Respecting Boundaries

**Libby** · 06-22-2011, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by pollypurebred39

It's probably best you ignore my advice Libby. I hope this gets worked out soon.

Don't be so hard on yourself there polly - I did say this friend was like family. What good is family if you're all fakely polite with each other? Sometimes it takes a real good friend to slap some sense into the other. I'd rather give a verbal slap then a physical one though, bigger impact.

I've been mulling it over and over and just not sure if another confrontation is worth the aggravation. I can only say eff off in so many ways ya know?

**Ceashels** · 06-22-2011, 04:39 PM

Originally Posted by Libby

I've been mulling it over and over and just not sure if another confrontation is worth the aggravation. I can only say eff off in so many ways ya know?

OOOh, we should get a list of "eff off" for all the spoken languages. That would get their attention.

I hope it gets worked out soon.

**mauimagic** · 06-22-2011, 05:10 PM

Truthfully Polly, I think that everyone's suggestions should be taken under advisement and then she can choose as appropriate. Wish I had you guys around when I was going through my turmoil.

**craftypam** · 06-22-2011, 05:54 PM

Relationships work because both parties are getting out of the relationship what they want. And IMHO respect is at the top of the list as to how you should be treated. Seems your "friend" is not doing that and since you have made it clear you don't like it maybe she really isn't your "friend" after all. If this is bothering you this bad I would distance myself from her and if she asks why "TELL HER!!!!!"

**MaryCarney** · 06-22-2011, 08:22 PM

Originally Posted by Ceashels

OOOh, we should get a list of "eff off" for all the spoken languages. That would get their attention.

I hope it gets worked out soon.

Oooh-oooh!!! I know how to say it in Sign Language!!!!!!

**Libby** · 06-22-2011, 08:50 PM

MC - thank you for the huge laugh. Made me spit my iced coffee!

**dolfinonmi** · 06-22-2011, 09:06 PM

I recently went thru the same thing with a friend of over 20 yrs. I had a health issue that could have turned into life or death if left untreated, but all she could think about were morals and how this issue was affecting "her". I went as far as to say "I am not discussing my health with you anymore. I"m fine." Nothing made a difference so I distanced myself. I hope it does not come to that for you, but sometimes it may be best for your own sanity.

**craftypam** · 06-22-2011, 10:19 PM

When it comes to health issues you Really find out who your true friends are!!

**Spirit Deer** · 06-22-2011, 10:27 PM

Isn't that the truth?

Mary, I think we all know how to tell someone to eff off in sign language!

**mndtrp** · 06-23-2011, 12:49 AM

If it's come to the point where you don't want to be around this person, at least have the decency to tell her why you won't be talking to her any more. Playing games by giving her the silent treatment, hoping she realizes the error of her ways, is unlikely to work.

I suppose it ultimately comes down to how much you value her friendship, and how much you despise the boundary breach. If you value the friendship, continue various methods of getting the point across. If the breach is more important, cancel the friendship.

**thefrug** · 06-23-2011, 07:58 AM

ugh. all this "huggy" "feely" stuff. SO politically correct *vomit*
Look. You've done said that what they're doing is a no-no. Apparently they feel like they don't have to listen to your "rules", so tell them again...one more time.. in plain english, with no big fancy college $5 words.
If they still do it...hunny, walk away. They've done lowered you in thier opinion and thats not what a friend.... a good friend does.
Move on to someone who does respect your "boundries".

**CrazyCat** · 06-23-2011, 10:14 AM

One of the best things about this message board is how we all have different points of view..and ways of handling things. Sometimes listening to..(or reading) different ways to handle things give you a different prespective.

thefrug~I love your post. And the comment about the 'lowering of you' was spot on.

i have a friend much like that~but we have so much history its hard to just 'cut her off'.~so...i deal with her in my own way.

**Russ** · 06-23-2011, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by CrazyCat

One of the best things about this message board is how we all have different points of view..and ways of handling things. Sometimes listening to..(or reading) different ways to handle things give you a different prespective.

.

Well said CC!

**Spirit Deer** · 06-23-2011, 01:35 PM

I would try one last time to lay down the rules. If your wishes are still ignored, then I would just tell the 'friend' you don't feel comfortable being around someone who continues to do whatever after being repeatedly asked not to.

If you have asked clearly that the person not do something and she continues to, then the friendship has already ended. Now it's just a matter of deciding if you're going to cut it off quickly and save your sanity and self-esteem, or if you're going to let it drag on and suffer through the entire time while they walk all over you.

Good luck. It's not a fun situation either way.