can a marriage be saved....

[Luckybustert]

I suffer from depression and am currently not on meds. I am trying very hard to not let this situation bring me down. I am trying to laugh more often and keep my spirits lifted so I do not go down that dark road. I am afraid though that when it does fully hit me I will not be able to keep above it.

I'm sorry if this question is too personal, but are you sure being off your meds at this time is a good idea? I suffer from depression too and when I'm not on my meds I tend to start spiraling out of control....I get depressed, irritable, start spending excessively, eating excessively, I am a real b*tch on wheels....hubby really doesn't care to be around me when I'm like this and I don't blame him. So if you're trying to hold things together, maybe this is not the time to be off the meds...just a thought. It's going to take a long time to heal from this, if you ever do, and he needs to stop lying NOW. You don't have a rat's chance in hell of rebuilding the trust if he's still in touch with her and trying to hide it from you. Don't buy into what he says about not wanting to be in touch with her, and the demonstrations like how he deleted her number. You can bet he's got it memorized, so it's all for show. Actions speak much louder than words, and so far his aren't exactly saying that he values you or your relationship.

[ttistin]

When I was going through the cell bill it only goes till a certain date. So I need to wait till the next bill comes out to see if it happens more. I asked him if that was the last time he had contact with her, he said yes but since I can not trust what he is telling me I am going to check the next bill and the ones after that. I have her number memorized, so if I see it on the new bills it is over. I told him I am going to check, I told him if I see it on there I will leave. So if it is on there and he comes with an excuse about forgetting about it I will know he is still lying and will continue to lie to me.

[Palooka]

Good luck and stick to your guns. *hug*

[brenda67]

Any updates???

[WV_mom_of2]

I am really late on this one but I have read every single post on it today. Here is what I see......

He got caught because he sucks at keeping secrets. If you didn't know that and realize that something was wrong and asked him.......he'd still be doing it.

He told his family because he was afraid you would!

He is NOT sorry he cheated. He is sorry that HE GOT CAUGHT!

I don't think you should have to tell the woman anything. HE should make one text message saying THIS IS OVER, DO NOT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN! Then he should change his number. HE should have immediately blocked her on his facebook page. He should have arranged for someone else to finish up the job at her parent's place. HE SHOULD be making alot of adjustments that he is NOT making. The fact that he continued to text her, left her on his Facebook page, etc. should be telling you that he has no intention of it being over with her. He cares more about upsetting her than he does about what you want. That should be saying something to you!

You have warned him that you are watching him and checking up on him. That just gives him reason to find other ways to be with her.

He doesn't want to talk about it and you should just get over it? He's not sorry and doesn't want to hear about how hurt you are. He wants you to get over it so he can have his freedom back and go back to doing what he wants!

Can a marriage be saved after cheating? Maybe. Not for me though. I'd be so gone that his head would spin around in circles when I flew out the door! He didn't care that he would be hurting you, he's now making excuses, he's not doing what he should be to limit contact with her, he doesn't want to talk to you about it, he didn't care that he might be bringing you an STD. I agree with Greebo.....get a lawyer!

HUGS! I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. But do what's right for YOU right now.

[ttistin]

we moved a couple of months ago into a cheaper house, only thing is that the only thing we can get here is dial-up and I don't have this site on the desktop lol I wanted to update you guys on what is going on.

Things are going good. We have days that are up and down but we are working on it. I have been really emotional lately also, found out a few weeks ago that I am pregnant. Yea what a surprise that was. lol I have been making sure that we talk and when something bothers me I make sure to bring it up.

He has not had any more contact with her, manly because I sent a message to some of her facebook friends letting them know what happened. She threw a fit LOL she texted him asking him what my problem was(she used different language) He handed me the phone and I answered her text. She tried to call after a while but I did not answer it because my kids were right with me. Thought it would be better to not talk to her in front of them. Needless to say she was not happy with me, but I could care less. I had told her that if she had contact with my dh again I would make it public, and I did what I said I would.

I will be 12 weeks pregnant Monday, I don't know why it happened now but it did. I hope it is to bring us closer, kinda of a fresh start for us. At least I hope so.

[brenda67]

I'm glad to be eating my own words! I've thought of you often..I am glad everything is working out for you..Congratulations on your pregnancy..HUGS..

[Greebo]

I had told her that if she had contact with my dh again I would make it public, and I did what I said I would.

Holy cow!

YOU, Lady - YOU'VE got balls of cast iron steel!

That's is made of 1000% Grade A AWESOMENESS!

[mndtrp]

I read somewhere this really good advice that said that when expressing your feelings one should use "I feel that..." instead of "You always....".

Along with this, using "we" is far more beneficial than "you".

I'm a big proponent for counseling while married. Not necessarily the one-on-one counseling that is supposed to get to the root of problems, but group counseling that gives advice and methods to avoid having the problems in the first place. My church offers this for a very small price, sometimes free. I don't know if other places offer a service or group such as this, if you aren't religious. Too many people think of counseling as a last ditch effort, when it can help you keep from getting to that point in the first place.

Anywhoo, it's good to hear that things have turned out better.