Yeah, I know...this is I am sure the millionth post about how unhappy I am in my marriage. But, a few things happened the past week, and I need someone to cry to.
Our marriage has been pretty bad for a while. Got married at 18 after being together for 4 1/2 years. Now we have been married for 3 1/2 years. 8 years together.
Our problems have been the same for SO long. Main problem, is DH is not affectionate at all. No hugs, no kisses, no making me feel good about myself, no romance. Nothing. I am living with a roommate. Well, after years and years of telling DH how this literally makes me feel like im dying inside, nothing has changed.
So, I started to notice I am becoming attracted and interested in other men. Ugh. After years of not affection and love and such, it really started to wear on me. So I start talking to this guy who found me on facebook. This guy, well call him A. I like him, he is cool. Just friends. Start to kinda get butterflys, ya know, because he is giving me attention. I feel really bad about it. I tell DH. DH makes me feel like a piece of crap. I never hung out with this guy, nothing, but I feel like I am emotionally cheating.
So DH and I have it out, we are gonna work on things, he is gonna change. I stop talking to A. Two weeks later, our marriage, nothing has changed. I am tossing the D word around, and as much as I tried not to, I started talking to A again.
Then an ex bf, that I actually broke up with wayne for right before we got married finds me on facebook. Now more feelings are coming back. I did not tell DH about this one.
So, DH does not want to leave, and wants to work it out, and I have given up at this point. (I know to you guys it might not seem like I tried but please keep in mind, there is a lot more past to this story). I tell dad, I think we are going to divorce and its killing me because I am a Christian and I just DO NOT believe in divorce, but the feelings I am feeling are really just making me so depressed.
Dad comes home and sits down with me and Wayne. Bacically tells Wayne to stop being stupid, says can't you open your eyes and see her balling her eyes out to you right now she is in so much pain??? Dad was nice about it but had to try to get him to realise. I mean, this talk with all 3 of us was awesome!!! I really thought wow, maybe wayne will get it now?? We talked that night, cuddled for the first time in who knows how long.
Next morning, it was like it never happened. And I am still talking to these guys, I am still hating wayne for making me feel like this, and I just have no idea what I am suppose to do here. Obviously, stop talking to these guys, but, its really not that easy.
I leave Wayne, dad kicks me out because bride is gonna move it, I have no where to go, no car, no money, I have nothing. I feel stuck.
I know I am being stupid, but I am hurting so bad inside. I mean, to have no affection from the person you love for 7 years really hurts. I mean, I know I have to give Wayne a chance to change like dad said, but isnt 7 years enough time to change???? And even after that talk, how hard is it for the text day to hug me, kiss me, make me feel good about myself?? I mean, I just don't see how something like that is an effort? How that takes time??? And even when Wayne did it that night, I just feel like it was so fake. Like he knew he HAD to do it.
I just can't take it anymore.
Our marriage has been pretty bad for a while. Got married at 18 after being together for 4 1/2 years. Now we have been married for 3 1/2 years. 8 years together.
Our problems have been the same for SO long. Main problem, is DH is not affectionate at all. No hugs, no kisses, no making me feel good about myself, no romance. Nothing. I am living with a roommate. Well, after years and years of telling DH how this literally makes me feel like im dying inside, nothing has changed.
So, I started to notice I am becoming attracted and interested in other men. Ugh. After years of not affection and love and such, it really started to wear on me. So I start talking to this guy who found me on facebook. This guy, well call him A. I like him, he is cool. Just friends. Start to kinda get butterflys, ya know, because he is giving me attention. I feel really bad about it. I tell DH. DH makes me feel like a piece of crap. I never hung out with this guy, nothing, but I feel like I am emotionally cheating.
So DH and I have it out, we are gonna work on things, he is gonna change. I stop talking to A. Two weeks later, our marriage, nothing has changed. I am tossing the D word around, and as much as I tried not to, I started talking to A again.
Then an ex bf, that I actually broke up with wayne for right before we got married finds me on facebook. Now more feelings are coming back. I did not tell DH about this one.
So, DH does not want to leave, and wants to work it out, and I have given up at this point. (I know to you guys it might not seem like I tried but please keep in mind, there is a lot more past to this story). I tell dad, I think we are going to divorce and its killing me because I am a Christian and I just DO NOT believe in divorce, but the feelings I am feeling are really just making me so depressed.
Dad comes home and sits down with me and Wayne. Bacically tells Wayne to stop being stupid, says can't you open your eyes and see her balling her eyes out to you right now she is in so much pain??? Dad was nice about it but had to try to get him to realise. I mean, this talk with all 3 of us was awesome!!! I really thought wow, maybe wayne will get it now?? We talked that night, cuddled for the first time in who knows how long.
Next morning, it was like it never happened. And I am still talking to these guys, I am still hating wayne for making me feel like this, and I just have no idea what I am suppose to do here. Obviously, stop talking to these guys, but, its really not that easy.
I leave Wayne, dad kicks me out because bride is gonna move it, I have no where to go, no car, no money, I have nothing. I feel stuck.
I know I am being stupid, but I am hurting so bad inside. I mean, to have no affection from the person you love for 7 years really hurts. I mean, I know I have to give Wayne a chance to change like dad said, but isnt 7 years enough time to change???? And even after that talk, how hard is it for the text day to hug me, kiss me, make me feel good about myself?? I mean, I just don't see how something like that is an effort? How that takes time??? And even when Wayne did it that night, I just feel like it was so fake. Like he knew he HAD to do it.
I just can't take it anymore.