dealing with sports obsessed hubby

[baxjul]

So, why should she compromise, and not him?

[Inkstain82]

So, why should she compromise, and not him?

I absolutely didn't say that. They have to decide between themselves which one needs to compromise, and it very well probably will be him.

I just said that deciding that what he wants is stupid is a quick way to a snippy, annoyed, foul-mooded husband, so it's probably not the best way to go.

[Russ]

Hey folks, we have really taken this off topic. I'm guilty as well.

Lets go back to the original posters last post and go from there.

For your convenience, her last post in this thread...

Ok- thanks y'all. I really just needed to vent! This is more than my wants vs. his wants. This is my kids and parents getting to spend some precious time together. My kids won't see their grandparents again until April after this. Every year on the Friday after Thanksgiving my mom bakes cookies with my son and he helps her put up her Christmas decorations. This year my DD is old enough to join. I found some articles online about sports addiction, these are the signs-

Do you think about sports when you’re supposed to be doing other things, like spending time with your family?
Do you rush home to catch games or listen obsessively on the radio while you’re out?
Do you feel irritated when family or friends interrupt a game to get you involved with another activity?
Do you spend time at work surfing sports sites to stay on top of what’s going on?
Do you use sports as a way to gamble?
Do you call in sick to work in order to watch games, especially playoffs?

He does all this except gamble (thank God!) He also screams and curses while watching the games on TV and gets in a nasty mood if his team loses. I tried to talk to him about this, but he wouldn't hear it. We have a temporary solution... he will drive up seperately (which is a waste of money) and come home on Friday. I will stay till Sunday and have a great time with my family. This is the last game of the season! woohoo!

[baxjul]

Well, I just wish her the best of luck, and hope that all turns out well.

[lottaLove]

You married him and with that comes every single thing about him that you chose to accept. Now that you two are married and it's becoming an issue, I think you should have thought it through beforehand.

We have to learn to love the ones we're with. That includes being tolerant of one's likes and dislikes. God teaches people to be accepting of others. Marriage isn't a way to get out of doing that.

I think I feel slighted by this post because it implies (to me anyways) that marital problems should be predicted before you say your vows. Didn't predict something and it seriously affects your marriage? Then there is blame for you to take. I divorced my husband for being an adulterer (he wasn't before our marriage, to my knowledge). So reading this made me feel in a way dirty.

I know it's your opinion, you are welcome to it, I just thought I would share how the opinion made me feel personally, it might explain some of the backlash that came up.

I agree you need to have a long sit down. I don't watch sports, but I get the impression having tickets to your team's last game of the season is pretty important to a sports fan. I'm not saying its right to shun family time in favor of sports, or that you are wrong for being upset that he would rather watch a game than spend thanksgiving with your family.
If my SO liked hockey, and had tickets to the last game of the Stanley Cup finals, I would understand if he wanted to go instead of spending time with my family, or was asking me to cut our time short. I don't know if this is the same type of scenario at all. However, if I had to start checking the hockey schedule each time I wanted us to do something, even months in advance, I might get a little upset and we'd have to talk about it.

[Greebo]

I agree with MomToTwoBoys - UP TO A POINT. I think that a couple getting married ought to learn AS MUCH as they can about each other before the marriage begins.

But I only agree up to a point. It is wholly unrealistic to expect anyone to know *everything* about their life partner prior to marriage. One simple subject alone - sex - what if a couple waits for marriage to have sex. How will either of them know the other's pleasures and preferences before hand? Not possible.

That's the obvious subject - but when an "opinion" is posed so strongly as to include everything, it only takes one exception to prove the idea as impossible.

Beyond that - opinion only goes so far, and when opinions contradict what is or what can be - well, I could blatantly declare my opinion that bumblebees can't fly - and every passing buzz will simply declare me a fool as I do so.

[Pemberleyan]

I'm sorry you're in this position -- I know lots of women in the country must be in the same position. I don't think you're being unreasonable. Frankly, we all make time for our priorities. Sports is obviously his priority.

I just happen to be the type of person who couldn't have gotten interested in a man whose interests included sports ;-). DH and I really don't get it either, and we both have relatives who are into it. It just seems like a huge waste of time, energy and money, and that's just my tiny HO.

Having said that, it doesn't mean I knew everything about my DH that I wish I'd known!

[Luckybustert]

I think there's a lot of compromise in any good relationship. So let's say hubby agrees to give up something that he really enjoys (the game) to visit your family. I agree that family is important but we're talking about a visit with YOUR family (parents, your brothers or sisters, etc.) He is only related to them by marriage and if he goes it could be more for your benefit than his. Take a step back from judging him long enough to ask yourself what's in it for him? It's clear he's willing to visit your family, but he also wants to be able to attend a sporting event that he really enjoys and he proposed a compromise that would give you each something you want. You've rejected that proposal. What compromise would you be willing to make in this situation? Is there a win/win solution? Are you just looking for someone to validate your feelings that you are "right" and your husband is "wrong"? Consider also that what we think a person "should" do is usually based on our beliefs and how we would do things, but each person in a marriage is an individual who comes complete with their own beliefs regarding what "should" be. Marriage is not easy....there's a whole lot of give and take to make it work.

[Luckybustert]

We have a temporary solution... he will drive up seperately (which is a waste of money) and come home on Friday. I will stay till Sunday and have a great time with my family.

This is what I meant by a win/win solution....you are spending the holiday together, you get to visit your family for the length of time you wanted, and he gets to leave early to go to his sporting event. Yes, it does cost a little more to drive up separately, but that could be a very small price to pay in the grand scheme of things. And seriously, as far as "obsessions" go, this one is really pretty harmless. He could be doing much, much worse things than being a sports fanatic!

BTW, my husband is also very passionate about his teams and he also yells at the TV screen when they're on and, unfortunately, his football team is good enough this year to be on TV every time I turn around. I've told him I don't like the yelling and I can see that he tries not to do it....but the fact remains that he is very passionate about his team and he gets carried away sometimes. I'd much rather have him home yelling at the TV than out chasing skirts, drinking, doing drugs, etc.!

[JenMarie]

Thank you all for your posts. I have read them all. We had a long long talk about all of this and I am feeling a lot better. He is really wanting to go to this game because he thinks his team might actually win this year against this other team that he hates and has beaten his team for like 30 straight years. He also gets bored at my mom and dad's house. They live out in the country and dont have cable... he is a city boy. And he just doesn't care about family as much as I do, not even his own. His mom died a long time ago. He is not close to his dad or siblings. I talk to my mom at least twice a week and he can go months without talking to his family. Sometimes I will call them and talk for awhile and then pass him the phone just to keep him connected. I have taken the kids to see my in-laws without him on occasion... like his niece's birthday party that was during a game.

I did know that he was a sports nut before we got married. I thought it would get better not worse when we had kids, a house etc... I know he could be into a lot of worse things too. I'm not asking him to never watch sports again... just asked him to skip one game. I even bought him and DS bowl tickets for CHristmas last year and the game was on our 10 year anniversary!

gotta go get ready for work. thanks again for your posts. It was helpful to read everyone's different opinions.

and the muffin thing was hilarious!

[Greebo]

I think you guys have come up with the best possible solution given the conflicting interests.

Bear in mind - this won't be the last time this comes up. For future planning, you might want to start saving up for other means of travel - so you all could at least head out together. A plane ride may beat an 8 hour drive all by yourself with 2 kids.

Of course, if one of the kids also gets into sports, your annual trip could end up being each of you gets one kid on the way up, and the other kid on the way back, giving lots of parent child time.

[Rebookie]

I like a hearty debate and I don't think ANYONE in this post is wrong or right. It's the reflection of our own thinking.. It's show a bit of who we are.. I'm just glad that everyone is around and willing to share it.

[Inkstain82]

I'm glad it worked out!