define "not serious"

**Ramona** · 06-14-2011, 03:39 PM

Originally Posted by kitkat0649

Engaging in a physical relationship without exclusivity or accountability. Having fun in the moment without thoughts toward the future.

This. And I say phooey, what a way to live.

**inneedofhope** · 06-14-2011, 04:41 PM

[QUOTE=kita;1529689]So then, "you must call me on my first coffee break and lunch break" and "call me to say good morning and good night" is a form of commitment, right?-"
That is a HUGE red flag of contolling behavior, not a good sign in any relationship- serious or not serious.
I am in my thirties, so not quite as in touch with the younger crowd, either, but my definition of "not serious" is no plans for marriage or co-habitation or mixing financial or parenting committments with the other.
Personally, most single woman in my age group that I know prefer sexual relationships to be monogamous regardless of being "serious", and of course this includes using birth control methods and safer sex practices.
I think as an older, more experienced woman, it is important to take the time to mentor the younger women in our lives about relationships and sexuality, and give them the information they might not be getting anywhere else. And listen without judgement.

**Debbie-cat** · 06-14-2011, 08:14 PM

Great discussion. I have learned alot!

**Paquita** · 06-18-2011, 01:20 PM

Um, how can there be any 'relationship' if she is still married? IMO, if the divorce is already complicated this is not going to make anything easier.

**Libby** · 06-18-2011, 02:26 PM

"Not Serious" - ability to date multiple persons at the same time, ability to have different levels of sexual relations with multiple partners at the same time both with the only form of 'exclusivity' and/or 'commitment' being the chosen person at the said time.

Just b/c one person deems the relationship as 'not serious' does not mean thats how the other person feels. Look at all those movies out there - casual flings and friends with benefits and one person falls for the other person.

Perhaps your niece is wanting to 'play the field' and 'sow some oats' to get it out of her system before she feels she can commit to someone again? Did she feel 'cooped up' or 'caged up' while she was married?

I tend to think that those that hop from 'not serious' relationship to 'not serious relationships' aren't sure of themselves and seem to be 'searching' for what they think they want and while they're trying to figure themselves out, this is a part of how they go about doing so.

**LuvMyHubby** · 06-18-2011, 06:03 PM

Not sure about the level of serious and not serious but I can well expect that unless the boy has no backbone, her demanding he do and not do and checking up on a supposed not serious relationship, will send him running very soon.

**kita** · 06-22-2011, 10:40 AM

I have had "the conversation". Some of the situation was exactly what I thought I saw. She is very demanding day to day and he is the one pushing long term.
What make me happy to hear was that she acknowledges that she is not emotionally done with the marriage. Not that she is still in love with the husband, but sad and cautious with life. I had been hearing a lot of "that is over, this is my new life, I don't think about him anymore". Marriages don't just get cut off that easily.
And I also know that the serious/not serious discussion has been brought up again between them.
I am content with that. I cannot hand her answers but can only make her think about problems and the issues inside them.

**krbshappy71** · 06-22-2011, 10:51 AM

It sounds like the conversation went well, that was nice of you to be concerned, you must have a close relationship with her to be able to discuss all that.

Someone once told me that it takes half the length of a relationship to get over the relationship. As a general guideline. So if married for 4 years, takes about 2 years to get over it enough to start something new with someone else.

Personally I think marriage with kids add a whole new level to the "getting over it" part as unlike other relationships you are forced to still be involved with that previous person. You can't just break up and move on as easily because there are child decisions to be made for years to come. That drags it out, some, emotionally.

Hugs to both of you.