men and attitude- vent

**miss_thrifty** · 02-06-2007, 09:47 PM

Does all men have to have this attitude like doctor Phil says. Cant understand it. If they talk about things, they take it out on us or mine gets hateful or ignored. Mood swings (menopause) aint helping me out right now lol i could cry at the drop of a pin .
Why cant men mean what they say. And just tell it like it was suppose to be, I can handle the problems not the attitude lol

**Marie78** · 02-06-2007, 11:06 PM

I am sorry miss thrifty. I have been watching Dr. Phil the last couple of days with those "mean" husbands on. My relationship isn't as bad as those seem, but we get into fights over the stupidest things and mine resorts to name calling and yelling sometimes. He knows how it makes me feel, but he still does it! I have been trying to ignore my fiance's "bad" moods and I won't play into his arguing, that way it doesn't escalate into a fight. I realize that I can only control my own actions, but it's hard when the other person trys to make their problem yours.

**miss_thrifty** · 02-07-2007, 09:46 AM

I know my husbnad bottles alot inside. But most do i guess. Just that I wish hed stop being so hateful at times. He's not a control freak or tries to tell me what i can do or not do. Hes not one of those men on tv. God no!!
Just venting because I wish we were more like friends lately and let me in. u know what I mean ?

**Edna_E** · 02-08-2007, 09:05 PM

I do! I have that problem with my grown son. He evn told me once that he "has to" yell at me because I'm the only one he "can" yell at. I told him that trusting someone not to bail on him if he yells doesn't make it fair to that person, and that it is very harmful to someone you care for to yell at them when they aren't really the problem. He's gotten a little better.

**nwmissourigal** · 02-08-2007, 11:39 PM

I don't believe that all men are like that. My dh and I have our hard times, but nothing that we can't work out. I can tell you and if my dh yelled at me or called me names, that would be a hugh issuse with me. I know that alot of men keep things bottles up, but relationships take alot of work..and it's hard work. My dh isn't perfect by any means and I am sure that I am not a peach to live with at times, but if you are committed to your relationship communication is the key to a good healthy relationship. Sometimes it just takes a while to learn your partners moods. I know when to approach my dh and when not to. It is all just a learning process about each other. We have been together for 18 years and sometimes I feel like I know this man like the back of my hand and other times I feel like he is a stranger to me. But finding out about each other is just part of the journey. But please do not tolerate someone yelling at you or calling you names. Be sure to stand up for yourself and tell your partner that you are not willing to put up with that kind of behavior...JMO....Blessings..kathy

**FarmerSue** · 02-12-2007, 10:06 PM

Hmmmmmm.....my huband came home from a hockey game last night and bitched about the house being a mess and supper not being good enough. I'm never home and it shows. I don't take to that kind of critisism very kindly to say the least. I slept on the couch while he sprawled out on the nice comfy bed. We're still not speaking to eachother. Although he definitely got what he wanted......the house it clean and supper was fantastic! What a jerk. Sorry I can't give you any good advice........

**miss_thrifty** · 02-12-2007, 10:53 PM

Today was better. We chatted and I walked away out the door. He knew I was mad. He appologized when I came back. he knows better just thinks he can get away being crappy on me. If all the women was all pms at the same time, what would all the men do in the world? poor things. lol lol

**Buckeye5** · 02-13-2007, 12:33 PM

My Dh makes so..mad sometimes. This is one of those sometimes. He is terrible at productive communicating. He will do what I call "hit and run." He can say nasty things, then shuts down. Then he will act like nothing ever happened, while I am still thinking about his words. Dr. Phil says, it takes something like 20 nice things said to make up for the one mean thing said. I believe that.

**Persimmon Lace** · 02-13-2007, 07:54 PM

Being criticised in this house would result in no acknowlegment at all of his bad mood, nothing would be done to change said mood, ie, nothing special done in the housekeeping arena and I would not be sleeping on the couch. Dinner would be whatever I had planned on cooking. My evening would go on as if he were in a good mood.

I no longer participate in dh's bad moods and it has changed our relationship alot. My well being and my self esteem are not tied to his decision to be moody. I'm to old for it!

**Edna_E** · 02-14-2007, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by Persimmon Lace

Being criticised in this house would result in no acknowlegment at all of his bad mood, nothing would be done to change said mood, ie, nothing special done in the housekeeping arena and I would not be sleeping on the couch. Dinner would be whatever I had planned on cooking. My evening would go on as if he were in a good mood.

I no longer participate in dh's bad moods and it has changed our relationship alot. My well being and my self esteem are not tied to his decision to be moody. I'm to old for it!

I applaud your self control. I strive for that, and succeed much of the time, but it feels kind of like the saying about alcoholics - there is no cure, you will always be working on it!

**Persimmon Lace** · 02-15-2007, 10:52 AM

Edna, it is hard but we've been through couple's counseling and I went by myself, in fact I'm doing a "checkup" over the next couple of weeks. I learned 15 years ago what I needed to do to keep from hurting him

Dh goes to Celebrate Recovery and actually runs the program now and is doing so good. I figure with marriage you're always going to be workin' on somthing. I found out the only person I could change was me and that's what I've been doing!

I will be married 35 years this year, so it took awhile!