Son just doesn't get it
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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Son just doesn't get it

    Hi all,
    I have just joined and this site fits my husband and I to a tee. We live by the old saying (mine) if you can't find it used, fix it, make it yourself then do without!!! We live in a very simple house here in Maine and try hard to keep the clutter down to a minimum. We do have the basics like DirecTv and internet, but otherwise not much interested in other electronics. Drive older vehicles, heat with wood and vacation in our camp really deep in the woods with no electricity or phone. So here's the problem, my son is 36 and is a total slave to consumerism. He has every gadget in the book and his house has to be a show house. He has no children because they would be in the way. When he comes to my house, which BTW is a lovely little campy ranch that is very pretty inside, he acts as if we are hopeless and poor. We have never lived an extravagant lifestyle and wonder if any of you folks have the same reaction from family. I keep trying to tell him that hard times are coming and people like us will find it easier to survive them, in fact we are going to look at a cook stove to buy to get us further off the grid. Any suggestions or comments?

  2. #2
    Registered User Missy's Avatar
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    Oh boy!!! Another Mainer!! (from the BAngor area myself...although misplaced myself out in the Rocky Mountains for now)

    It seems that some have to learn on their own that there are other ways as opposed to consumerism. Sometimes telling people and attempting to show them, pushes them further in the opposite direction. Keep doing what you are doing and when the time is right, i bet your son begins to notice and start asking questions.
    ~~ Missy ~~

    Planting and raising an urban homestead in the middle of Downtown big city right at the foot of the Rocky Mountains!

    Zone 5 Colorado Springs, CO USA

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    just keep doing what you're doing. you are in good company here.

    my good friend doesn't understand me, she is in debt to her eyeballs, and keeps giving money to adult children, and has no savings.

    don't bail him out. some people never get it and some people get it later.
    baby step 2- see blog for actual amounts

    "stop being a victim, you are a perpetrator, taking things without paying for them is stealing, you are not a victim, you are a perpetrator. PAY THE PEOPLE YOU OWE, pray for the people you owe, and make it right. " hard nosed AA person, thumping his big book, addressed to me in AA meeting 7/30/2013

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    Registered User jamie79's Avatar
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    Let him think what he wants. Hes a grown up and will sink or swim on his own.

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    Thanks so much...Missy, I was born in Bangor!!! Still trying to get my bearings on the website...don't quite know what everything stands for. Just knowing there are plenty of others with my mindset is really helpful. (What are jujus) Nance

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    Registered User JustMegan79's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mainegrammie View Post
    Thanks so much...Missy, I was born in Bangor!!! Still trying to get my bearings on the website...don't quite know what everything stands for. Just knowing there are plenty of others with my mindset is really helpful. (What are jujus) Nance
    Hi Nance,

    Welcome! As for jujus, none of us really know yet what they are. We know we earn them by posting and other things, but we dont knw what they do or anything until Sara (site owner/admin) writes it out for us. She said it will be soon that she does so. So keep posting and hoard up your jujus! LOL

    As for living like no one else (your son), I am in the same boat with my friends. NO one seems to get it. They look at me as if I've gone mad when I tell them I cant wait to get back to va in december so I can be in the country, fish, garden, hunt, etc. They dont understand why I dont want all the latest and greatest and a huge house and a new car and and and and and....you get the point. I just smile, and say thats the way I am.

    With your son...he will soon enough find out money, nor things, will buy him happiness. Its a row he will most likely have to hoe on his own. You instilled good values and such, he may well come back to them.

    Good luck with your off the grid process!!

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    Registered User missmanny's Avatar
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    Hi Mainegrammie,

    welcome to the village!

    Don't worry about your son... he is representing most of the population, they do'nt understand the joy and peace that living a simple life can give to you.

    I think tyhat most of them are more then anything lese easily bored and so they need the shopping and gadgets to entertain them.

    To me your place sounds like paradise!

    I'm sure that Son doesn't mean to come accross as judgemental, I'm sure that he worries about you and thinks that you deserve all of the comforts that he has.

    Sometimes my family looks at me as if I am crazy - you should have seen the look my sister gave me when I bought her cloth nappies for her baby (she actually said - oh do they still make these? they will come in really handy to clean up things with - not thought that she might actually use them as a nappy!) Mostly they just accept my for who I am - but secretly think that I am a bit eccentric.

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    Registered User angelbumpkin's Avatar
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    Your son is a grown up. He needs to learn that debt isn't all that. But you can't make them learn until they are ready to learn.

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    Registered User Monner 1's Avatar
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    Oh my if I didn't know better I would have thought that I wrote this post that Mainegrammie wrote. That is just about the way we live and my oldest that is 36 feels the same way about us. He loves us dearly but is on the same merry go round that your son is on. When he and his wife and my granddaughter come up to visit his wife instantly destresses. I figure after he has it all then he will look around and think that there is more to life than possessions. I hope. My second son lives more like me and my husband.

    Monner

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    Registered User daughter of pearl's Avatar
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    Your son is lucky to have examples of how to live in you and your hubby (dh)...he may not be listening now but oce day he will get it, and will recognize the values that were given to him as a kid...your life sounds great!

  11. #11
    Registered User forHISglory's Avatar
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    Welcome!

    And stay true to yourself. There are those out there who are "slow learners" and there are those who are "no learners". Your son may be a slow learner about frugal ways, but here's hoping that he will learn from your example.
    Spiritual:
    "You are fearfully and wonderfully made." Please... respect life.

    Financial:
    Debt free, hoping to stay that way!


    MY BLOG: glorybug.wordpress.com


    1. Keep on writing.
    2. Get some balance in my life.
    3. Lose weight. Hopefully 20# this year.
    4. Continue to be looking for how God wants to use me this year.


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    Welcome for another Mainer.

    I think that your son is fairly representative of that age group. He will I am sure be fine in the long run. Although I gotta say I would be a bit peeved if my DD acted like we her parents were poor (we are but she is still alive and was never living in a tent or undernourished) My SIL said that to her parents on a recent trip up here (now keep in mind she is mortgaged and CC'd to the hilt) and her mother blew a gasket and put her into her place.

    Like I said he will be fine. I think just due to the economy up here that most Maine people tend to be frugal and watchful of their money...give him time and he'll "get with the program"

  13. #13
    Super Moderator Darlene's Avatar
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    Nice to have you here.
    One of these day he may figure out what really makes him happy until then he'll keep searching. Good for you and your hubby wanting to be as self sufficient as possible. Those rainy days do come now & then & when they do being able to make do sure comes in handy. Carry on.:doublethumbs:
    Last edited by Darlene; 08-23-2008 at 03:12 PM.

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    Registered User The Muse's Avatar
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    Aside from acting like you're "hopeless and poor" when he comes to visit, how is your son's lifestyle affecting you? Is he asking you for money?

    DH and I are 33. We went through a consuming period and decided a few years back to simplify. Like your son, we also don't have children, nothing wrong with that, we're just not interested in being parents.

    OTOH, my inlaws are like your son. Always buying the latest and greatest. In debt up to their eyeballs, can't understand why we choose to live as we do when we don't have to.

    There's not one right way to live. Different strokes for different folks.

    100% Debt Free.... home, car & credit cards.
    Blogging the simple life at: www.sageandsimple.com

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    Registered User iida's Avatar
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    You son is just like my brother, who is also 36. He thinks we are hopeless and poor. He has even said that he believes that I am green just because I am poor. He just doesn´t get it. And ofcourse, he has A LOT of debt.

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