help....do i take a gift ????

[sabrelvssammy]

i need help....etiquette question... no time to write to 'dear abby' haha..

so one of the ladies on my block invited me to a 'brunch' on saturday that she has invited all the other ladies on the street to...they did it last year (i wasn't able to attend) and from what i understand it is a very 'informal' get-together....

so my question....should i bring a 'hostess gift' ? i asked her what i could do to help/bring and she insisted NOTHING over and over... but i don't feel quite right about that... i do not know her very well (friendly conversations passing in the street is about the extent of it) so i have no idea of tastes, likes, dislikes.....(my normal gift would be a bottle of wine) however, she may not drink.....

what should i do ? listen to her and show up empty-handed...? is that the norm ? (as you can see i don't do too many 'ladies brunches')......take a small gift ? a potted plant or something ??? and i don't want to show up with something and make everyone else feel bad if this is not what is done.....

HELP ME PLEASE !!! thank you....

[Karen1]

yes NOTHING
she invited you to her party
she wants nothing but friendship and good fun
let her have her moment. people do want give and ask nothing in return, allow it for her.

[Greebo]

Show up and be very gracious and thank her for the invite and offer to help.

Some people just want your company - accept it! You're LIKED!

[sabrelvssammy]

.

Some people just want your company - accept it! You're LIKED!

thank you Greebo.....

[nancycg56]

I am one of those people who cannot go to anyone's home for a get-together without bringing something ~ it seems rude to me and that's how I was brought up and it's ingrained in me now.

A couple of cute holiday towels wrapped up or some candy or something like that. I wouldn't bring any kind of food since that might mess up her brunch and she might feel obligated to serve it.

Conversely, I never expect anyone to bring anything to a party I throw. Go figure that out

[monkeywrangler71]

I would also not expect anything from my own guests, but can't imagine going to someone else's home empty handed. We always bring wine, but we know the people drink it.

Food is okay if it is clear that it isn't expected to be served, like a bottle of gourmet oil or vinegar, or a box of candy.

[Karen1]

Why---if you ask for nothing is it OK to receive nothing in the spirit the request was given------yet if you go somewhere and someone says NOTHING you feel it is important (or rude) not to bring something???

very weird issue here???

so the others who bring nothing cause "you request it" are OK and they are rude in your book?

this is how people get screwed up big time.


if you allow it for you to be OK for your quests---but not for you????where is the normalcy of it all??
LOL-LOL very sad in the fact that we can not honor what others want from us....if stated...bring nothing, then don't.....

[Debbie-cat]

If it were me, I would bring a small tray of cookies or squares to contribute to the brunch. That way you are covered on both counts. BUT I am sure she just wants your company because you are a hoot to be around.

[sabrelvssammy]

Why---if you ask for nothing is it OK to receive nothing in the spirit the request was given------yet if you go somewhere and someone says NOTHING you feel it is important (or rude) not to bring something???

very weird issue here???

so the others who bring nothing cause "you request it" are OK and they are rude in your book?

this is how people get screwed up big time.


if you allow it for you to be OK for your quests---but not for you????where is the normalcy of it all??
LOL-LOL very sad in the fact that we can not honor what others want from us....if stated...bring nothing, then don't.....

ok....now i am one of the 'screwed up ones'.... look what you guys have done to me....boohoo.... (ok-i admit...YOU didn't do it...i was screwed up already before i got here...).... but.... you are making me cry....how am i 'spose to know what to do now? the jury is now split 50/50...... maybe i will go for a mis-trail and develop a stomach ache the morning of the brunch... ugh.....

[G'MaDebbie]

I normally dont show up empty handed either...however if she insisted on you bringing nothing, I would bring nothing except a nice bouquet of fresh flowers :0)

[Lady_V]

Old School Italian here... it was beat in to our heads that if you can ring the doorbell with anything other than your nose or elbow, you aren't bringing enough...

HOWEVER ---

I always request that people bring nothing. If they keep insisting (usually because they were raised elbow ringers too) I would ask them to bring a bag of coffee.

If you mentally NEED to bring something, since you know nothing about her likes/dislikes/allergies etc -- wine, flowers and candy are pretty much out... A small festive (animal safe) plant may be the way to go. If you know if she is a coffee drinker (like me), a pound of gourmet coffee.

Quit stressing have FUN !

[Karen1]

LOL-LOL
Sometimes you MUST listen to others regardless of what YOU think.....listen, listen listen and it is so often not done. problems of the world start this way..LOL

if you request nothing to be brought---then you should ALWAYS insist nothing be brought.

if you defaul to "bag of coffee is OK" cause you pushed it one me, then the guests will always think that "something is requried"

[perSue]

Truthfully... you will be taking something... yourself!
Just go & enjoy yourself.

If you feel you simply must take something...
what about some cut flowers from your yard in a small vase?
One flower per person? Or a _small_ centerpiece or just a little vase to set on a side table somewhere.

[sinopa27]

She said repeatedly not to bring anything.....then go there with the best attitude, smiling and bring laughter and be the talk of the neighborhood.
But if you must.......cookies!! place on a cute tray with that cute special plastic (forgot the name) and a ribbon.

[nancycg56]

Said in my best Roseane RoseannaDanna voice "nevermind"