Why Can't People Stay Friends?

[Lucywu2012]

I got to know the other three girls fairly well. Occasionally we spent time socializing. We weren't "best friends" but I figured we were close enough to "stay" friends. Then I get laid off. Since then we've had one social outing which was about two/three months ago. Recently I tried to do another one and I got the cold shoulder. They all sounded like they were going to come and then started coming up with lame excuses last minute. Now when I call them, no one calls me back. What happened? Just because we no longer work together, why can't we enjoy each other's company? I suddenly feel like that "annoying girl" whom no one wants to associate with. It shouldn't bother me but it does. It hurts pretty bad. I really liked these people. I've always been nice to them. I'm always real with people. I don't like beating around the bush or playing games. I really cannot see what went wrong here and it hurts that they won't even talk to me. I don't even know why I care...now with my newer job I have some "friends" but I feel hurt from this past experience. It's effecting my view of new people I meet.

[nadine64]

I hear you loud and clear. You think that people could be mature enough to handle a relationship outside of work even if you don't share the same workplace any longer. I still remain friends with a few people from my past workplaces, not a lot though. Same thing pretty much happens. And I've only had to actually "break off" a friendship after another employee got let go because the only reason they ever contacted me was to drill me for information on the workplace, which made me very uncomfortable to say the least. Try not to let it affect your view too much. Not all of us are bad apples.

[Syn D]

Some people don't think they can relate anymore when someone leaves a job or moves.. I had this person that we talked daily and spent time out, when we moved out of state our "friendship" pretty much ended, even after I made efforts there was nothing. Well, months later I called her and asked her what was going on, she said ~ I figured the move was a big adjustment for you and figured you needed a chance to make new friends.. For one, never assume with me.. For two if I want to make knew friends I will, but that doesn't mean I have to drop the old ones..

A lot of people just assume what someone needs or how they will feel. Loosing your job doesn't mean you need to lose your friends. Maybe if their still there they are uncomfortable about it and assume it would be to hard to socialize with you..

It's not uncommon for people to just be work friends and it takes something like this to realize you were just a work friend..

[Darlene]

Sorry, I know it hurts. It's more than likely not because of some flaw in you but rather they think the big common denominator was your work relationship. Too bad for them, they are missing out on you. That's a more positive way to look at it.

Now it's time to roll with it and get busy cultivating new friendships. Instead of looking at making new friends negatively get ready for some new adventures with people who will bring different ideas, stories etc. to your life.
Some will stay, some will go but all will bring something to your life.
Wishing you well.

[mek42]

If they ignore you, they can ignore the fact that you were laid off. If they ignore the fact that you were laid off, they can ignore the real possibility one of them might be next on the chopping block.

Now for the paranoid thought of the day, maybe they knew someone was going to be laid off and played shenanigans in order to be "not it" and now feel some sort of unpleasant guilt emotion when confronted with a reminder of your continued existence.

[Inkstain82]

I'm caught in the middle right now of a good one.

My wife has and old friend from high school who hit it pretty big. She's a fairly big shot photographer in a major city. She wasn't very popular in HS, and she's got a chip on her shoulder about that which makes her want to *constantly* brag about her accomplishments.

We live pretty far from her now, so the only contact is on facebook. My wife has a very negative reaction to her "brag" posts (which are sometimes about what she's doing now, sometimes recycling decades-old accomplishments). It finally got to the point where she just deleted her old friend of facebook and cut off contact.

My own opinion is that Mrs. Inkstain is a bit jealous of her friend's success, and that while her friend's egotism is offputting, we all have personality flaws and it's not that big of a deal.

So her friend wants to know why an old friendship has apparently been cut off, and she keeps asking me about it. All I can do is tell her to talk to Mrs. Inkstain and that I'll pass on the message that she wants to talk. Obviously, I can't get in the middle of it, but man are those conversations awkward.

[onencgirl]

Friendships will come and go all thru life. Some will stick and some will not. As people change and get to different stages in their lives, friend ships also change.

[Ali Lee]

I agree with the above-onencgirl. We all have people we have "befriended" thru out life. They are only "there" for so long... then life moves on...and they're not there. No one is to blame & nothing is wrong with you. Thru out my life I've made work friends. When I've moved on to a different job, my friends there have slipped by, and new ones have been made. You just let them go, move on, let it roll off your back. Be happy.

[Saule]

It's hard to experience since for many of us work provides the most consistent adult interactions, and you really do make friends or what you think are friends through work. I had one who I thought was a friend (to the extent of going to her kids' weddings, etc), but then when work circumstances changed just a little, she cut me off. Or, I remember that I was part of a group of friends in my early and mid twenties, with parties, and get-togethers after church, and weddings. Some people have stayed friends or at least cordial to this day, but a number of them cut me off when they had kids and I was not fortunate enough to have any. I realize not all of our interests are quite the same, but it was still rather hurtful.

At any rate, I think this is one of those areas where "not putting all your eggs in one basket" makes sense. Having alternative areas through which to make friends is important. It might be church, it might be a club, it might be night school classes. I am sure you will develop meaningful friendships to replace these that perhaps were not as genuine as you had hoped.

[mauimagic]

Since I have had so many more years to experience different friendship (okay another way of saying I'm old!!) - you just never know what form a relationship will take as the changes of the years go by. Please don't take it personally - I try to assume that everyone is doing the best that they can in whatever they do - and then I really enjoy those who are around me at the moment!! Take care.

[Palooka]

That's girls for ya..... I slowly lost all my work friends that I thought I was close to at one point.

[Syn D]

I have met many people over the years, some friends, some have become best friends. People come and go, just cherish the time you had if it was special to you..

I feel very content that I have had the same best friend for 27 yrs. (I'm 42) and even tho' I have moved many times, we never lost each other..

I have come across many old school friends on another site, but I know we can't start back where we ended, but it's just nice to know how they are..

[mndtrp]

I don't think it has much to do with maturity at all. I think it has more to do with proximity and convenience. They were your friends, [i]at that time in your life[/]. I have a couple friends that I have stayed involved with over the past 2 decades, while there are friends that I haven't talked to at all in the same 2 decades.

[Englishlady]

I think this is more common than you think.

I had the same problem and I thought Nurses would be more understanding, but I was wrong!

Many people can't relate to those with whom they have nothing in common and if the job was the only thing you guys had in common then THEY were obviously not able to sustain the relationship.

Don't take it personally, other people will come into your life. (((Hugs)))

[Dixie]

The original poster, Lucywu2012 was banned from this site, after she started this thread, Do You Feel Like A Part Of The Forum Yet?