, 09:14 PM

Originally Posted by dogwalker79

Do I treat him like a child and make a chore chart? I'm at my wit's end!!!

Ask him! Mine wants a chart if there is something I expect him to do.

I have a fold up white board I set in the kitchen with the honey do list on there and any time frame I expect it to be done.

EX:
Company is coming for dinner. Please have x,y,z company ready before 4 pm.

**dogwalker79** · 10-09-2009, 09:43 PM

I will see what he wants to do. I wasn't suggesting something with smiley faces and choo choo trains. I think a visual reminder of some sort could help him.