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  1. #166
    Registered User RABBIT's Avatar
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    Ashley, I normally do not post on threads like this or many threads at all for that matter but I felt I need to join in because after reading this whole thing something is just not adding up for me.

    Please try to understand that I am not trying to be rude or disrespectful. Sometimes I have a difficult time with words and everyone who knows me knows I can be alittle blunt. So here goes............

    You seem to be portraying yourself as someone who is very needy, almost emotionally crippled and full of anxiety yet you watch someone's children for a living. I can't imagine someone hiring someone like that to watch their children. So I have to believe that when you are at work, you are capable of taking care of yourself as well as the two children. Can you put some of those skills to work for you at home? Look at yourself as if you were on of those children and take charge like you do when you are watching them. Do you understand what I mean? Think about what you would say to them if they were scared of something, how would you reason with them?

    As far as the anxieties go, I really don't know much about dealing with them but I think if you had a plan *before* you had an attack you might be more empowered. Like think of what might happen when you go to church. You might get anxiety when they start singing, so think of something you could do. You could stare at the hymnal and pray. Tell God you know that he knows your anxious over the singing and ask him to help you get through the song. Now do the same thing with getting on the bus, go through everything in your head that might cause you anxiety and try to fiqure out what your going to do if that happens. If men make you nervous on the bus bring a really good book and concentrate on that. I don't have anxiety problems but I do get scared or anxious over certain situations and I have learned that if I think it through beforehand, worse case scenario, I feel better that I just have a plan.

    I listen to Dr. Joy Brown on her radio show and she talks about something called Square Breathing and recommends it to people with anxiety disorders. It's something like breathe in for the count of 5, hold for the count of 5, breathe out for the count of 5. You might want to google it since I don't know if thats exactly right but the point is when you start feeling anxious you do the breathing and you have to concentrate on that and it maybe slows your heart down or something?

  2. #167
    Registered User AnW819's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jas View Post
    I added more to my last post.

    Ashley I have no idea why the noise effects us when we are on high anxiety, I have to say that now it does not bother me.

    There are whole groups of people that are sensitive to sounds that don't bother others. You said you can't hear well to being with, neither can I. Other people hear stuff and I am clueless.

    Now that you have that little tidbit of info know that you are not crazy or alone. It may have even talked about the sesitivity to0 sound on that website.

    I would imagine that you want help desparately so it would not hurt to take the time to read all the info there. Don't buy anything, even if you had the money. I did and know that all the info in on the site already and I could tell you what it is anyway.

    Give it a try what have you got to lose and you may gain your life back like I did.

    Panic-And-Anxiety-Attacks.com

    watch the little movie thing it is good at describing what happens during a panic attack.
    Thanks so much Jas!! I am going to read everything tomorrow when I am in PA, and have internet connection

    Quote Originally Posted by shellyrhds View Post
    I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but maybe your problems in your marriage are because you are expecting your husband to fix everything? I mean, it seems that he has to make it okay to shower, make it okay to go to the store, make it okay to get to church, make it okay to function. That's not his job. His job is to love you, sure, but after 7 or 8 years of dealing with so many insecurities, I know I wouldn't feel like snuggling or hugging or reassuring. Everyone has their limit as to what they can endure, and maybe he has put emotional space between you because he can't handle all of the neediness of your anxieties and psychological disorders? Not trying to be mean, really I'm not. And your husband may be a grade A turd. All I know from my 15 years of marriage experience, is it is never okay to make the other person in a marriage feel like their job is only to keep you sane and unafraid.. there's so much more to marriage than that. Get to a dr. Get meds. Get counseling. Until you get yourself straight, you shouldn't be considering major life changing events, such as seperation and divorce. Maybe he's emotionally distant because he's tired of trying to make the world okay for you. You're the only one who can do that. Like I said, no hate. Just practical advice.
    I agree. I am sure its hard on my DH, and he has a hard time dealing with my anxieties, but, that is not an excuse to not hug me. Or show me love. He is suppose to love me in sickness and in health, and DH has known I have had anxiety and depression problems (which were worse a few years back) when he married me and got together with me, same as I knew he has intimacy problems. I just thought he would over come them, and maybe he thought my anxiety would go away?

    Quote Originally Posted by RABBIT View Post
    Ashley, I normally do not post on threads like this or many threads at all for that matter but I felt I need to join in because after reading this whole thing something is just not adding up for me.

    Please try to understand that I am not trying to be rude or disrespectful. Sometimes I have a difficult time with words and everyone who knows me knows I can be alittle blunt. So here goes............

    You seem to be portraying yourself as someone who is very needy, almost emotionally crippled and full of anxiety yet you watch someone's children for a living. I can't imagine someone hiring someone like that to watch their children. So I have to believe that when you are at work, you are capable of taking care of yourself as well as the two children. Can you put some of those skills to work for you at home? Look at yourself as if you were on of those children and take charge like you do when you are watching them. Do you understand what I mean? Think about what you would say to them if they were scared of something, how would you reason with them?

    As far as the anxieties go, I really don't know much about dealing with them but I think if you had a plan *before* you had an attack you might be more empowered. Like think of what might happen when you go to church. You might get anxiety when they start singing, so think of something you could do. You could stare at the hymnal and pray. Tell God you know that he knows your anxious over the singing and ask him to help you get through the song. Now do the same thing with getting on the bus, go through everything in your head that might cause you anxiety and try to fiqure out what your going to do if that happens. If men make you nervous on the bus bring a really good book and concentrate on that. I don't have anxiety problems but I do get scared or anxious over certain situations and I have learned that if I think it through beforehand, worse case scenario, I feel better that I just have a plan.

    I listen to Dr. Joy Brown on her radio show and she talks about something called Square Breathing and recommends it to people with anxiety disorders. It's something like breathe in for the count of 5, hold for the count of 5, breathe out for the count of 5. You might want to google it since I don't know if thats exactly right but the point is when you start feeling anxious you do the breathing and you have to concentrate on that and it maybe slows your heart down or something?
    I am GREAT with kids. Always have been. My grandma raised me and had an inhome daycare. I took care of kids my WHOLE life. Watching children gives me no anxities, and I did have anxiety when I first started there because I did not know the parents but they are the most loving people. I don't have anxiety at work. I don't know why, but I don't. Just because I have anxiety does not mean I have anxiety about EVERYTHING and ALL DAY. There are some people who have it about everything, and are not even able to leave the house. I am still able to leave the house. Certain places, and things give me anxiety. That is the difference between anxiety, and panic. My ocd bothers me terribly at work. I have ocd about toys being all over the place, and not being able to clean them up because they are kids, and that gives me anxiety, but its like that with every job for me. Like when I was a cake decorator, I had to clean my piping bags everyday. My dishes had to be clean right away. While it bothers me at work, I still work through it, because I enjoy my job. The only fear I have at work, is I have to check on the kids every 20 minutes while they are napping. I am not sure what I am afraid of, but if I don't I get bad anxiety. But I am sure most parents do this anyway?

    My old councerler told me to do the whats the worst that can happen, think it through, talk yourself out of it, and that makes my panic worse. Because then I do think of the worst thing that can happen. To me, I don't see why this helps???

    Thanks for your help all

  3. #168
    Registered User Nana2two's Avatar
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    Just a comment. Might have been mentioned and i missed it but, these 2 guys that your talking with "A" and the ex boyfriend , do they know your married? I know your lacking the attention from your husband but what kind guys are they if they know your married. Have you expressed that your unhappy to these guys? All i say is be care full because most not all guys love the good chase and it's a power trip for these guys to know your married.If your husband won't change then do the right thing. Get some counsling for yourself and get out of the relationship and wait awhile to get back into a relationship.

  4. #169
    Registered User AnW819's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nana2two View Post
    Just a comment. Might have been mentioned and i missed it but, these 2 guys that your talking with "A" and the ex boyfriend , do they know your married? I know your lacking the attention from your husband but what kind guys are they if they know your married. Have you expressed that your unhappy to these guys? All i say is be care full because most not all guys love the good chase and it's a power trip for these guys to know your married.If your husband won't change then do the right thing. Get some counsling for yourself and get out of the relationship and wait awhile to get back into a relationship.
    Thanks, and yes, they do know I am married. I am not talking to them anymore though.

  5. #170
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    I have a book to recommend that I would like for you to get your hands on. I deal with anxiety as well, but not to that extreme.

    The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne. It really helped me and many times I have picked it up again from my bookshelf.

    I agree to work on your mental health first and your mind will be so much clearer.

  6. #171
    Registered User Nana2two's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AnW819 View Post
    Thanks, and yes, they do know I am married. I am not talking to them anymore though.
    Glad to hear your not. You do need to see someone for your anxiety. It will start showing it's ugly head in every aspect of your life. If you don't take of it now. Then it will control your relationships with others. Like others have mentioned over the last few months it has been wishy washy with comments. 1 time your so in love with him, then you dislike him because he is not giving what you want. Have you given him what he wants? I truely and sorry your going through some tough times. But you should never get on a public forum and bash your husband. His he doing it to you? Very disrepsectful. I know everyone has some sort of problems with spouses at some point in time. But how do you know he isn't getting online and reading all this stuff. How can he respect you and feel romantic if your getting on here bashing him. Just a thought!I mean you might not like to hear all this stuff. But it's very true.

  7. #172
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    I don't think her motive was to bash her husband.

  8. #173
    Registered User Nana2two's Avatar
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    Everyone I'm sure see's it differently. I 'm just saying its a respect thing.We all don't know what the story is in this house. I guess it's easy for us all to sit back and see that she is unhappy.But takes 2 to make or break a marriage.Many post i have seen where she has wrote things that she has done to her husband . I'm not taking her husbands side, but trying too see it on 2 sides here.

  9. #174
    Registered User AnW819's Avatar
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    Things I Have done to my husband? No matter what happens I never lie to my hubby. He knows I post on here about our marriage and he is okay with it because he knows I can vent here and such. You are like my friends. But I do not see it as bashing him. Everything I post here, I have said to my DH.

  10. #175
    Registered User Nana2two's Avatar
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    Well this is my last comment on this. I wish you the best.But please remember Ashley .Only you can take care of your own life.I have seen many marriages end because the wife does not feel like she is loved or wanted. Even if its just a hug or sexual. You feel empty. But guys think way to different then us. Its a respect thing for them. If hubby can't feel the respect from his wife then the wife will not be hugged and kissed on. Just out of curiosity i asked my husband a bit ago. What is the #1 reason why men back off from there wife and not show emotions or love. He said RESPECT. He said if a man feels stepped on, yelled at,put down to others its a major turn off.

  11. #176
    Registered User AnW819's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nana2two View Post
    Well this is my last comment on this. I wish you the best.But please remember Ashley .Only you can take care of your own life.I have seen many marriages end because the wife does not feel like she is loved or wanted. Even if its just a hug or sexual. You feel empty. But guys think way to different then us. Its a respect thing for them. If hubby can't feel the respect from his wife then the wife will not be hugged and kissed on. Just out of curiosity i asked my husband a bit ago. What is the #1 reason why men back off from there wife and not show emotions or love. He said RESPECT. He said if a man feels stepped on, yelled at,put down to others its a major turn off.
    You know, I have showed my husband MUCH respect for the past 7 years. Withen the last 2 weeks while talking to the 2 other guys was the only time I ever disrespected him. We fight, but that is 'not showing him respect'. And I really don't care what a man feels is enough reason to NOT HUG HIS WIFE. That is just rude. Hurtful. Downright disrespectful and not being a loving husband. I don't care the reason, unless you are being cheated on or something of the sort, or after a fight I can see, but not for years.

    I am NOT a disrespectful person, to ANYONE. Ever. I am the most respectful 22 year old you will ever meet.




    I appreciate everyones help. I am going to bring this whole thread out and take what I need from it to grow and learn. Thanks all <3

  12. #177
    Rude and Vile Master Greebo's Avatar
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    Ashley, DH probably meant what he promised when he married you.

    What he probably didn't know was just how emotionally exhausting dealing with someone who has severe depression and anxiety can be. This is the voice of experience talking here. There's a reason my wonderful wife Ceashels is my 2nd wife.

    I won't go into the details - they don't really parallel yours - but in the end, I had to leave her to save myself from being sucked down into the same dark depression. It was swim away or be dragged down by the drowning.
    If you could kick in the pants the person responsible for your problems, you wouldn't be able to sit for a month.

    Did you know that a 4 year student paying $20,000/year who finances their education graduates with over $103,000 in debt to start? But a student who works and pays cash and takes 6 years to graduate ends with $6,300 in their pocket! So much for "getting a head start by financing!"


    Greebo
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    WARNING: Y Chromosome behind the keyboard. Adjust your listening filters appropriately!

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  13. #178
    Registered User AnW819's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    Ashley, DH probably meant what he promised when he married you.

    What he probably didn't know was just how emotionally exhausting dealing with someone who has severe depression and anxiety can be. This is the voice of experience talking here. There's a reason my wonderful wife Ceashels is my 2nd wife.

    I won't go into the details - they don't really parallel yours - but in the end, I had to leave her to save myself from being sucked down into the same dark depression. It was swim away or be dragged down by the drowning.
    DH and I actually talked about this last night. I did appologize to him if I was being emotionally exausted. He said "what are you talking about??", and I told him that I am sure my anxiety can be rough. He said "it use to be, but not anymore. Your anxiety still bothers you??"

    And you know, I have not shown my anxiety in front of DH, because in the past DH has made it clear he cannot handle it. He starts calling me crazy and such, because he is not sure how to cope with it. I hide my anxiety from him, but a lot of things he is just use to. Like not sleeping with a fan. He is use to not sleeping with one now that he does not even think of the real reason he said.

    I also asked him if I was disrespectful to him. He said that when I call him lazy, that is a bit disrespectful, but he does see the reason why I would say that so it goes "both ways" he said.

    It was nice that DH didnt put all the blame on me, and did take some himself, because we both see we need to work on things.

    We had an excellent talk last night, and instead of going on a lecture about things he is doing to hurt me, I let him know things I now see about myself that I need to fix, and I appologized to him for never seeing them. And this was a talk AFTER DH wanted to cuddle with me and such, and it made me so happy I started crying, and he was like omg, what, are you hurt, whats wrong?? And that is what started this much needed talk.

    It twas a good night, and while it was 1 good night, that doesnt mean every night is going to be a good night. Still gotta work on it.

  14. #179
    Registered User mslolsalot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AnW819 View Post
    My old councerler told me to do the whats the worst that can happen, think it through, talk yourself out of it, and that makes my panic worse. Because then I do think of the worst thing that can happen. To me, I don't see why this helps???
    I do this exercise with some of my clients. It helps because it shows you that you have the skills to survive negative events. When you see the outcome of a worry isn't necessarily as catastrophic as you're thinking, it removes some of the anxiety about that though/possible event. Eventually, if you follow this exercise through, you will see that no matter what, the sun will rise again- and that you have the power to be happy.

    Overcoming anxiety has a lot to do with what we're thinking and how much we're thinking it. Yes, it has neurochemical component too, but a key point to overcoming it is to take some level of control over your thinking. That's why the above exercise works. Of course, you have to actually do it for it to work.

    Although you have had an overwhelming number of opinions and suggestions posted here, I will throw in that I work with a simple book called "Coping With Anxiety" all the time and my clients find that it really helps.

  15. #180
    Registered User flashyMcGee's Avatar
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    You can watch Fireproof for free on Youtube.

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