Wedding question....
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 20
  1. #1
    Registered User lovestoread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    IN
    Posts
    625
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    9

    Default Wedding question....

    My daughter is getting married in Sept and since we don't have a lot of time to prepare we are flying by the seat of our pants on preparations..My biggest goal is to get a location to hold the wedding and reception since we don't have a regular church. Here is my problem...we were unprepared for this ( i expected engagement, but not a wedding this fast) so financially no money saved...I have found a wonderful location in our hometown within my budget, but I had another one in a town 25 mi away. His family is about 20 mi away from us and closer to the other town. His parents have moved about an hour and 15 min away from his hometown. His mother is very sweet and I originally told her I was trying to find somewhere close so no one would have so far to drive . Most of his family is about 40 minutes away with the exception of his parents. When I told his mother that I was considering the one in our hometown ,because it would be easier on me with decorating, and we are doing our own food with help from my friends, she acted like she didn't like that idea because they were far away and it would be a pain when it came time for the wedding to help decorate, etc...Well, I feel like it is my daughter's wedding, I am paying for it and if we HAD had a church that we attended it would have been there anyway...I have family from farther away too, so I don't understand. I don't want to start this out being nasty or hateful and don't want to upset anyone...but isn't it really the brides' choice and how do i handle this without making anyone mad?
    Sheri











    GO COLTS!!!!!


    Wife to Dale
    Mom to Paige and Abbie
    dogmom to Casey and Callie

  2. #2
    Moderator ladytoysdream's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Central NY
    Posts
    2,626
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    25

    Default

    You're footing the bill, so it needs to closer to you to get things done in a timely manner.

    Not sure how to handle it though.
    --------My signature--------
    The economy is now uncharted waters... grab a oar and start rowing. ~~
    Put the frog in pot, turn up the heat real slow, and the frog doesn't hop out. And by the time he realizes, he should , it's too late... think about it.

  3. #3
    Registered User Rosebudget1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Southern Coast of Maine
    Posts
    395
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    4

    Default

    I would do what you feel is best for you.
    Are the helping to foot the bill?
    I have had 2 daughters weddings to plan.
    One of my daughters in laws paid half of the wedding but it was always understood that it would be here. They lived an hour away. Enjoy the wedding!
    Wife
    Mother to 3 grown children
    Grandmother to 7 beautiful grandkids


    DEBT FREE!
    (except for mortgage)

  4. #4
    Moderator nuisance26's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    8,486
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    49

    Default

    ~I think you may be taking her reaction too personally. Often a person's response has very little to do with you or the decision you made but is just their way of processing the new information. Unless she outright blamed you for deliberately making her life more difficult, I suggest you chalk it up to disappointment that she may not be able to help as much as she wanted.
    It makes complete logical sense that the location is near you since you will be doing the majority of the work and traditionally, couples are married from the bride's hometown. Keep your explanations logical and detach emotion from them as much as possible. You aren't going to be able to fulfill everyone's preferences and trying to do so will make this nice event a nightmare for you.~

  5. #5
    Registered User SwirlyThing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Age
    44
    Posts
    206
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    5

    Default

    If they love you daughter, they will drive an hour or more for her special day. Have the wedding where ever the bride, groom and you want it. Ignore everyone else.

    I got married in a place that was a 45 minute drive from where I lived, and at least that far for EVERYONE else. I had a lot of family that had to drive 4 hours. Some drove over 6 hours. They came because they loved me, and I never heard a single complaint.

  6. #6
    Registered User Spirit Deer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Boundary Waters, Minnesota
    Posts
    9,479
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    54

    Default

    I don't see an hour's drive as far enough to be a problem.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    “Anything you cannot relinquish when it has outlived its usefulness possesses you.” -Mildred Lisette Norman
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  7. #7
    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    DE
    Posts
    2,371
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    We had family and friends fly in to my brother's wedding from several states away. She'll get over it, plow forward and enjoy!! Just focus on the preparations and if she brings it up again (which she might not even do, she might just have wanted to express herself) let her know that Sorry, it needed to be closer. You don't need to explain yourself, just say "Sorry, it needed to be closer to here."
    "If you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, march down there and light it yourself."

    Car loan (ugh, again!)
    Husband's debt to work on, mine is gone except car loan. w00t!

    Yah, I suck at this money stuff, I know. That's why I'm here.

  8. #8
    Registered User Libby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    8,930
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    53

    Default

    I have a difference of opinion here. Ask your daughter to settle this issue. Its her wedding - both of you (the mothers) have had your own wedding. Let this one be hers including all the headaches, he said/she said, I paid = I get to decide stuff. This way the onus is on them, not you or future in laws and the two families don't start with a bad taste in their mouths.

    As a parent, part of helping is to let your child experience (or suffer as some would call it) through the decisions one needs to make in life. They can ask for all the help/advice in the world but ultimately its up to the bride and groom. They need to be able to live with themselves as this is *their* wedding. People will remember them for it, not all the help from the parents, friends and family. {do the bride/groom see you as a the money or as a coordinator?}

    Can you ask your daughter/soon to be SIL to do a conference type call or skype session or email detailing their wishes and allow them to assign duties and make the decisions? This way EVERYONE is on the same page and knows where they stand.

    I also agree, an hour drive is nothing to squabble over. You're not going to be driving to the location daily. And the driving you are doing will be for a wonderful reason

  9. #9
    Registered User stinkbug's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Home of the Blue Turf
    Posts
    1,424
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    15

    Default

    Dh and I had a tiny wedding with 5 weeks to plan (conflicting work schedules) We had maybe 30 people..mostly family. Everyone had to travel....my family 5 hours, his family 8-13. His oldest sister drove 9 hours, with two toddlers, went to the wedding and drove home the next day, without complaint!!! It's once in a lifetime, they will adjust!!!

    Why are people so petty? If they are invalids or had other issues...maybe, but really an hour isn't much to attend your child's wedding.....
    Stinkbug


    More wagging - Less barking

  10. #10
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    1,613
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Libby View Post
    I have a difference of opinion here. Ask your daughter to settle this issue. Its her wedding - both of you (the mothers) have had your own wedding. Let this one be hers including all the headaches, he said/she said, I paid = I get to decide stuff. This way the onus is on them, not you or future in laws and the two families don't start with a bad taste in their mouths.
    I was going to suggest the same, what does your daughter want?

    My wife and I got married a mile from where we lived. The closest anyone else lived was 20 minutes away, and both of our parents had to come from over 3 hours away. Both sets of parents came in the night before, and helped us decorate the day of.

    I understand the other mother's point, and hope that it was just a casual mention, not a precursor to a hissy fit.

  11. #11
    Registered User sinopa27's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    virginia
    Posts
    1,581
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    10

    Default

    good ideas but I am sure there will be other issues as the wedding gets closer. It seems as those weddings bring out "stressful" moments and "stressful" feelings. Give it a few days for the bride to think about what she wants and what you want. It will all work out.

  12. #12
    Registered User lovestoread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    IN
    Posts
    625
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    9

    Default

    thanks so much, everyone!! My daughter would like it here in our hometown, just to make it easier on our family. I am a hairdresser and I will probably have to do at least both my daughters' hair as well as my own. My daughter has already talked to her fiancee and he said as long as it was a nice place he didn't care. He said since we were paying for it , it was our choice..I just didn't want to start things out on the wrong foot with his family because they are very nice and I don't have a good relationship with my inlaws and did NOT want her to have to start out badly...Thanks again for your help!!!
    Sheri











    GO COLTS!!!!!


    Wife to Dale
    Mom to Paige and Abbie
    dogmom to Casey and Callie

  13. #13
    Registered User freebs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Tyler, tx
    Age
    40
    Posts
    1,126
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    4
    Rep Power
    12

    Default

    We got married in my hometown just down the street from the home that dh and I were living in. His family drove 6 hrs 1 way to come and they also brought all the food for the reception. I wouldnt worry about an hr drive at all!
    http://homesteddinmomsworld.blogspot.com

    Trying to be more self sufficient here on our farm!

  14. #14
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    582
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    10

    Default

    I would definately have your daughter make some of the big decisions. Correct me if I am wrong but it sounded like it wasn't so much a travel issue for the wedding itself but more of a dissapointment in that your daughter's future MIL would like to be helpful in the wedding if she can and be something more than just a guest? If this is true and she isn't overbearing but just wants to be part of the decorating and little detail stuff and hustle and bussle that happens the couple of days preceding the wedding is there any harm in inviting her or both she and her husband to come and stay those couple of days if there is room somewhere? Sounds to me like she just would like to be as connected to her son's wedding as you to your daughters, kwim? If everyone gets along, then you have an extra set of hands and she gets to feel involved and your daughter gets a MIL who won't resent her and could be an good MIL for life.

  15. #15
    Registered User Mom23boys's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Texas
    Age
    44
    Posts
    18,987
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    36

    Default

    My DS#1 and his wife were married last year and they got married at the location that her mother picked. I was not upset at all because this is what the bride wanted. I guess I looked at it as "it is not my wedding". Also, we had to drive 40 minutes to the location which is no biggie....and we even bought all the food for the reception that was also held at that same location. I guess it is just how each person views what their responsibility is at the wedding. I know the groom's family usually hosts the rehearsal dinner, but because the bride and groom decided not to have a rehearsal, we opted for handling the reception which worked out well. I hope that you can come together and work together for the bride and groom.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Wedding Day!!
    By Bournecrazy in forum Weddings and bridal showers
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 08-29-2010, 05:25 PM
  2. wedding attire question
    By Newsnerd68 in forum General Chat
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 10-06-2008, 12:11 PM
  3. Another Wedding Question?
    By Holly in forum Weddings and bridal showers
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 03-18-2008, 10:08 AM
  4. for wedding....
    By missymomof3 in forum Weddings and bridal showers
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-01-2006, 08:48 PM
  5. Me on my Wedding Day
    By heavensent_7 in forum Weddings and bridal showers
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 11-26-2003, 06:23 AM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •