Family that always wants to borrow money - Page 2
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  1. #16
    Registered User Mr Fixit's Avatar
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    Well he and his mother have always been manipulators. He was a manipulator at an early age, and got worse as he got older. Before he got on drugs, it was apparent to me that he thought he could manipulate all of the people in his life so he didn't have to work, and that always infuriated me because I have worked my rear off all of my life and do not understand people like that.
    Before he got in trouble and went to prison, he lived with his grandmother for a year, and he manipulated her out of money until we made him move out. So in my humble opinion, he is not a very good person because of that. I mean when you manipulate an 85 year old women that doesn't have much money herself, you are just a sorry person!
    I do just need to quit answering the phone, because if I do not talk to him, maybe I wont feel so guilty. I really do feel sorry for him, but he has used me up like a jar of cheap mustard! I am tired of him always wanting money, but then theres the guilt~

  2. #17
    Registered User Mr Fixit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greebo View Post
    Sounds to me like so far your son has never had any real problems.

    Because you keep taking them away from him by giving him money, making them YOUR problems.

    You need to establish boundaries and let him become his own problem. That includes letting him suffer from having fried his own brain, I'm afraid.
    Oh he has had a lot of problems, because there has been many times he didn't even have a phone to call me on. He has lead a terrible life, but it's all his own doing. He is living the life he chose!
    He calls me about every 3 to 6 months wanting money, usually around 2 or 3 hundered dollars, but like i said before, to hear his mother in tha background reminding him that they need cigarette and booze money just peee'd me off big time!
    How can you be pee'd off and guilty at the same time, be a parent!

  3. #18
    Registered User archer658's Avatar
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    It's one thing to struggle and need money to eat, but QUITE another to need it for cigarettes and bail money. I mean the least a person can do in life is follow the flippin' law!

    I leave money out of my personal relationships. To me, money is nothing more than a means of survival, and is nothing compared to the love of family and friends. When someone wants to give me money its usually out of guilt, but that's their problem, not mine. I don't ask for it, I don't expect it, and am perfectly happy being poor so nobody expects it from me. This is why I never play the lottery- its not worth it.

    It sounds like your DS needs some tough love... time for him to grow up. But if he gets a job, stays out of jail, quits drugs, something tells me things will work out. But nobody can do those things for him other than himself.

  4. #19
    Registered User kcsmom76's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Fixit View Post
    How can you be pee'd off and guilty at the same time, be a parent!
    You summed it up pretty good up above. It is so hard to watch them fall and have to live with their mistakes, but you have to do what you have to do. :hugs: BTW, it would have pee'd me off to hear that too. It makes you realize she is using her own son to use you to get money for HER!!

  5. #20
    Registered User Libby's Avatar
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    Have you flat out told your son that you will not be giving him any more money regardless of what he says/does/have happen?

  6. #21
    Registered User ravenmaniac's Avatar
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    I am so sorry you are going through this. You must love your children very much. Seeing your oldest son go through terrible times is very painful. (I have a son who has/had addiction issues.)

    I felt guilty because I could not "fix" my son. As a parent I wanted to so badly. I wanted everything to be better and for him to okay. It was the most hopeless, helpless, empty, painful feelings I had ever felt.

    I am not sure if this is what you feel. I only know this is what I felt. I wish I had words of wisdom for you. You need to do what you feel is right in your heart. I wish you the best.

  7. #22
    Registered User Mr Fixit's Avatar
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    I really appreciate everybody's comments and suggestions. It is great to have friends that understand! You guys are great!

  8. #23
    Registered User CrazyCat's Avatar
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    Mr. Fixit~no Guilt~remember that you did your best when you could~at some point he took a path to the left when he should have went to the right~!

  9. #24
    Registered User Mr Fixit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CrazyCat View Post
    Mr. Fixit~no Guilt~remember that you did your best when you could~at some point he took a path to the left when he should have went to the right~!
    Thank you Crazy Cat!

  10. #25
    Registered User ShadowMom's Avatar
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    My husbands brother while not asking directly for money has asked my husband to buy him things. One time he asked us to buy a belly boat for his son, another time waders, etc. He will also call and ask if my DH wants to go fishing, and then wants to take our vehicle.
    Every time he has been told "no".

  11. #26
    Registered User PlainCash4's Avatar
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    Feeling guilty is natural since he is your son. It looks like you have done more than enough for him.

  12. #27
    Registered User fernykins's Avatar
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    I have helped my children. I brought my oldest son a car. Their was totaled by a drunk. My son is not working. He was hurt in Iraq.
    I paided off son #2 car. He's been working since he was 17 and had his first kid. Because he had taken care of his stuff he has just brought a house. Son #3 I paid of both their cars, but they are paying me back for 1 of their cars. I have also helped my girls with other things. I would not help them if they were drinking or doing drugs. They are hard working young men and women. I understand what you are going thru. He's one of your babies. I would stand my ground and tell him the money train went the other way.
    Fern

  13. #28
    Registered User Brat's Avatar
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    The key word for this is borrow but there never seems to be a payback comming my way...

  14. #29
    Registered User RaineyDaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Fixit View Post
    I really appreciate everybody's comments and suggestions. It is great to have friends that understand! You guys are great!
    Have you tried Alanon? There are many parents there who are in similar situations and struggle with the same feelings.

  15. #30
    Registered User annymoll's Avatar
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    One thing about parenthood- no one tells you before you join on that it never stops- the concern and worry is always there.In my own life I only feel guilty when I have done something wrong. You have done nothing wrong so you should not feel guilty. It is easier said than done, I know. Hugs friend.

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