Resisting Temptation

**Ruby22** · 08-08-2010, 11:45 PM

I think I am addicted to shopping- I used to do it all the time, and even though I've relocated and had to go through the annoyance of sorting, donating, packing and moving I am still always looking for "stuff" or at least thinking about it.

I want to live a simpler life and not be so consumed with thoughts of shopping, new clothes, expensive meals, etc. I find that in my good fortune of having a family that could be a "safety net" in case of an emergency, I have lost my edge to save.

For several years I was highly motivated to save- I was taking care of my grandmother and in a long term relationship I thought was leading to marriage. Huge life changes derailed my plans and my savings goals. I want to build up an emergency fund but am worried that I will always be tempted to spend it. Is it normal to always feel so consumed with consumerism? Does it get any easier? How do you prioritize and de-clutter your life? How do you resist the temptation to spend what you've saved?

Please share your tips, stories or links that could help me sort this out...it is greatly appreciated!

**Ceashels** · 08-09-2010, 08:55 AM

I don't know if the following will help or not but I offer it to you as suggestions from someone who is a saver.

It sounds like you need to start making small changes in behavior to reinforce a mental shift from consumer to saver.

Can you tie a ribbon around your wallet so you can be reminded of how nice it would be to feel secure in the future? This way you have to think twice about buying something and it delays those impulse buys since you have to untie the ribbon and you would be untying it in front of the cashier which means you get the chance to explain and teach others about how budgeting and hard work.

You can also put a tag with your money/card that makes you think about what you are buying and why: Do I need or want this? Do I need it now? Can I buy it next week? Can I live without it?

What is your reward for saving? The future isn't always tangible enough for us to see it as a reward. What goals do you have for yourself? Can you save a certain amount of money then give yourself a tangible reward for your hard work?
ex: for every $500 I save I will enjoy a pedicure or choice of something that makes you feel good

Will having a visual cue at the door, in the car, in the wallet of what you have already saved and your goal help reinforce saving in your brain and discourage spending? (I have our EF and debt numbers posted on our budget board.)

Sometimes we need those little reminders to help keep us on track.

I would imagine that as the changes in behavior occur, the mental and emotional urges to spend will lessen. Greebo can probably offer more insights on this. I've seen a huge change in his spending habits over the past 2 years and I'm amazed by his ongoing success over his impulse spending.

**Russ** · 08-09-2010, 09:13 AM

I call this... "the Iwantchas"

I want I want I want I want cha.

When I get this, I have a stern discussion with myself, then review my goals, and ask the question... How far will this set my timing back? And do I REALLY NEED what I am about to buy?

Then I must get myself busy to change my thought process or I fail.

**Inkstain82** · 08-09-2010, 09:24 AM

I try to remind myself of my goals. "If I buy X, I'm $X further away from Z, and Z is what I *really* want out of life."

**mek42** · 08-09-2010, 09:34 AM

Sometimes I will see something I want but am not currently budgeted for. If I just buy it I will feel bad for being a spineless slimemold later.

The better answer is to budget for it :gasp: later, which may mean :histrionics: saving up for it over time. Combined with these options is to look for it used, on sale or otherwise at a lower price. Sometimes, if it is something I can budget for withing the next 1 - 3 pay periods, I can find one used and get it now (not right now when I see, I have to wait and look for the used one, but still from this pay period) from the blow money budget.

Now, and this is totally crazy, sometimes, after saving up for it, maybe I decide that I'm not willing to spend that much money on it so I wait longer - either long enough for some sort of deep discount or forever, in that I decide just plain not to buy it.

One way to fend of salespeople while information gathering is just to say "I'm not able to make a purchase decision today; I'm researching for a purchase in the immediate future."

**Greebo** · 08-09-2010, 10:00 AM

For me, knowing every dollar has a name means I can't just spend it. If the money isn't there for me to use (no matter how much is in the accounts), I don't have a choice.

I used to spend money not so much because I REALLY REALLY WANTED STUFF but because the money was there, in my mind, unallocated, so I might as well use it.

**ncarr** · 08-09-2010, 10:07 AM

I read Erin Doland's blog Unclutterer: Daily tips on how to organize your home and office. for inspiration. I like her analogy that your home is like an exclusive club and all objects brought in must pass the "velvet rope" test. Is it worthy? Do you need it? Do you really love it? Can you afford it?

I also have a one in one out policy--particularly with wardrobe. Anything I bring in one thing needs to go.

As for spending, once I have decided that there is a place in my home for an item and what will leave to make space for it, I have to decide if it is worth my hard earned money. I think of things in terms of hours of work as well as dollars. How many hours of work does this xxx represent? Is it REALLY worth that? Do I REALLY need it?

Finally, and this will sound odd to a lot of people, I get my "shopping buzz" in places other than the mall in order to not feel deprived. I stockpile food and HBAs so rather than get a "rush" from buying clothes or other junk from the mall I now get it from my weekly $40 a week grocery trip. I enjoy using coupons to see how much I can get to add to our stockpile on our budget. It has become a hobby. I even made a spreadsheet of everything in stock so I know what we need and what we don't. It's become a game to me and I get to enjoy shopping without stepping foot in a mall. I used to HATE grocery shopping. Now I plan all of our meals for the week around sales and really enjoy it.

**ruderring** · 08-09-2010, 11:00 AM

ncarr, I do the very same thing as you do with groceries. This is how I get my shopping fix for the week so, as you see it is not odd. My suggestion is start saving small and then it becomes addictive. I don't want to spend the money I have saved even if it does have a purpose like I saved money for vacation and had a hard time finding anything I wanted to spend it on so I didn't. We had a fairly cheap vacation and feel pretty good about having the additional savings to use in case of an emergency. I have went the opposite way. I use to love shopping but now see how much fun saving is. I love it!!! Best of luck!!

**Englishlady** · 08-09-2010, 12:31 PM

I am a big fan of Don Aslett "Clutters last stand" he doesn't just tell you how to declutter all the junk, he looks into our reasons for buying and keeping stuff, when I feel myself wanting stuff I re-read his book and it makes me realise I already have too much.

Remember that experiences are better than stuff, you can re-live the happy memories for ever.

"Stuff" needs cleaning/moving/sorting and doesn't give us a warm glow like an experience.

I would rather have a trip/vacation/nice meal than more "stuff".

Here is a good one start to make an inventory of EVERY item in you home, room by room, bet you $ to donut you will be appalled at how much stuff you have

THEN see how eager you are to buy

Good luck........... the more you practice restraint the easier it gets.

**NikoSan999** · 08-09-2010, 02:38 PM

[QUOTE=ncarr;1400728}
Finally, and this will sound odd to a lot of people, I get my "shopping buzz" in places other than the mall in order to not feel deprived. I stockpile food and HBAs so rather than get a "rush" from buying clothes or other junk from the mall I now get it from my weekly $40 a week grocery trip. I enjoy using coupons to see how much I can get to add to our stockpile on our budget. It has become a hobby. I even made a spreadsheet of everything in stock so I know what we need and what we don't. It's become a game to me and I get to enjoy shopping without stepping foot in a mall. I used to HATE grocery shopping. Now I plan all of our meals for the week around sales and really enjoy it.[/QUOTE]
Not odd to me either. How I get my shopping buzz also. I call it beating the system. Between hunting freebies ( also gives one something to DO..not just because free.) and checking out BOGO's and coupons to go with them and just really good deals I've managed to pretty much maintain my 6 month stockpile goal. I get to shop for a good cause without piling in more clothes, whatnots etc. I love to grocery shop especially if I have all the time I want

**Ruby22** · 08-09-2010, 03:42 PM

Ceashels- what a great response! I agree- sometimes "the future" isn't a tangible goal that I can get excited about. Saving for an emergency fund would bring me lots of comfort, but since I no longer have a goal in mind (a wedding) I sometimes struggle to get the motivation to save for a future illness, job loss, etc. in an emergency fund, even if I know it's the right thing to do.

Yesterday, while shopping at Target I could see the plus of having a goal. I have been wanting a new pair of professional looking black pumps for work/formal events. I got tempted by two pairs of shoes yesterday (one on clearance) but neither were really the versatile shoe I was *dreaming* about so after having them in my cart for a half hour and roaming around, I put them both back. I think I'm slowly learning the art of self control, to save up for a big ticket item that I love, instead of impulse buys that aren't purposeful or planned for.

Thank you ALL for your posts. I'm going to try and take my big goal of saving for an emergency fund/student loans into smaller, more manageable bits with small rewards that will get me excited.

I can see for people saving is empowerment or even a fun thing to do, it's not solely about denial or feeling impoverished. I'm truly hoping that my tactics of frugality and simplicity will lead to a greater sense of abundance and foster dreams, not short lived desires.

thanks!

**Ceashels** · 08-09-2010, 04:10 PM

Originally Posted by Ruby22

I can see for people saving is empowerment or even a fun thing to do, it's not solely about denial or feeling impoverished. I'm truly hoping that my tactics of frugality and simplicity will lead to a greater sense of abundance and foster dreams not short lived desires. thanks!

Your now highlighted words are exactly what I would be wanting to read every time I open my wallet. Let us know how it goes and what you do to keep yourself motivated for those bigger goals.