Dealing with DH negativity regarding faith/religion

[bumplett]

It doesn't sound to me as though the comments your husband makes are about "your" religious choices at all, but simply about religion as a whole. That's not a personal attack, it's just his opinion.

Just do your own thing - if he's interested, he'll participate.

Keep in mind though that just because you may disagree at times, neither one of you is right or wrong ~



JMHO.

[arnie]

My DH expresses no interest in going to church either. He says that it was forced on him his entire childhood. When our kids were young, I did take them. Once they were teenagers, I allowed them to choose whether they wanted to go or not. My DD and I did continue to go. DH never tried to stop me. He knew how important it was to me, so he did not force his opinion on me. I think you may just need to let him know how hurtful his negativity is to you. If you are truly bothered by his actions, out of respect for you, he should stop. Good luck.

[Judi Dial]

I am not religious, nor is my DH. However, if I became more religious (not spiritual, as an earlier poster pointed out) my DH would be supportive, as long as 1)I didn't insist that he also participate and 2)It was really good for me.

My past makes me susceptible to "I'm better than you" attitudes. I can and have gotten into trying to "better" myself acc. to someone else's standards because of that. If that was why I was there, DH would call me on it.

As another poster said, it's about respect. He respects me; I respect him. If you tell your DH you wish he'd tone it down please, would he? Because if he's insisting that whatever HE does is okay, but not what YOU do is, Greebo's right, you have a problem.

My

Judi

[Telephus44]

My DH and I are on different pages in regards to religion, and honestly, it's something we talk A LOT about.

I would just ask your husband to tone down the comments, but I wouldn't try and get him to come to church with you. It's your path to choose.

As far as your daughter, well, she's really too little at this point to understand, but I would just have an honest conversation with your husband about it. Ask him if he's ok with you bringing her to church with you.

This is actually something we've been discussing in our house, since DS is 5 and God seems to be popping up in his discussions a lot lately (from my MIL). We want to give him a solid foundation, but we don't want him to just blindly follow. We've been discussing maybe a UU church in the area, but haven't gotten around to it yet.

[tracergal007]

I don't know if this will help but I went through this with my dh a few years back. He was raised devoute Southern Baptist and the only time I saw a church as a child was when my parents wanted some free time on Sundays.

I wanted to start going to a few churches to try them out (along wth our daughter), but his constant response was, "I know what I believe and I don't need someone to tell me what to think.". I chose one specific church and told him my reasons for desiring to go, and that I wished to share this with him. I let him know I did respect his view point, and that I did not expect him to attend with me on a regular basis, but that I only ask him to go with us this one time. If he did not feel comfortable, then I would not ask again.

We went, and he actually enjoyed it so much he went regularly with me after that.

[ml2620]

Thanks very much for all the comments, it has really helped me clarify my thoughts.

I do want to say that in no way was my husband speaking badly to me about MY FAITH or condescending in any way - it's more along the lines of all priests being pedofiles and all ministers being secret sex and pill addicts. We had a good talk and I asked him to tone it down, and he agreed it was not helpful to my daughter, or to our relationship.

I told him I was changing spiritually, and to be honest, I wasn't exactly sure I wanted to go to church, I just wanted (as someone said) to explore my spirituality a bit more. So, for now I am doing that and at least this week it didn't lead to church.

Until I find a church I really love, I'll go alone. If I find a place I want to stay, we will revisit it as a family, and that works for me.

[bent]

good for you for communicating your needs to your dh.

[Trishagirl]

I'm a Christian & so is dh we have always gone to church together. I don't understand when a married couple don't go to church together & it doesn't affect their marriage. I think that it would,it creates a separation in their union and so a rift between them. The husband is supposed to be the leader of the home & when he doesn't go to church he isn't being a good example of the leader of the home. Imho. Therefore it would be very difficult for the wife to respect her husband & to give him the leadership he deserves from her. If they have children also. I would say that they should seek counseling so she can voice her concerns on how it affects their marriage.

[nvmommyx6]

We are Christians, I go to church most sunday's (I'm the head chef at our church) my husband rarely goes to church. We do not have a problem discussing our "relationship" with Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior!
One of the issues I see/read is too many people think, "I'm religious"...When in reality, "I'm in a relationship with my savior" is a better way to describe it!
My husband has a wonderful "relationship" with His Savior, yes, even without going to church!
I do as well.
When things were different (and they were trust me!) I did not bug Him to go to church with me, but we did talk about Him respecting my "relationship" with my Savior!
My leaving my Husband alone about the "religion" thing and doing my own thing, it only took him watching me bloom in the Lord and he came around!
God doesn't ask you to have a "religion", He asks that you have a "relationship" with Him!
Leave it at that, don't make it any more difficult, let go and Let God. Do your own thing without worry and follow Jesus, he's much better at directions than we are after all!
God Bless
Candy

[Missourimom]

I have a strong faith, but I keep silent about it around my husband for the most part. I do share my beliefs with our children, but I don't preach to them. My husband doesn't make snide remarks and he's always fine with me going to church, but I never press him to go. He knows he's welcome to go along if he wants and so far, he has not. That's ok because that's his right and he's allowed to make his own decisions just as I am.

[cwaltz]

My spouse is agnostic and I am Christian. Alot of how things work really boils down to respecting a viewpoint even if you may not agree with or understand it. If you both are willing to accept that a relationship with God is a choice and that not everyone is going to have the same relationship or even the same timeline for that relationship it makes things easier. I tease my husband a bit sometimes. Even if he may find it hard to believe in God, I am certain God believes in him. He has a kind heart and is a good man, God doesn't need him to go to church every Sunday to use him as an instrument of His will. It is my experience that the worst thing in the world you can do is attempt to force a belief system on someone though. They have to be open. I do wish you luck in exploring your own spirituality. Try not to let it bother you when and if others say things about your decision to explore things(and trust me you will get opinions on whether he exists or on what He expects) Concentrate on yourself and what feels right to you. Ultimately, this is your relationship(with God). Don't let others dictate the rules for it or determine the necessity of it.