Can I please divorce my MOTHER!!!
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 57
  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    North Texas
    Age
    52
    Posts
    1,938
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Angry Can I please divorce my MOTHER!!!

    I just have to get this off my chest as you all will understand. None of my family members understand. By the way this is my biological parents and I look just like them so .........

    The Good News: My Dad is turning the big #70 in October. We are all very grateful that he is in relatively good health and in his right mind. Anyway we were thinking of what to do for him of course we would all like to get together. He is in Kansas. I have five siblings and we are rather spread out Colorado, Kansas, Missouri and I am in Texas. I am the furthest away.

    The not so Good News: I told my mother I was definitely planning on coming. In my spendthrift days I would not compare the cost of driving versus flying however now that I am seriously attempting to decrease my debts I am taking this into consideration. I informed my mother after checking the price of plane tickets, luggage fees, airport parking fees that I would be driving. She had a fit!!! She started into trying to tell me how I should spend my money i.e. I should fly not drive and that I made enough money to do so. I just saw "red" and told her "it is cheaper to drive and what difference did it make as long as I came" then I quickly got off the phone.

    I hate to say this but I am so glad that I moved away from my familiy.

    One of my major reasons for moving away was for similar incidents which she had done to me. When I lived within #3 hours distance of her one day she decided that I NEEDED a new television. I barely turn the stupid thing on but a couple times a year and that was because I would hear about an ice storm and wanted to see the highway conditions. I CAN NOT EVEN SIT THRU AN ENTIRE MOVIE...but she decided that I NEEDED A NEW TELEVISION!!! So she bought a brand new television and then told me that she was giving it to me ....but I had to pay her back half of the purchase price of the television. I DID NOT EVEN WANT THE BLASTED THING!!!!!!! My siblings made me feel so bad that I did reimburse her for half the purchase price of the stupid television which still sits in my house and I rarely turn on.

    Then she offered to buy me a dining room table and chairs. I most graciously and adamantly and loudly told her NO THANK YOU!!! I can just imagine her buying the most expensive one on the show room store and then telling me that I had to pay 90% of the cost and she would pay the other 10%.

    My Dad just goes along with whatever she says!!!!! She thinks I am nuts on being so focused on paying off my debts. She thinks my frugal ways are detestable. She says leftovers are garbage and should promptly be thrown out. She eats out on an almost every other day basis. She has several credit cards as well as a car loan which she makes payments on and she is #68 years old. Thank the Lord that their house is paid off but they have NOTHING in savings. She has a four bedroom house and has filled up three closets as well as the garage and basement with clothes and shoes and she is still purchasing clothes/shoes. She is at the mall every time there is a sale. She is about to finance remodeling her kitchen. Yes, I did say finance and yes she is #68 years old.

    Now she has decided that I need to buy a large house so that when she comes to visit she will be more comfortable. She only comes to visit once every other year. I would be content with a two bedroom cottage...but she wants me to get a three bedroom with two to three baths and at least #2000 feet house. I listen to what she says in one ear and then I let it go out the other ear. She gets frustrated as I just repeat to her that the largest house I will ever buy will be #1200 feet. She gets extremely frustrated with me.

    Sorry so long I just had to let that out!!! I feel a little better. Thank the Lord that I have my frugal village family!!!
    Last edited by larabelle; 06-25-2009 at 05:16 PM.
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    Goal: Donate at least one third of all belongings before the end of the year. I have wwwaaayyy to much stuff!!

  2. #2
    Registered User jamie79's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    wherever the army sends us
    Posts
    2,454
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    I can relate to living far away from family. Just let it roll of your back

  3. #3
    Registered User savvy_sniper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Houston Texas
    Age
    59
    Posts
    2,400
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    19

    Default

    Your mother is having trouble understanding that you are an adult and treating you as such. Moving away is probably the best thing you could have done for yourself.

    Try not to let her upset you! By all means don't let her bully you into doing anything you don't want to do.
    House - Start $127,944 Balance $105,032

  4. #4
    Registered User miss_thrifty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    6,273
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    23

    Default

    first of all huggss
    it sounds like your mother has the wants (spending) problem. and she's trying to make u feel bad if u dont go along with her ways. always be yourself and nevr let anyone tell u otherwise. Id let it go in one ear and out the other.

  5. #5
    Registered User strezzed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    362
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    7

    Default

    Hugs to you first off. Secondly, kudos to you for seeing the problems in the situation with your mother. Thirdly, congratulations for actually doing something about it! So many people see the issues but don't create actions to get out of bad situations. In the end, just know what you're doing is in your best interests.

  6. #6
    Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Groningen, The Netherlands
    Posts
    719
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    10

    Default

    My parents tried to do the same thing: they bought items for my home, without consulting me. (This is when I was single) I reminded them often that it was MY home, not their 'remodelling project'. Sometimes I would insist they take back what they brought into my home. They would never ask me to pay any part of what they bought, though.

    What made it easier to accept is the realization that it mostly came from love. They wanted their daughter to be comfortable, to enjoy a little luxury and quality. In the end, they just had to accept that my home was the way I wanted it to be, luxury or not.

  7. #7
    Registered User vickilynn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,529
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    4
    Rep Power
    12

    Default

    Sweetie, hugs, and prayers are going up for you today. In your sig line you say God is good and truly He is and He will be always. As someone said, let it roll off you back, you'll never change her. But God can give you the love and self control to "let it roll off your back" and be able to honor her.

    Guess how I know?

  8. #8
    Rude and Vile Master Greebo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Baltimore, Maryland
    Age
    45
    Posts
    8,563
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    77

    Default

    Book Recommendation: [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/B001AN8BAC/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1246020830&sr=8-3"]Boundaries[/ame]
    Your mother has none, and you're used to letting her walk over yours if I'm reading your post correctly.
    This book will help you set them for her, but more importantly, for yourself..

  9. #9
    Registered User frugalwarrior's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    1,607
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    173
    Rep Power
    22

    Default

    People put you in certain roles in life. It's who you are in her head. who she needs you to be. The perpetual child-. You don't have to accept this role. If she if 68, I am guessing you are in your 40's at least. If you let her change what you want to do or accept money or things you are agreeing. My shouldering in a lot of pain right now because my 80 year old dad wanted me to tip a 1000 pound tractor to get the oil out. I knew this wasn't logical but mom started to do it. The roots go deep. Sometimes like Lilly of the Valley. (this beautiful flower chokes everything around it out). I recommend the book "Boundries."
    Last edited by frugalwarrior; 06-26-2009 at 10:09 AM.

  10. #10
    Registered User FrugalMomof3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Northern NJ - PBurg
    Age
    42
    Posts
    9,237
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    22

    Default

    Gosh I am sorry you are dealing with this. Time to put your foot down and put it down HARD and fast. Your not a child anymore and her treating you like one is absurd. You are frugal because you have a plan, which is different than hers. Seems she doesnt care about what your plans are but only cares about what "she" feels is best.

    This will continue unless you tell her this has to end RIGHT NOW. As the poster mentioned above BOUNDARIES.

  11. #11
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    North Texas
    Age
    52
    Posts
    1,938
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by savvy_sniper View Post
    Your mother is having trouble understanding that you are an adult and treating you as such. Moving away is probably the best thing you could have done for yourself.
    Yes, moving away was the BEST thing which I did. She continues to ride rough shod over my siblings.
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    Goal: Donate at least one third of all belongings before the end of the year. I have wwwaaayyy to much stuff!!

  12. #12
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    North Texas
    Age
    52
    Posts
    1,938
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FrugalMomof3 View Post
    Gosh I am sorry you are dealing with this. Time to put your foot down and put it down HARD and fast. Your not a child anymore and her treating you like one is absurd. You are frugal because you have a plan, which is different than hers. Seems she doesnt care about what your plans are but only cares about what "she" feels is best.

    This will continue unless you tell her this has to end RIGHT NOW. As the poster mentioned above BOUNDARIES.
    Thanks for the validation. She tries to make me feel so guilty when I put my foot down.
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    Goal: Donate at least one third of all belongings before the end of the year. I have wwwaaayyy to much stuff!!

  13. #13
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    North Texas
    Age
    52
    Posts
    1,938
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    Book Recommendation: Boundaries
    Your mother has none, and you're used to letting her walk over yours if I'm reading your post correctly.
    This book will help you set them for her, but more importantly, for yourself..
    Thanks I will definitely check out this book. I moved away from her in order to escape her control...although she attempts to reach out to me a full two states away.
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    Goal: Donate at least one third of all belongings before the end of the year. I have wwwaaayyy to much stuff!!

  14. #14
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    North Texas
    Age
    52
    Posts
    1,938
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by frugalwarrior View Post
    The perpetual child-. You don't have to accept this role. If she if 68, I am guessing you are in your 40's at least. If you let her change what you want to do or accept money or things you are agreeing."
    Yes I am in my 40's and yes she does still try to treat me like I am six although I have been living on my own - away from her since I was #17.
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    Goal: Donate at least one third of all belongings before the end of the year. I have wwwaaayyy to much stuff!!

  15. #15
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    North Texas
    Age
    52
    Posts
    1,938
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by vickilynn View Post
    Sweetie, hugs, and prayers are going up for you today. In your sig line you say God is good and truly He is and He will be always. As someone said, let it roll off you back, you'll never change her. But God can give you the love and self control to "let it roll off your back" and be able to honor her.

    Guess how I know?
    Yes, I do need to make this a matter of prayer as I do want to honor her...but I also want to maintain/attain some boundaries with her.
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    Goal: Donate at least one third of all belongings before the end of the year. I have wwwaaayyy to much stuff!!

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Has anyone done there own Divorce?
    By oct2667us in forum General Chat
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 03-09-2007, 07:08 PM
  2. Divorce
    By Julia Kimber in forum Support
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 08-20-2006, 10:31 PM
  3. Mother's Bracelets, Mother's Day Special
    By ScrapMama in forum For Sale or Trade
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-21-2004, 07:26 PM
  4. divorce
    By heaven in forum Family
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 09-23-2002, 11:16 AM
  5. divorce
    By heaven in forum Family
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 08-22-2002, 10:53 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •