What do you wish you knew before you were married?

**redlights** · 11-04-2008, 03:26 PM

Hey,

I'm new on these forums! This is my first real post...but I figure I'd ask it here too...

What do you wish you knew before you were married? I'm getting married next August and I want to hear everyone's wisdom.

**Greebo** · 11-04-2008, 03:27 PM

First time around - I wish I'd known I was doing the right thing. Instead, I hoped.

Second time around, I knew.

**DAAC3DEC** · 11-04-2008, 03:31 PM

how hard it was going to be.

**COUNTRYBUMPKIN** · 11-04-2008, 03:47 PM

The first time I wish I would have realized that it was not true love and that my mom was right when she said I was making a mistake.

This time.......I wish I would have known what an outstanding husband DH would have been when I first met him because I would not have declined his proposal the first time he asked me. I have a true GEM!!!!!!!

**Contrary Housewife** · 11-04-2008, 04:03 PM

I'd wish I'd known how bad my husband was with money. He used to lose bills, and then end up not paying them, and we got into real trouble before I took over things.

My girlfriend married a guy who was deep in credit card debt, and didn't even know how much he owed. He lived with a brother and sister, and used to just hand over his check to the household 'pool', with no idea of what he was spending or how much was being paid on his debt. They are working to get it paid off, but they are really struggling, and it was not what she signed up for when she said "I do".

**AmyBoz** · 11-04-2008, 04:05 PM

I wish I had known how much fun it can be. My parents certainly didn't make it look like a lot of fun, but dh and I enjoy each other and laugh like you wouldn't believe. I wish everyone realized that it could be that fun, IF you are with the right person.

**IntlMom** · 11-04-2008, 04:37 PM

that it wouldn't be as easy as my parents make it look!

**Marie78** · 11-04-2008, 05:42 PM

My husband and I were together 5 1/2 years before we got married. I lived with him for 3 years before we got married, so I feel I know him well. I wish we had had better role models in marriage. Both our parents divorced when we were young children, so I feel we are making our own rules for marriage and hopefully that will see us through

..

**spyzvixxen** · 11-04-2008, 06:04 PM

Not married yet but have been living together for 5 (together 7).

Those who said the first 2 years are the hardest weren't kidding!!!

**khjmom** · 11-04-2008, 07:01 PM

How hard it can be, and how great it can be. We were also told to keep "dating" each other after we were married. I truely believe that is what has kept us together 19+ years.

**miss_thrifty** · 11-04-2008, 07:57 PM

keep seperate accounts or at least keep some money to yourself , pay yourself first.
some men will only 50%pick up dirty laundry and leave beside laundry basket lol
nothing is 50% in life bo matter what they tell ya and if u can have that in ur marraige ur set for life .
Marraige is work-- and with the right person and the right tools(good communication, respect, faithful, and #1love) ull make it.

**Grayce** · 11-04-2008, 08:13 PM

I wish I had known that in-laws can be sooo hard to deal with. I had a real rosy picture of our 2 families blending and honestly it has been the hardest part of our 17 year marriage.

**Starlight9803** · 11-04-2008, 08:19 PM

Originally Posted by Grayce

I wish I had known that in-laws can be sooo hard to deal with. I had a real rosy picture of our 2 families blending and honestly it has been the hardest part of our 17 year marriage.

This is me. I really wish I had realized the kind of family DH comes from. DH is constantly put into the middle of all family arguements (when he doesn't want to be) and he is the one expected to "bail out" everyone else, though we have little enough ourselves. While we are happily married ( at least as far as each other is concerned), the in-laws have been a constant source of stress in our lives.

**PrairieRose** · 11-04-2008, 08:40 PM

I wish I had known not to try to 'mold' my dh into the man I wanted him to be but to love him completely as he is. When I learned to do that, our lives became bliss. I also wish I had known how to love him, heart and soul, with no regard for myself (without the fear of getting hurt).

Marriage is hard work, especially at first (for most people I think) but if you are friends and work hard to put one another first, it can truly be the most wonderful relationship ever.

**katybug** · 11-04-2008, 08:42 PM

I wish I had taken a closer look at the ~~wack jobs~~ er I mean family I was marrying into. Also you should really know what the *family* expects of you. My in-laws are needy and want to be around us 24/7, but luckily we live 15 hours away so that isn't much of a problem, just when they visit. Seriously, they are worse then pet hair. They also will do whatever it takes to be together on Holidays (including cost) and actually they have just a different view on money then we do, so they don't understand why we don't visit more, or *treat* ourselves more often. Since they are seriously considering bankruptcy and we will probably retire with a comfy nest egg, I'm secure in our money decisions.

You will have a much easier time if you know for certain what you are marrying into.