Marriage without money issues???

**rachelMcK** · 07-15-2011, 04:10 PM

Does that even exist? DH and I are having these horrible fights about money. A while back I went out and spent about $3000 on a spree on my cc. I was then diagnosed and even hospitalized. I was sick...mentally. Now we have my student loans and a credit card debt. I just got my bonus and put $2000 on the cc, there's $800 left on it. We don't have too much debt but DH lost it today when I didn't get paid enough to knock the whole thing out. He said some really mean things, threw his wedding ring at me, said he was leaving...he always shoves it in my face about the spree and my time on disability. It hurts that he thinks I did all that on purpose. He initially was very understanding about my condition but lately he keeps attacking me about it. I dont know what to do anymore. Maybe we should split our money up. Right now everything is joint. Does anyone have any advise? It would be very appreciated. Thanks.

**Contrary Housewife** · 07-15-2011, 04:33 PM

Get counseling. It sounds like DH has some things he needs to work out.

**mauimagic** · 07-15-2011, 04:57 PM

No one should ever be punished for their disabilities. Yup - you both deserve to go to counseling and you deserve to be treated better. Keep us in the loop - great support here.

**mndtrp** · 07-15-2011, 05:09 PM

Counseling. For the both of you, together.

I'm sure there are marriages out there that don't argue about money issues. Calm conversations are key. Getting to that point is what the counseling is for.

**craftypam** · 07-15-2011, 05:52 PM

You both need to sit down and get on the same page financially. Compromise on issues that you disagree on. One thing for sure if you are going to spend alot of money it needs to be discussed with the other person BEFORE you spend it and agreed upon.

**Debbie-cat** · 07-15-2011, 07:13 PM

So sorry this happened. I agree with counselling. I hope it all works out.

**shoiji** · 07-15-2011, 07:17 PM

Definately get some counseling. Your husband has no right to throw you disability in your face any time something does not go his way. It is cruel and hurtful.

**Nishu** · 07-15-2011, 07:30 PM

You've been getting treatment, right? Following doctor's orders, keeping appointments, takings meds as prescribed?

I agree with the other folks, counseling would benefit you both for sure. Good luck.

**annymoll** · 07-17-2011, 10:33 PM

I think your husband needs counseling. It must be very frightening to have a spouse with a disability that involves impulse control.I am sure that he must worry that it may happen again. (If he had a mental illness that involved impulsive actions like sleeping with other women- as much as you know he is mentally ill it would still affect the relationship.Shopping sprees that cause financial strain do affect relationships, even though it may be a disability.)If he had some counseling he could learn coping skills.

**krbshappy71** · 07-17-2011, 11:07 PM

CUT UP/GET RID OF ALL CREDIT CARDS. Show him that you are willing to prevent it from happening again as well as continuing treatment. You have GOT to get rid of the devices that you are using. Cut up, close accounts, don't request more, don't set yourself up to fail like that.

Hugs to you, you didn't do this on purpose to hurt him, do everything you can to prevent it from happening again. He might still be afraid it will happen again, especially if you still have access to credit. You can't fix him, but you can help yourself to stop some of the behaviors that are causing problems for yourself.

**mh3rdwheel** · 07-18-2011, 10:10 AM

I also suggest counseling for both of you. You cannot help if you are disabled. My husband is disabled and it is very hard to understand sometimes I am resentful when he wants to buy something and we don't have the money, and he did he would use it for something that we don't need.

I do without so that food is on the table, bills are paid, etc.

I hope that things work out for you and your DH.

**frugalfoster** · 07-18-2011, 12:22 PM

Counseling for sure, by using the credit card to that extreme, it comes back to a trust issue. He thought he knew you, and then this happened. Basically, you have almost fixed the money issue (by nearly paying off the card), but the mental issue and the hard feelings he has, still live on. The only way to work through this is to prove to him it won't happen again. That will take time. Counseling will give you both the tools to make it through in the interim. He has anger stemming from the situation and until he gets control of it...it's a rough road!