I am heartbroken...
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  1. #1
    Kyn
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    I am heartbroken...

    I am in tears writing this. Married 9 years, but now I need to get a divorce-for my sanity. How do I go about doing that? And before any asks there is no hope. He took my wallet-how can I drive to work without a DL (I lost my SS card). We are flat broke-$30 in savings. Can I get full custody of my DD5 esp since he is on probation for a domestic violence charge? (He won't hurt me now-I still have my phone)...I don't know what to do...I can't talk to my family about it-or his. I just don't know how to do this. I make $1161 biweekly. Mortage is $832. Utlilties varies. he is going to fight me for DD5...

    Oh and my mom and dad are coming tomorrow-how can I tell them that I failed at marriage (considering I failed at everything else).

    Sorry if writing is disconjointed...I am in tears, I don't know what to do. I just need someone to talk (or type) to.

  2. #2
    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kyn View Post
    I am in tears writing this. Married 9 years, but now I need to get a divorce-for my sanity. How do I go about doing that? And before any asks there is no hope. He took my wallet-how can I drive to work without a DL (I lost my SS card). We are flat broke-$30 in savings. Can I get full custody of my DD5 esp since he is on probation for a domestic violence charge? (He won't hurt me now-I still have my phone)...I don't know what to do...I can't talk to my family about it-or his. I just don't know how to do this. I make $1161 biweekly. Mortage is $832. Utlilties varies. he is going to fight me for DD5...

    Oh and my mom and dad are coming tomorrow-how can I tell them that I failed at marriage (considering I failed at everything else).

    Sorry if writing is disconjointed...I am in tears, I don't know what to do. I just need someone to talk (or type) to.
    Very sorry for what you are going through. First off, yes you can drive to work until you can get all this straightened out. There are days that I have mistakenly left my purse at home and didn't realize it until I got home later, stuff happens.

    I'd say talk to the police if you can about the wallet, see if they can help you get it back.

    Go into your bank and talk to them about the accounts to see what can happen there. Was it a joint account? Will you be able to stay at the house? If it was a joint account, and you are flat broke anyhow, I would take your name off the joint account for now just so he can't incur debt under your name. Open a new account in your name only and have your direct deposit (if you had that) switched over to the new account so you can pay your bills.

    Call the DMV for information about your driver's license to find out how to get another one. You could do this over your lunch break.

    I could list a ton of advice but I'll let others jump in as well before this posting becomes a novel. Hugs. You can do this, you can get through this.
    "If you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, march down there and light it yourself."

    Car loan (ugh, again!)
    Husband's debt to work on, mine is gone except car loan. w00t!

    Yah, I suck at this money stuff, I know. That's why I'm here.

  3. #3
    Kyn
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    Oh, and he is nice when sober-Alcohol is the main issue, but he won't quit

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    Registered User rudypoo98's Avatar
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    How can you say you failed at marriage? He's the one that has failed, not you.If he cared for you and DD he would have already quit drinking.

  5. #5
    Registered User frugalfranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kyn View Post
    Oh, and he is nice when sober-Alcohol is the main issue, but he won't quit
    Quote Originally Posted by Kyn View Post

    Oh and my mom and dad are coming tomorrow-how can I tell them that I failed at marriage (considering I failed at everything else).

    FIRST-------take a deep breath, you will get through this.

    SECOND----you did not "fail".........might have made a mistake but no failure. IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE IT AND TWO TO BREAK IT!!
    And...you will have learned from this mistake. Sometimes, in life,
    lessons learned can be painful but these are the ones that we
    usually don't forget!!

    THIRD----if he won't quit get out NOW before you have invested any more of your time. Life is too short. Get on down the road!!

    Just 'level' with your parents.........they don't need tons of details, just tell them you have decided to leave and that it isn't working out.

    You will probably get custody---esp. with his record---but that is further down the road. Your first step is to get out----decide where you are going and go.

    Good luck........hang in there....you CAN get through this!!

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    Registered User fairydana's Avatar
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    If your parents are anything like mine then all they want is for you to be happy and healthy!! Maybe the marriage failed but you as a person did not. Things happen, people change. I am hoping that your parents will be a positive force in your life while you are going through all of this. Big hugs to you!! It will get better. I promise you.
    I love Lee!!

    Mommy to Crixie and Kitney

    "She feels like kicking out the windows and setting fire to this life..."

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    Registered User grneyegrl's Avatar
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    u need to make a police report..he has no right to take your dl and if hes drunk he shouldnt be driving..

    dont worry about your parents,, they most likely already know the hell u r going thru.
    car loan 12/2006 14,687.93

    student load : in forbearance

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    Moderator mauimagic's Avatar
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    Tremendous amount of wise advice and ideas here.

    Seems as if you are on overload - when that happens it's hard to even do one thing.

    If I were to help you to prioritize the first step to take could be = find where you are going to go for the immediate (not necessarily long term) future and then go - take your child and go.

    Reread KRBS message and follow ----- it's one step at a time and you need to take the first physical step now. And keep posting so we know how you are doing. Okay?
    No spend days: J 9/16
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  9. #9
    Kyn
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    I can't go anywhere tonight-and he won't go to sleep (hoping he passes out soon). It's wrong when he calls me every bad name in the book in front of DD. Tomorrow when rent's come over I hope he goes fishing. My home is close to work and DD school. Called his mom, and even she had to hang up on him. I just hope rent's and family can help me get a restraining order so he doesn't take DD to FL-which he is threatening to do. Can I prevent him from taking DD out of state?

  10. #10
    Registered User FrabjousDay's Avatar
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    Do you need to make a call to a women's shelter for a temporary place to stay?

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    Remember one thing at a time. Get in touch with a local womans shelter since they will be able to help you handle all the situations you are describing. They have experience handling these things and most likely can help you cut through any red tape by gettting you to the right people.

    What you are doing is very curagous. I am sure it is not easy but you will find there is a great deal of support here at FV. So hang in there and let us know how you are doing.

  12. #12
    Registered User RaineyDaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kyn View Post
    Can I get full custody of my DD5 esp since he is on probation for a domestic violence charge?
    I don't know what state you are in, but most states would not give custody to someone who has a domestic violence conviction. In fact, some states will take the children away from a mother who stays in a domestic violence relationship. That almost happened to my daughter. Please be careful; dealing with an abuser can lead to a very dangerous situation.

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    Registered User Daisygirl's Avatar
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    You poor thing. I've been there. I know you must just be shaking inside. You have made the right decision. Now you just have to take another step and get out.

    Women's shelters are excellent resources for helping women in your situation. They don't judge and they WILL help.

    Sometimes you have to make a plan to escape. Perhaps you could get ready for work and get DD ready for school and leave like it's a normal day. Then go right to the shelter. They will give you a sanctuary and help you get a restraining order. Please do not be confident in the fact that he will not hurt you. Many women are killed or severely injured by operating on that belief.

    My thoughts are with you.

    One more thing - please get out now. You are modeling relationships for your daughter. You are showing her that this is how men treat women and by staying, you are saying to her that you find this treatment acceptable.
    Last edited by Daisygirl; 05-14-2011 at 07:46 PM.

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    Registered User FrabjousDay's Avatar
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    Also, shelters often have on-call staff/volunteers available to pick up women and children if there are transportation concerns, or when families simply need to leave as quickly and quietly as possible. I've picked up my fair share of families from gas stations and libraries.

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    Registered User BlissMommy's Avatar
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    Hugs, Sweetie!

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