Problems with DH.

[lisaflex]

communication and together are very good words to hear from you! they are super important to a solid marriage

[frugalfoster]

It's all about the rocks..... Ashley....you're young....you'll be ok....work it through....

[mndtrp]

So many problems could be avoided, or worked through, if people would talk with each other more often. My wife and I have been married all of 3 months, and have already been to counseling. I get 8 free sessions a year through my work, and we figured "why not?" People change the oil in their car, it makes sense to perform maintenance on our marriage as well. The session was enlightening, and while there wasn't any real issues, there were still things brought up that we could do a little differently to avoid future issues. Those things revolved around communication, and the reactions to that communication.

Anyway, most people who aren't advocating divorce have already provided good info. Be direct in your discussions, using tact and respect, and definitely be open minded. Hopefully, your husband is in the same court and can be reciprocal. I would suggest talking openly, often, and not letting things simmer. If emotions become heated, recognize the situation, and try to take a brief recess to calm down. Don't simply walk off, but say you want 5 minutes to breathe deep, and come back with a clear head.

I suggest continuing with your church, and seek assistance from the faculty, as well as other members. Your husband may or may not be open to the religious aspect of church, but there is still a lot of good information in the Bible that he can learn. In time, he may join you in church, but I wouldn't force the issue. If you learn something new that will help your situation, discuss it with him.

I would go out on a limb and guess that his not working is making him feel inadequate as a husband. He isn't providing, and probably feels kind of worthless. Help him to see that you're still doing ok financially, even if that may not be the case, but as long as you are eating and have a roof over your head, you're doing all right. Let him know that helping out around the house is just as useful and productive as having a job. Thank him for anything positive he does, and don't chastise him if he screws something up.

Go on dates again. You don't have to spend money, have a picnic. Go to the main street and drink some coffee that you brought with you. I don't know the size of where you live, but Home Depot has free classes on various topics. Just do things together that make you interact with each other.

Skip the drinking on your birthday. If you go out with friends, they surely won't mind, especially since you don't drink any other time. If you have a party, once you kick everyone out, get some lovin' on the living room floor. Romance and intimacy seem to go by the wayside because people become apathetic towards their relationships. I've seen it happen with others, I've seen where it started happening in my relationships, and the pre-marital and post-marital counselors have both mentioned this.

I realize this may sound like it's all your fault, and if you would just shape up all will be perfect. That's not the case. Since it's only you we can talk to, we can only give you advice on what to do, and hope that he starts to shape up as well. It probably won't be easy, it probably won't be quick, and it definitely won't be something you can stop doing in the future.

Keep communicating. See the good things in your life, and talk about those good things. Praise each other, love each other, enjoy your life together. Any day you wake up is a good day, it just might be a tougher good day than the one before.

[mek42]

Maybe less thinking about assigning fault or blame and more thinking about what is the reality of the relation right now, what do you each not like about it. Then figure out what you want the reality to be instead and then figure out how to make it happen. If you don't know how to make the change happen, then seek help.