Is $ a valid reason for not having another child?

**ml2620** · 07-23-2012, 02:30 PM

I'm hoping to get some feedback from mom's with Frugal Heads and Mommy Hearts.

DH and I have a two year old daughter who is the light of our lives, the best thing that has EVER EVER happened to us. We are older parents, we struggled with infertility and until recently, I did not think it would be possible for me to have another child. But my cardiologist recently told me he thought I could easily handle a second pregnancy (I had asked early on in my treatment, but had since stopped asking him so it was a shock for him to come out and say it, he opened a door).

Anyway, it's all I think about lately. I am 39 this week - this year is (I feel) my last year to try - there is no time to wait until we are in a better position financially.

We do well day to day, our daycare is covered by family at no cost, we do mostly hand me downs and second hand, free activities, we eat well (mostly organic) and have no problems paying our bills and saving a little bit. Our car is old, our vacations are few and the emergency fund is not quite FF (we have about 4 months saved)

Our savings are not great, our retirement savings is not great - and who knows how we will afford college, after school activities, lessons, etc. (but we will, it's a priority).

I guess my head and my heart are saying very different things, and my heart is winning out by a landslide. I'm just wondering what other frugal mom's might do in my position.

Are long term money concerns a valid reason to not try for another miracle?

**nuisance26** · 07-23-2012, 02:55 PM

~Personally, I could not make the decision about more children based at all on money in the future. Even the best savers and planners could have serious trouble down the line. Spending all your time planning for the future and retirement and the what-if's can really blind you to enjoying the now.
I know there is no way I could say no to trying again after waiting so long for a miracle baby. I'd feel like I was given a second chance at something and I'd have to know why. But that's me. ~

**brennasmom** · 07-23-2012, 02:57 PM

Well, I think it is such a personal desicion. I would have liked to have 3 children but stopped at 2 partly (not the only reason) because I know I can provide for 2 children and 3 would have stretched my resources. As my kids get older expenses seem to be increasing... braces, thoughts of college, activities (sports), etc.... If you really want a second child I would go for it. I wouldn't want to look back with regrets. Somehow it all works out

**stinkbug** · 07-23-2012, 04:50 PM

It was for me.....I could barely afford the two I had. I had my tubes tied after the second one...(I was 23)

**josantoro** · 07-23-2012, 06:03 PM

I think you should listen to your heart. With love you can find a way. Plenty of people with less money than you had more kids than you.

You sound like the kind of person who has a lot to give to a child. Don't worry if you can't afford some of the "extras" that have somehow become "necessities" these days - expensive lessons, after school activities, etc. You will make up for it in other ways.

**dancemommy** · 07-23-2012, 06:09 PM

It sounds like you can afford another if you choose to afford another so I'd go for it. Don't want to regret it later when it's too late!!

**craftypam** · 07-23-2012, 08:17 PM

I'm sending you a pm
Pam

**FrabjousDay** · 07-23-2012, 08:27 PM

It was one of several factors in our family planning, but not the deciding one. Only you and your partner know how heavily to factor it into your plans and goals.

**Nadders11** · 07-24-2012, 12:14 AM

If your heart says yes to more children, your head with find a way to make it work.

**mamamia** · 07-24-2012, 02:35 AM

Personally speaking, I wouldn't even be giving it a second thought! Money is nice, and does bring a measure of security, but at the same time it's something that can always be made....remember, you're still young with plenty of time to do so if you wished. But having money can't even come close to providing the measure of happiness a child will bring to you and your family. You already know this from having the one. Now you have a good chance to double that joy. From the sound of your post, I think you already know you'd regret letting this pass you by. And ya know.....your little girl would be thrilled too!

There's something so nice about bringing home a new baby brother or sister! Simply stated....PRICELESS!!

Hoping the best for you!

Theresa

**fernykins** · 07-24-2012, 04:09 AM

I always felt that if someone waited till they could afford a baby they would never have on. I gave birth to 4 beautiful boys. My baby was a year old when the state took my sisters kids and gave them to me. My children are my gifts. There were times I went without but you know in the long run it was worth it. Follow your heart,it will never steer you wrong.
Fern

**mom2bobsarah** · 07-24-2012, 09:29 AM

I agree with many others, you have to go with your heart on this. Money matters can vary from day to day and I also think that if everyone waited until they thought they had enough money, there would be a lot less people around. With that said, our third was a surprise, I had 2 children and an appointment to get my tubes tied when I found out I was pregnant. For many reasons I was concerned about having a third child, not the least of which is financial as we were already having money troubles. My youngest is Autistic and I wish that we could afford the therapy and stuff that he really needs, and we cannot. We have some basic therapy that we get for him in addition to what he gets at school, but if we were better off financially we could at least "try" more. My husband and I have put off dental work that needed to be done because we needed to provide things for him as well as surgeries for my daughter who has extensive health problems. I say all this, to say that I love my little guy with all my heart and by no means is he the cause of our financial troubles (we caused that ourselves), but if I had the choice to have more children I would absolutely say no now as I know we really are not able to provide for more (hence my tubes were tied after said rugrat was born), lol. It really is a personal decision and one that you and your other half need to make.

**Telephus44** · 07-24-2012, 11:39 AM

Having a child is a personal decision - some people consider money a "valid" reason for not having another child, whereas others do not. You have to decide for yourself.

Personally, I would not have a 3rd child because we don't have the income to raise a 3rd child the way I want to raise my children. I know plenty of people just think oh, get baby stuff off craigslist and don't send them to fancy sports camps and you can have all the children you want, but for me, yes, it costs money to raise my children right (and when I say right, I mean how I want my child raised) - whether that's being able to buy my son a pair of froggy rain boots at Target because they are cute and he's absolutely crazy about them or being able to set aside money for his college fund. Or encourage a love of reading by spending money at the book stores. I believe that we all spend money on things that are most important to us, and I certainly don't mind spending it on my children.

**Sophiasmama** · 07-25-2012, 08:33 AM

If you can clothe, feed, and provide 4 walls...I think you could do it...I agree with Telephus...we all have different ideas on what is important to raise our DC...what works for you maynot work for someone else...and thats okay. Hugs!

**Sophiasmama** · 07-25-2012, 08:36 AM

Forgot to say that we have one DD...and that was because medically it was a hard delievery(emergency C section) at 11lbs, 24"long...Kevin and I are not willing to sacrifice my health to go again...I wake up and thank the good Lord for the one healthy baby He gave Us.