men vs women speak

[Russ]

Is it really this simple?

A Women's Guide To Male English

-- What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

-- I'm hungry = I'm hungry

-- I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy

-- I'm tired = I'm tired

-- What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.

-- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before

-- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

-- I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!


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A Man's Guide To Female English

-- We need to talk = I need to complain

-- Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to

-- I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

-- We need = I want

-- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

-- Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

-- I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

-- You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

-- You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

-- I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period

-- Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

-- I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... (not the women here)

-- I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white (not the women here)

-- Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

-- I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

-- Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive (TOTALLY not the women here)

-- How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

-- I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

-- Is my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

-- You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

-- Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

-- Yes = No

-- No = No

-- Maybe = No

-- I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

-- This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house (not the women here)

-- Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

-- Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

-- All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook? (not the women here)

[nuisance26]

~I'm not a guy so I can't comment on what they may really be thinking when they say what they say but I will repost the girl sayings that are true for me.

-- We need to talk = I need to complain

-- Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to

-- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

-- Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

-- Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

-- No = No

-- Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.


I tend to say exactly what I mean when talking to DH because men can't seem to take hints. I don't like wasting my time trying to get him to understand what I want or need so I usually go direct. Of course then I don't have the out of telling myself that maybe he just didn't understand my hint if he says no or reacts badly to what I tell him I need.~

[Greebo]

I tend to say exactly what I mean when talking to DH because men can't seem to take hints. I don't like wasting my time trying to get him to understand what I want or need so I usually go direct.

Ah, good - he's getting you trained!

[fernykins]

funny........some of it is so true
Fern

[JanieD]

My favorite...
I hear a noise = I noticed you were asleep.

Thanks for sharing these! SO FUNNY & I actually agree w/many of them!

[pollypurebred39]

My personal favorite


-- I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

[Russ]

-- Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

[monkeywrangler71]

I try to say what I mean, but I don't like to be pushy - so I end up doing these:

-- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
-- Yes = No
-- No = No
-- Maybe = No