Issues with my mom...
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 28
  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    185
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    7

    Default Issues with my mom...

    I think I have posted on some of the other forums about my mom. I love my mom to death but the main thing she cares about is people's appearance. She goes shopping at the mall several times a week. She has had plastic surgery and wants more. She is always getting hair done, nails dones, etc. And it's not like she has tons of money to do so. Anyway, my sis is a lot like her. Tanning bed, nails, beauty pageants, etc. My mom just dotes on her and is always comparing me to her. Well money of course is tight and of course I want to look nice too. I feel terrible already cause I have let myself go. My hair hasnt been done in months, I barely wear makeup and have about 3 outfits I rotate to wear to work. So it's not like I don't want to look nice, it's just that things like bills and clothes for my child are more important. Anyway, I was at my parents house last night. My mom looked at me and said "oh youre still wearing those?" referring to my pants. BTW My pants were the gaucho style, so yeah I bought them a couple years ago but it's what I got. She said "well you know those are out of style" I was so hurt but I said "well I dont care" but deep down I was so hurt. Of course I want new things. Of course I know I look like crap. But why would my mom say this? I mean am I overreacting? If you have a daughter, please answer this cause I have a son so I am not in her position. It just seems like one more jab to me to make me feel bad.

  2. #2
    Master Dollar Stretcher madhen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    California
    Posts
    17,536
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    427
    Rep Power
    91

    Default

    My mother is very concerned about her appearance, as well, although she doesn't do the whole salon, tanning, nail thing. She is also very sensible about money and buys very few new clothes. But she is always very "smart" looking and keeps her hair, make-up, etc up. I could visit her unexpectedly on any day, and she would be colour-coordinated and clean.

    Two things, however, that you might want to keep in mind. One is that your mother was raised in a generation where appearance was paramount. Even in your own home, you were expected to be dressed and made-up, kind of like a living Barbie. Second is that, as people get older, they tend to say things that come to mind without thinking about how it affects others. I have a friend who calls it letting their "regulator" get out of whack. My mother thinks nothing of telling people they've gotten fat, or bald, or whatever. The older you get, the more out of whack your regulator gets. So you just blurt out whatever comes to mind.

    I can see my mother being MUCH more blunt about my appearance than yours was with you. She has made it into an art. She has my sister on a yo-yo, weight-wise, because every time my sister loses weight, my mom tells her she is too skinny, and when she gains any, she is too fat. For me, I deflect it with humour. I probably would have said something to the effect of "Well, until the pants fairies drop some new pants off at my house, these are the only pants I have. Would you prefer that I just show up in my underwear next time?" I have found that I am the target of my mother's direct criticism MUCH less than my sister, who doesn't talk back.

  3. #3
    Registered User Gardengal18's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    N.E. Pennsylvania
    Posts
    412
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    8

    Default

    Is she paying your bills? Although I know it hard when this happens with family I still wouldn't give what she thinks a second thought unless she's willing to help you out. Then and only then is she allowed a Vote.

  4. #4
    Moderator IntlMom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    I.O.W.A.!!!!!
    Age
    44
    Posts
    3,714
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    3
    Rep Power
    25

    Default

    I'm sorry you are hurting.....it hurts when those we love are unkind to us.....

    btw, if 3 year old clothes are out of style, well then, I'm right there with ya!!
    but I really don't care if my clothes are "old"....so poo on them!

  5. #5
    Registered User forHISglory's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Right Here
    Age
    65
    Posts
    3,813
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    11
    Rep Power
    36

    Default

    Ah....... it hurts. Plain and simple. I like Madhen's suggestion of using some humor. But if that is not your forte, you might say, "Excuse me. I have to be going." And then leave. No unpleasantries. No yelling. Just leave. It might take a few times for it to register. Hopefully, it will register. And above all, remember all the good sense you have and how it will keep you steady in the days and years to come. Stay strong!
    Spiritual:
    "You are fearfully and wonderfully made." Please... respect life.

    Financial:
    Debt free, hoping to stay that way!


    MY BLOG: glorybug.wordpress.com


    1. Keep on writing.
    2. Get some balance in my life.
    3. Lose weight. Hopefully 20# this year.
    4. Continue to be looking for how God wants to use me this year.


  6. #6
    pip
    pip is offline
    Registered User pip's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    U.S.A.
    Posts
    3,281
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    16

    Default

    That would hurt to hear from my mother. But, look at it this way.... you know that she is a bit obsessed with appearances, so a comment like that should almost be expected. it sounds like you have your priorities in the right order. Stay strong and don't doubt yourself!

  7. #7
    Rude and Vile Master Greebo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Baltimore, Maryland
    Age
    45
    Posts
    8,563
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    77

    Default

    Your mother is teaching you an extremely important life lesson.

    In this case, it's how not to be.

    Thank her, hug her, and ignore her.
    If you could kick in the pants the person responsible for your problems, you wouldn't be able to sit for a month.

    Did you know that a 4 year student paying $20,000/year who finances their education graduates with over $103,000 in debt to start? But a student who works and pays cash and takes 6 years to graduate ends with $6,300 in their pocket! So much for "getting a head start by financing!"


    Greebo
    (Nerd Spender): Loving and extremely patiently tolerated husband of ceashels.
    WARNING: Y Chromosome behind the keyboard. Adjust your listening filters appropriately!

    Three
    Two mortgages, two one no car loans, one no credit cards, and a partridge in pear tree!

  8. #8
    Registered User cab54's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    NW Ohio
    Age
    60
    Posts
    4,296
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    25

    Default

    First of all, I just Googled a bunch of dept. stores and they are all selling gaucho pants.

    Second ---I hate shows like 'What not to wear', and the whole fashion industry----for making us all feel that clothes are that important at ALL. BAH!

    Third, I'm so sorry that your mom is so into all of that, that she would hurt you by saying that. People have put looks and fashion before almost everything else. Sad.

    Fourth, you've figured out what is important in life, and should just smile sweetly at those who haven't. It's not their fault. They have been caught up in what the whole world is caught up in--'looks', material possessions, ---stuff.

    Even though we should probably cover ourselves with clothing, why has it become so important what it looks like? Shouldn't it be for coverage, warmth, comfort? It's a shame society has turned family against family by how we dress, or make up our face/fix our hair.
    ______
    Cheryl

    "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance, but by our disposition." -------Martha Washington

  9. #9
    Registered User janelane's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Maryland
    Age
    35
    Posts
    307
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    9

    Default

    I think a lot of people out there can relate to this. For me, it's not my mom, it's her mother. A few years ago I started timing her. She has never been able to past 15 minutes of seeing us without saying something negative. Either I'm fat or my brother is a loser or her sister is over-the-top. She has talked about my grandfather not being able to "get it up" at the Thanksgiving table. Now she wonders why I never come around anymore. And it's not because she's old, she's always been tactless. I go with humor, too. She accuses me of picking on her, but, well, *I* am getting older as well and I'm tired of playing nice.

    Next time mom bags on your pants my suggestion would be to look like her like she's insane, tell her they're all the rage again in Europe and how woefully behind the times she is. That oughta freak her out real good. lol

  10. #10
    Master Dollar Stretcher madhen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    California
    Posts
    17,536
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    427
    Rep Power
    91

    Default

    I can't recall the exact quote, but there was an episode on "Little House on the Prairie" where someone made a comment about a hard-working man smelling badly. The response was something to the effect of "Hard-working folk only smell bad to those who don't have anything better to do than walk around with their noses in the air." I get to working on my ranch, and I come in with mud and manure all over the cuffs of my pants, hay in my hair, and a pile of eggs cradled in my shirt. I call it being "gamey," but in a good way.

  11. #11
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    UT
    Age
    31
    Posts
    177
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    7

    Default

    People who over-obsess and/or over spend tend to want those around them to be the same way. Perhaps your mother knows deep inside that she shouldn't spend so much time and money on her appearance and she is jealous that you are more reasonable and have your priorities straight. But instead of taking a good hard look at herself so she can see what changes to make, she would rather criticize you. Easier to try and convinve people to join her way of life so she feels normal rather than changing her own behavior, kwim?

    Sorry to hear that her comments hurt your. I don't keep up on fashion trends either. I'm 25 and going to college with a bunch of 18 - twenty somethings and I look down right frumpy walking down the halls with these folks. But I have bills to pay and kids to clothe before myself so I don't let it bother me. I think the current trend in my age group right now looks goofy anyways LOL!

  12. #12
    Registered User ahmom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    245
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    8

    Default

    bighug!
    I think some people do things without thinking. My mom complains/picks ect so much I don't think she even knows she's doing it. It's all normal every day life to her.
    I limit my time with mom. 1 hour a week at most.
    I have 2 DD's.
    My time with mom is very hard! I'm trying to learn what not to do w/ my DD's.
    Last edited by ahmom; 11-12-2008 at 12:28 PM.

  13. #13
    Registered User YarnTotingMama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    37
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    I'm on a whole other planet to people such as this

    For me, clothes are about me being covered, comfortable and expressing myself. I present myself cleanly and neatly but according to my own sense of style, not someone else's. Certainly not the fashion industry's.

    "Out of style" in the case of your 3 year old pants means nothing more than the industry isn't making as much money off you as it would be if you bought new pants every season.

    If you genuinely appreciate what you've got by nature you'll have far more happiness in your lifetime than these will ever have forever chasing what they can never keep up with.

  14. #14
    Registered User miss_thrifty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    6,273
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    23

    Default

    Gardengal-- -yes and no. I still wouldnt want anyone else in my family or hubbys to have that vote to tell me what i should wear. u know what i mean . some people if they think they buy u something or sont tell them to back off they decide to take upon themselfs to push further and install their ideas about how to live or wear. i have living prrof of that inmy sister inlaws years ago. me being the only one who dodnt work and dint wear brand names,

    Quote Originally Posted by Gardengal18 View Post
    Is she paying your bills? Although I know it hard when this happens with family I still wouldn't give what she thinks a second thought unless she's willing to help you out. Then and only then is she allowed a Vote.

  15. #15
    Registered User miss_thrifty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    6,273
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    23

    Default

    just and ur ground and be firm. I cried buckets of tears and its was his side not my own that made too many comments about how to live a certain way and be a certain size was the only way for anybody to be happy . yeah ok lmao

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Car issues!
    By BlissMommy in forum General Chat
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 04-22-2012, 09:41 PM
  2. Marriage issues...
    By Luv2BeFrugal in forum Support
    Replies: 75
    Last Post: 10-04-2011, 03:51 PM
  3. Is anyone else having issues with the ads
    By kaurand554 in forum Question and Answer
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 09-26-2009, 02:46 AM
  4. Help! Cat issues.
    By mikandmari in forum General Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 08-28-2007, 12:52 PM
  5. Having some issues...
    By Cashmere in forum Family
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 08-30-2004, 11:31 AM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •