Excited Need to Share

**Marie78** · 08-23-2008, 11:02 PM

I might be getting married in October

. We have been together 5 1/2 years and tonight we seriously talked about eloping in October. We are going to a friend's wedding in California in October, and we are thinking it would be a good time to elope and then when we come home we can have a party for our friends and family to celebrate our good news. I had to share my news with all of you because you are my online family and I can't tell anyone in my real life or I'll break one of the rules of eloping.

There are so many reasons that it makes sense for us to elope:

1. Neither one of us wants to deal with our 4 different families thanks to both sets of our parents remarrying and all the extra people that are in our lives now because of that circumstance. Then there's extended family, step and other wise. We aren't close with any extended family, but would feel obligated to invite them.

2. Money will be an issue for several years and we want to get married soon and not keep waiting until we can afford a wedding.

3. I'm not the girl who always pictured herself walking down the aisle. I don't remember thinking about or dreaming about my wedding and I am pretty turned off by most things wedding: dancing, drinking, making small talk with relatives, center of attention, etc...I don't want to deal with that stress and my fiance has no desire to step in and plan a wedding for us either.

The only reason we haven't eloped sooner is I go back to thinking my family will be disappointed if they aren't there to witness my vows. I have such guilt about that, I would be happier and less stressed but I feel that my family would regret my decision. How do I get that out of my head? How do I make my own decision without feeling like I have hurt my family

?

Also any advice from people who have eloped is very welcome. Please tell me if you had regrets later in life or if it was a great decision that you made. Please fill me in on cost or how it worked marrying in a different state if you wed out of state. Any and all stories welcome. Thank you all for letting me share my news

**IntlMom** · 08-23-2008, 11:28 PM

no advice.....just wanted to say "congrats".....however you decide to do it!

**forHISglory** · 08-23-2008, 11:30 PM

I'm just thinking off the top of my head, but you might have someone film your vows, and then you can show the video to your family???

You've got a lot on your plate right now, but I commend you for being sensitive to your family.

**Marie78** · 08-23-2008, 11:33 PM

That's a great idea, if we film our vows our families can watch the video when we are with them or we could play it at our dinner party for our guests. Thank you!

**forHISglory** · 08-24-2008, 12:06 AM

Hey, post the video on YouTube while still out of state, and then call your family and ask them to look at it!

**txsun** · 08-24-2008, 12:39 AM

Congrats. You won't regret eloping. My husband and I eloped for mostly the same reasons you are planning to. It cost me less than $100 for the license and JP to do it. Once I can afford it I do plan on renting a dress and going and getting some artistic 'wedding' photos done since that is really my one regret.

If you want to you can always go back later and have a ceremony in which you renew you vows with your families present.

Stefanie

**The Muse** · 08-24-2008, 09:45 AM

DH and I eloped. From a financial standpoint, it was the best thing we could've done because we didn't blow our entire savings on one day and were able to buy a very nice house less than a year later.

DH's family was disappointed at first, but they got over it. They weren't going to pay for a wedding, so it wasn't their decidion to make.

I sometimes regret not having a wedding, but not for any good reason. Somtimes when we drive by a church on a Saturday and I see a limo and a bride I'll feel a little sad about not having a real wedding day. But like most commercialized things, the wedding industry is at odds with my personal values.

It's really about you and your DH, not your families because once you're married he IS your family.

Since you're in Central NY, you might consider looking in touristy areas for elopement packages. I know I've seen elopement packages at B&Bs in Vermont that run in the neighborhood of $500. That way you could have a little something, invite the families, and not break the bank.

ETA: We were going on vacation to the Caribbean and decided to marry while we were away. The cost of the "wedding" was included with our stay. I sent copies of our birth certificates, marriage license application, etc. a few weeks before and they took care of the paperwork before we got there.

**KKCondrey** · 08-24-2008, 09:51 AM

I agree. If eloping is the way you want to go so be it. I like the idea of video taping the wedding and taking lots of pictures. Then when you get them back you can have the family over for dinner and share the joyous news with them.

Best wishes in whatever you decide to do.

**YankeeMom** · 08-24-2008, 09:59 AM

No advice but CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

**Marie78** · 08-24-2008, 10:11 AM

I like the idea of an elopement package. Since we are planning on doing this out of state, I looked up some packages in the California area and they included: the ceremony, flowers for the groom and bride, pictures/video tape, wine/champagne, a beautiful setting, and it looked romantic. On average of $3,500 though and of course that's out of our price range. $500 would be reasonable and then we could spend about that for a small party for close friends and family after we get back.

I'm still grappling with my guilt. There's really no rush but we have been together 5 1/2 years and we have lived together for over 3 years. It feels like we are already married, we just haven't taken our vows yet. The obstacle for me has always been the actual planning and prep for a wedding that would feel more about family then us. If we elope though, I will be irritated with us for not doing it sooner. Better late than never I guess.

Maybe I feel bad today because it feels so final. The end of a courtship and the beginning of adulthood? Maybe I do want a big send off into marriage, or maybe I am just freaked out because I went through my parents divorce and my fiance went through his and we have a lot of "ugly" memories of the events before and after the divorce and we don't want that for ourselves.

My sister is a year younger than me and she doesn't want to get married or have kids ever. My fiance's sister is 2 years older than me and she has 2 kids and lives with her fiance, but they have no intentions of getting married anytime soon, they actually planned a wedding and she backed out of it at the last minute. Talk about all of the children being screwed up by their parent's 1st marriages. My fiance and I would be taking a big step by eloping. It would also mean that our famililes would have zero chance of celebrating a wedding, since we were their last hope for a wedding

**kittykatstrong** · 08-24-2008, 10:27 AM

I eloped because it was all we could afford at the time. The only thing I regret is not having a party with my family later. Filming it is a great idea. I also regret not wearing a dress(even a simple one.) I wore black pants and a button down shirt.

**Jskell911** · 08-24-2008, 10:37 AM

My DH and I eloped. We went on vacation to Niagara Falls with my son and got married there. Hi mom was NOT ok with this, but.... We did video tape it and my son took pictures. She is fine about it now, 3 years later.

Me just felt like it was "our" day and if this was what felt right for us, then we were going to do it. Neither of us wanted a big wedding, the expense, or the hassle. We just wanted to be married.

**Darlene** · 08-24-2008, 10:43 AM

We didn't want the whoop la either. We didn't elope but we said our vows with only my sister & his brother there at the courthouse with the mayor officiating. Afterwords we went to his parents house where only immediate family was and had a nice small reception that my Mil put together. Afterwords we took a couple days & enjoyed some time in Vermont.
It's your life and your moment to do the way you feel most comfortable with. So they aren't there when you say the words , they can sure be there to celebrate and be happy you're happy for years to come. Big weddings are highly overrated I think.
Go for it, with no worries or feelings of guilt.
Congratulations!

**Mom23boys** · 08-24-2008, 10:55 AM

I just wanted to say, "CONGRATULATIONS!" I agree with the other posters that there are several options so that your family can view the vows. I know there are churches in Vegas that puts the video online so friends and families can view them. I know you said you would be in California for a friend's wedding. Do you think one of your friends or their family members could video it for you instead of paying for the church to do it? It would cut costs drastically. If video isn't an option, you can have someone take several photos and have them put into a wedding scrapbook to give to each of your parents. They will have the memories of your wonderful day.