What to do if every one of your priorities conflict each other??

[peanut]

I can only second what others have said. DD#1 was married at Christmas and we asked what she wanted us to give. She asked if I would donate the wedding outfit and help cater the food for the reception. So that's what I did. She also registered at the Bay for tons of stuff. We use that list (which we printed off) to purchase Christmas and birthday gifts for her and her dh. We should be good for a few years!

As for divorced parents and weddings...don't get me started! My parents are divorced and came to their granddaughter's wedding. The competition in the giving of gifts and cheques between them became embarassing. It started about 3 months before the wedding and continued for a month or two after! DD#1 just decided to quit cashing Grandma's cheques. Not saying this would happen in your situation, but I would really watch that you do not put your son in an embarassing situation with his spouse over your gift giving.

If, OTOH, your children are used to getting money from you, you have a different problem. We basically let the kids know they're on their own after they turn 18. They are expected to provide for themselves. They can live at home, but they either go to school full time (in which case we help out), or they go to work and pay us rent (if they live at home).

Dh is not a big fan of helping kids pay for their university, so I help out by taking them on errands so they don't need a car or use the bus that often. I also give them grocery gift cards to use. I also help dd#1 with sewing for her apartment and showing her how to run a frugal household.

Whatever you decide, I'm sure you'll do fine. You seem to have a handle on the issues. You just need to priortize, as someone else posted, and get on with it from there. You may need to set boundaries with family in regards to money, that's all. Best of luck!

Jean

[Libby]

Im not sure if anyone has truly said this point blank so I will.

Its ok to say no.

It doesnt meant you do not care or are not willing nor wanting to help your own children but as some said you could give money and they say "thanks" once and thats the end of it. Buy them a gift that they may not want/need or need/want yet. But its also hard on you to be on your own, you must think of yourself now. You need to look after yourself first then worry about other things.

Alternate gift ideas:

* donate $100 to a charity of their choice (breast cancer, diabetes, heart & stroke etc) in their name

* plant a tree in their name

* make 'coupons' or 'vouchers' to help do things once they've past their big day etc - home cooked meals delivered x amount of days per year, free spa-like day with manicure/pedicure and a great lunch out etc

Or you can wait to give them what they really need, later on in their lives once ALL of you have established yourselves. All they really need right now is your support, love and blessing/well wishes. Thats priceless.

Just talk to them, be open and honest....after all this is what you'd want if they had a problem too right?