Has anyone been an executor?

[frugalfranny]

I just received notice that my dad is not long for this world. I think most of you know that he has had Alz. for years, so that part I have pretty much come to terms with.......(but are you EVER really ready??)

Here is the kicker...........

I KNOW the laws are diff. in each state.........but........if anyone
has EVER been an executor and has tips to give I would so
much appreciate it. Or have heard of other experiences with tips to give.............PLEASE SHARE.

I am the executor of his will, while my sister has been the POA while he has been in a home. Not sure what his death will do to this situation, but we have been pretty dysfunctional since he went into the home.......we email--about dad only. If it makes a diff.----I get half and the other two kids split the other half.

ALL HELP APPRECIATED.............TIA.....(I don't have a clue what I am doing with this.....been avidly reading about it!!)

[mamachop]

I can't help you with the legal stuff, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. Please take care and I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

[Contrary Housewife]

My husband was executor of his father's estate. The lawyer handling the will botched it and we had to hire another lawyer to file the paperwork with the county (because we had no idea what to do and DH couldn't take days off to go sit in the courthouse downtown, AND the botch-up made the will void anyway). Other than that it pretty much just came down to DH writing his brother a check for his half of the estate, and then DH and I settling all of Pop's remaining business and debts (like with his apt, medical equipment rental, etc)

If you and the other beneficiaries are at odds I strongly suggest you hire a cheap lawyer to help you. He or she would be a neutral 3rd party making sure everything is accounted for and divided properly and will hopefully give everyone else peace of mind that it is being done "fairly" with as little bickering and vitriol as possible.

[Ramona]

I've never been an executor but my uncle passed away here in MA without a will.

Our lawyer interpreted the laws of the state for us so we could divide his assets fairly.

You do need a lawyer's help, I believe.

[frugalfranny]

Thanks!

I spent a fair amt. of time yesterday reading online.

Tuesday it will be the library.

Am hoping that my sister (POA) and I can work together on this and make it easy. It has been a long, tough road watching him deteriorate when he loved life and being a hard working farmer.

[Paws]

frugalfranny, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this troubling and trying time...::hug::

I'm the executrix of my Grandfather's will-((I was also his POA))...it's been going on now for almost 4 years...a HUGE headache.

Almost all the issues and problems are from family members...money and material possessions have a way of bringing out the worst in people...or at least that's true in parts of my family.

The other problem is I don't have a very proactive attorney. I'm hopeful the ball will finally get to rolling and keep on til it's done.

That being said...I really don't think most have many problems with probating and executing wills.

The one biggest piece of advice I can give...make sure you get a GOOD attorney that has lots and lots of experience in probating wills.
Try to stay on good terms with all your family members that are mentioned in the will...it makes things a bit easier.
And don't forget to research the laws in your state pertaining to wills and executing them.

[fernykins]

I guess I was lucky when my son died he gave me everything and when his father started being a horses A$$
i Told him if he did everything including pay for the funeral he had a say, of course He didn't want to pay so he shut his mouth. I'm sorry to hear about your dads failing health. Get an estate lawyer. I did for some of my sons stuff it made it easier. Good luck
Fern

[pinecone]

Hugs to you, my DMIL had Alz. I learned after her passing that we had been mourning for her for 7 years as she faded away. The easy part will be dividing the money but "who gets the yellow pie plate"? There is a book of that title although your Dad is past that place, it makes a good read for the rest of us. I will be facing this at some time and am researching attys in our area. If you are out of state you will need a local representative to act in your behalf. Yep, get a lawyer, the POA ceases upon his death. Hugs. ((( )))

piney

[melodys]

I have done this, and death can turn perfectly normal people into greedy monsters. If it is a dysfunctional family it can be even worse. Trust no one.

The POA ends at his death. The responsibility then goes to the executor.

Start making final arrangements now. It is cheaper and somewhat less stressful if you start before he passes.

Change the locks on the house as soon as he passes. People can and do start marching right in and taking things, and you need to prevent this.

Next get a very good attorney. You will need several copies of the death certificate. Then start figuring out what the assets and liabilities are. Find all insurance accounts, bank accounts, pensions, stocks and all other property and start notifying everyone. Many accounts will have beneficiaries and that takes precedence over the will.

All liabilities will need to get paid before the beneficiaries do. You will need an estate bank account to receive the funds and pay the liabilities and beneficiaries.

[KeithBC]

Sorry to hear about your Dad.

Make sure everything about the will is kosher. My mother left a holographic will - one written in her own handwriting and signed by her alone. It was legal in the province where she used to live. But she had moved to another province where that kind of will was not legal, without updating it. My poor brother, who would have been executor, had the will been legal, had a nightmare year of trying to wrap up her estate. He got it done, but everything took twice as long and three times as much paperwork as it should have.

[Jessesbride]

Each state is different, but I would talk to an attorney (or several) ... Our attorney has helped tremendously with me having to deal with my dad's estate. As I'm an only child, while it was easier for me not to have to deal with anyone else, that also meant it was my problem & mine alone (my parents had divorced 10+ yrs earlier)... When talking to your attorney, have them give you an idea of the items that you are looking for. Make sure you have a key to get into his house etc & that you even have the only key (even if changing locks) after he's gone. That sounds rude, but it's not. Families, even the best of them are known to turn on each other in the case of death. That way no one can steal from the deceased estate.

Hope that helps!

Kim

[Jessesbride]

Make sure it's one who deals with estates & that said attorney has handled many & is experienced... get referrals if possible!!!

[Frugal-Freelancer]

a good place to start is the county clerk's office. The will let you know about all the deadlines, which attorneys they deal with (and sometime the scoop on the good ones) and how and where to begin. Sorry for your loss, it's never easy. Thoughts and prayers

[frugalfranny]

Thanks to all.

Every little tidbit helps and gives me things to 'watch for'...

He is still hanging in there but is having trouble swallowing. We are hoping he just goes to sleep and doesn't wake up.

This "could" go really smooth as the farm and most everything has already been sold. He still has one piece of property in Idaho, I think, if it wasn't sold. He is in a nursing home so the belongings have already been done........no vehicles or anything.

It will just be rounding up the money part.......doing all the paper work and the one piece of land. No other "material" things.

From this posting I am creating a list of people to call and ask questions........so thanks to all!!

I KNOW it is for the best............but don't think me telling myself that makes it any easier!!

[Libby]

I hope things go smoothly for you and that you stay strong through this. I know in my future (not immediate, thx goodness) that I will have to go through all of this with my dad and my other siblings. If they're all 'greedy' now while he's still here and decently healthy, I'm afraid to see what a nightmare it will be when he passes.

I do know that with land, you will need to work with a specific lawyer that will deal with that separate from a will/estate lawyer. The will/estate lawyer may be able to refer you to someone.

Not sure if it costs but usually the first meeting with a lawyer is free right? Maybe present the same basic info to three different lawyers and see what they say. Hopefully they will say similar things and then you can just pick one. If they all contradict each other - time to consult a 4th or 5th etc. til you find one that you feel comfortable dealing with.