Help me understand my wife's reaction

**fixer** · 11-13-2008, 11:17 PM

Originally Posted by rcannon

ok.. I've let the women have their say.

Here's your problem...

You will NEVER understand... tomorrows reaction to the email will be different. It's written in the invisible "how to be a wife handbook" that constantly evolves.

Thanks Russ.

**GFNancy** · 11-13-2008, 11:35 PM

Originally Posted by rcannon

ok.. I've let the women have their say.

Here's your problem...

You will NEVER understand... tomorrows reaction to the email will be different. It's written in the invisible "how to be a wife handbook" that constantly evolves.

Aw... You said evolves. That's a very sweet way to put the inner drama we all put our men through. My DH would get bonus husband points for that one.

**Nishu** · 11-14-2008, 12:16 AM

I would not be sending friendly emails to another woman's husband. I would have to feel suspicious about a woman who is comfortable emailing someone's husband.

**shortstack** · 11-14-2008, 07:48 AM

I hope I'm not too late to comment.
DH and I have a mutual friend who happens to be a female. We have been friends for a very long time. She used to call me all the time and we would chat about this and that. One day she decided it would be ok to stop calling me and to instead call DH on his cell phone. I truly know nothing was going on. I'm completely postive that my DH would never cheat on me but I still got mad. I personally got ticked off because I just didn't think it was proper for this lady to call him on his cell phone knowing that he was married. Now on the other had if she had called him on our home phone and asked to speak with him I don't think it would have even bothered me. It just seemed to me that calling his cell phone was kind of like she was trying to hide something. Maybe your DW thinks that email is just a little too personal? If she emails you again I would make a point to let your DW read it first.

Andrea

**pip** · 11-14-2008, 08:57 AM

Originally Posted by Nishu

I would not be sending friendly emails to another woman's husband. I would have to feel suspicious about a woman who is comfortable emailing someone's husband.

I agree. And the same would apply to calls on his cell phone.

**Wendy99** · 11-14-2008, 09:37 AM

Originally Posted by fixer

. Why can dw get emails from male friends all the time but when I get one in 18 years it is a problem? I only reread it to try to understand the problem.

It's probably just that ... it's out of your 'norm' to get emails from women. If dh never got emails from women in the past, then out of the blue had an interest in emailing with another woman .. honestly I'd have issues with it too ... not saying your doing anything wrong, just how some women feel / think

**vigilant20** · 11-14-2008, 10:07 AM

Originally Posted by rcannon

ok.. I've let the women have their say.

Here's your problem...

You will NEVER understand... tomorrows reaction to the email will be different. It's written in the invisible "how to be a wife handbook" that constantly evolves.

LOL I'm a woman and I totally agree. Her actions made no sense. She gave you permission and got mad that you did what she told you to do. Imagine if you had done something like that?!

**fixer** · 11-14-2008, 10:23 AM

Thanks for all of the help. I understand now that I will never understand which is more than I understood before.

**Russ** · 11-14-2008, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by fixer

Thanks for all of the help. I understand now that I will never understand which is more than I understood before.

makes perfect sense to me.

Parsimonious · 11-14-2008, 12:56 PM

I find this thread extremely interesting. I am often surprised by the large cultural differences between my country and the US. In my cultural context, when somebody would react jealous because his partner exchanged non-sexually-themed e-mails with another woman, I would normally recommend counseling. This would definitely beyond the 'acceptable' degree of jealousy here (unless there was a history of cheating in that relationship).
(No, I do not imply that anybody needs counseling. I only try to describe cultural differences here.)
I consider it 100% normal that men and women, married or single, talk, meet for a coffee, chat online, exchange e-mails, phone each other, etc. I guess I shouldn't be dating American women

**hwmabire3** · 11-14-2008, 03:24 PM

Originally Posted by madhen

Without seeing the contents of your email or the woman's response, it is hard to say. I would suspect (because I am the jealous type) that something in the woman's response sounded too intimate for your wife's liking. Or it was one of those "I said yes, but I really meant no", "hoped you would understand that I said yes because I had to in order to not appear jealous, but really didn't want you to" kind of moments when she told you she didn't have a problem with you emailing the other woman.

Ditto. I think us women do this a lot. Cheating isn't always about having a sexual relationship with someone else. There's such a thing as emotional cheating, too.

I am NOT saying that you are a cheater in any capacity, I'm just saying that may be where she's coming from.

**MisaLady** · 11-18-2008, 11:24 PM

I'm sorry, but I disagree with most women here.

I would never even LOOK at my husband's emails just "over his shoulder". But, if I did, and he was emailing a woman, I wouldn't be upset.

Women are, in general, very jealous creatures. I don't like it and I don't think it's acceptable. If my husband went off on me for emailing, talking to, or hanging out with another guy, I'd tell him where he could stuff it. If it were a specific person, we would talk it over, I suppose. But I don't see that ever happening because Jeremy is just not a jealous person.