When just meeting your basic bills is a struggle, how do you even BEGIN to pay off de

[Daisygirl]

Right now it is a struggle to even meet my basic bills -- mortgage, utilities, food, etc. The reason for this? Terrible financial management. I own the fact that I have done this to myself. Like others, when I got divorced I spent money to make myself feel better. I bought coffee out 2-3 times a day. I never took my lunch to work, always ate fast food, went shopping before paying my bills because I "deserved" a treat after working so hard.

So now I am on the verge of disaster. I have payment arrangements with all the utility companies to keep things turned on. I am in the midst of a custody battle with my exhusband, which is like turning on the money faucet and leaving it running. And the debt (groans). I am in the process of writing it all out, like was recommended on the Debt Reduction threads.

My first step has been to cut all spending that I have any contol over to the bone. That has freed up at least enough money so that we can eat (frugally, lol).

I have prayed and prayed for help and then I found this website. It may sound silly to some, but I think I was led here for motivation and to learn to help myself.

Has anyone else ever been in this situation? How did you get out of it? How did you keep from backsliding once you bailed yourself out? When I read this website, it seems that you are all in such control. That is where I want to be, not living from hand to mouth, getting in deeper every month.

[Early Bird]

That is a tough one.

First off, have you contacted your lenders? I have heard that they will work with you to lower payments temporarily.

Second, what are you eating? Do you eat out? If so, can you put a moratorium on that for several months? Do you shop the sales & plan your menu around loss leaders? Do you have Aldi grocery store in your town?

How about ongoing purchases? Have you cut those to the bone?

Can you do-it-yourself? Everything from cooking to mending to fixing your own toilet when it breaks? Can you LEARN about fixing things now so that you have the skills when you need them?

And can you cut non-essentials? Cable tv. Extra car trips. Air conditioner set to 70. etc.

Have you considered the used market for your needs? It's prime garage sale season for another couple of weeks. I have bought clothes, toys, kitchenware, even some gifts, at garage sales -- sometimes new in the box; sometimes for less than the original owner paid in TAX on the purchase.

Also check out The Dollar Stretcher --- www.stretcher.com.

[treeluva]

chrys -

I have been there. It made me a nervous wreck all the time. I could barely breath, because it bothered me so much.

First, take a deep breath, and realize that when there is a will, there is a way. You CAN do this.

Writing everything down is a good first step.

You must contact your lenders and see if they are willing to help you.

You should contact the CCCS and get all the information from them to decide whether or not that would be good for your situation.

Bare bones sucks, no sense in trying to deny it. If you have not, you need to get rid of any extras. Get rid of the cable, get rid of any subscriptions. If you have a cell phone, try to change it to the least possible cost plan that you can, (since most cell phones are contract, and the price for breaking the contract sucks) Get rid of any extras on your phone. All you need is a line that allows calls in and 9-1-1.

You have to start thinking creatively. Look around and see what is happening in your community for days out and entertainment, which is FREE. Stay out of stores. Make a menu. But only what you need based off of what you already have and what you need to complete the menu. Be creative when you cook. I have developed my own recipes from just looking at what is in the cabinet, and trying to toss stuff together. Some of it is better than others, but it is all edible, so it had to do at times.

Some people say to get another job to make more money, but if you are a single parent, the chances of being able to work two jobs, plus be there for the kids, is slim. Not to mention, the extra money you make will go towards daycare, and more convienent stuff since you will not be at home as often to make things work.

You will be able to do it. It will just take time. And effort, determination, and discipline. We are all here to encourage you, and cheer you on your way!

[dwallyfam]

Chrys these ladies have given great advice, but also don't forget to put out the word if yuo are looking for something. Sign up for Freecycle and Craig's list.

Also, look through your house. Do you really need Everything. Weed it out and sell it. That way you will free up some cash to pay extra on the bills.

Kellie

[Daisygirl]

Thank you so much -- I really appreciate the advice.

These are the steps I have taken/ will be taking this week:

Cable/ internet is on a contract, so I have dropped it to the barest minimum.
Phone: will be canceling all extras, have gotten the phone company to cut off long distance capability.
Cell phone: not on contract, so it is cancelled
Utilities: Hanging out laundry, shutting off lights, not running a/c unless I am dying, pulling shades during the day
Food: made a menu and am using up what I have, only a couple of things needed at the grocery store, drinking only water between meals
Kids: set up a birthday money envelope for Chloe's birthday -- party and gifts come out of that and when it is gone, it is gone -- that may sound frivolous but I can't have her birthday a total washout. It woudl break my heart.
Extra money: I am working overtime every hour I can at times when the girl's are at their Dad's house.
Payments: Made arrangements with everyone - they will be hard to meet but I have to do the best I can.
Entertainment: We are going on a bike ride by the canal today to pick wildflowers. Some will be bouquets and others will be pressed to make gifts for the grannies.
Child Care: Kids are goig to see each set of grandparents for 3 weeks this summer. I will miss them dreadfully but they will be loved and spoiled rotten, and no child care costs will really help me catch up. We will email to keep down the phone bills.

Thank you all so much for your suggestions. It sounds silly but it nearly brought me to tears to read your responses.

[Mamaw]

Hang in there. You can and will do this. Keep reading all the threads here...they are full of encouragement as well as good ideas.

[schellie69]

Hello, I don't have much other advice that the other gals have told you but i do have one line that I use all the time when things are tight and i am bareboning the grocery bill yet again. and it is "this to shall Pass" I know it sounds strange but it does work, it makes me think of time when things were bad or worse then now it also makes me rememeber the good things that have happened more time with the kids-plan a family night, here we have a dinner and then it is either a movie (from one that we already had) or borrowed from a friend the libary or rented on cheap night like $1,00 for 3 nights, or we read a book togeather or play a game, take a walk or bike ride, go out side and look at the stars, coloring with the kids is also a big hit here. sometimes making popcorn or cookies(cheap ons of course) is also fun for the kids, check and see if you local libary has the twightwad gazette books also look for a cook book called not just beans there are alot of great frugal receipes and tips in these books. the twightwad gazette has alot of great frugal idea in there. if you want to buy the twightwad gazette books check amzon.com I bought mine for like 49 cents each but check the libary first I have learned how to make alot from scratch, also making more own mixes has helped lower my food bill alot, we have went to drinking powedered milk which has saved me a bunch on my food bill, no one feels deprived they still get milk and it taste really good. that is all the advice or information i know but if you need to talk and want someone to listen you can email me and i will get back to you asap, I am having surgery on june 14th but would be happy to talk if you need also, if you have family that lives out of state, try writing letters instead of calling. it is fun to get mail that is not bills, I have a few penpals and it has made a big differance I know look foward to getting mail, also check at the freebie board you can get some neat freebies that can help extend some of the things you use toothpaste shampoo ect. every little bit helps. hang in ther and remember that this to shall pass and don't forget to breath that is very important...hang in there we are here to listen and help...but remember to email me if you want I am including my email address it is prontti@sbcglobal.net, feel free to email me...

[autumnlynn]

I just wanted to say that you have really received great advice here. I always try to remember that for every valley, there are two mountaintops!!
I just know things will get better for you.

[frugalfarmwife]

You've already made great strides in your journey, just keep going and as said above "this to shall pass".

You've also found the best place on the net for encouragement and help, this group is AWESOME!

Bit by bit, babysteps and you'll be there before you know it!

kj

[ironmaiden]

How is ex-hubby financially? Do you think he hates paying the lawyers over this custody battle? Do you think it is getting to him? Could a third party (someone you both know) that you both respect bring up the idea to him that maybe the money would be better spent on the kids and not the lawyers? And agree to a fair arrangement and have the lawyers draw that up?

[banana]

Looks like you are off to a good start. Hang in there it will get better if you keep on applying your frugal methods. Try shopping for loss lenders on a weekly basis, that is what I try to plan my meals or stockpile around. Switch over to CF lightbulbs, I believe some dollar stores now carry them and that saved me some $ on my montlhy electric bill. See if you qualify for any type of social services. My sis-inlaw is going through a divorce and she in in the process of applying for WIC, childcare, etc.

Best of Luck to you! You can and will get through ths!

[hollyhill]

Well we lived abare bones life for two and a half years. DH lost his job and ended up going to school and tetraining.
Our income was student loan, grants and pt. time work.
Thankfully the only loans we had was our mortgage.....but it still had to be paid and so did our bills.

We cut out EVERYTHING! No cell phone, no cable, bo phone extras, minimal computor internet dial-up.....etc... I think you can catch my drift. We did not eat out. I think we ate out twice in the two and a half years. No coffee out nothing....

Our diet was essential, beans, rice, pasta, potatoes.....

Let me know if you want more details.....I can give you all the tips I had to make it....If you applied them while working you would be able to turn your debts around...it wasn't fun....but it was doable....

[MirandaK]

Let me just say that 6 months ago I was totally not in control of my finances. Now, with the advice i've gleaned from the website and a healthy dose of reality, I am getting on the right track. Still a lot of debt but, i'm here to tell you, if I can do it, anyone can!! You have already made a bunch of important steps...Keep up the good work and before you know it you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

You'll be in my thoughts!

[Daisygirl]

Thank you so much, all for the encouragement and valuable advice. I cannot express how much it helps to come on here each day and receive encouragement, friendship, and motivation. I really feel like I can do this.

And Ironmaiden, I would be thrilled if my ex husband wanted to drop the whole custody issue but it is not costing him a dime. He is jobless by choice so the system pays for his attorney.

I think all things happen for a reason and here is what I feel the reason is for this: I am learning how priceless my children actually are. I am learning the value of money and the value of things. And the things I thought were so important are nothing without my girls.

When this is all over I know this lesson will stand me in good stead.

Thank you again, and holly, you will definitely be hearing from me!