DD and BF on the outs ! STRESS!!
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  1. #1
    Registered User Mamaw's Avatar
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    Default DD and BF on the outs ! STRESS!!

    Sorry if this is a rambling post. DD and her fiance are living with us currently. DD is seeking treatment for some mental health issues and is not doing very well. She is not working, depressed, cries all the time, etc. Her fiance is working as a clerk at Walmart and not making enough to support them both. Anyway, now they are having relationship issues and I think the relationship is just about over. I cant say this is a bad thing since I honestly think neither of them is healthy enough to commit to a relationship. I think they both need some professional help to address their issues. I do not know what is really happening but I think he may want to move out. But I dont think he has the $$ to do so at this minute. I also believe he is interested or has another girl friend. DD is doing nothing but crying or sleeping. I am feeling the stress of living in the house with this going on right now. What I really want to do is to tell him to move on out since I hate the idea of him living off me while he is cheating on her. And I want to tell DD to get off her butt and get a job or get out in the world a bit more. Unfortunately, I feel as if I cant do either at the moment. Someone tell me that this too shall pass!
    Thanks for just lettting me vent......
    Barb
    July 2014 Goals
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    Success is not determined by how smart we are, It is determined by the decisions we make

  2. #2
    Registered User FrugalMomof3's Avatar
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    WOW Sorry to hear there are troubles at home, but for me personally I would have never let the DD's BF come live with us in the first place, that's a no-no from the start but I am not you so that's JMHO. I think you should be brave and tell him to move out, he legally is not your responsibility and it's causing termoil in YOUR home. The operative word is YOUR. It's your house and you need peace and so does your DD.

  3. #3
    Registered User claimsgirl66's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about the stress. You said DD is getting treatment? Perhaps her counselor needs to know that DD is crying etc...and tweak the method of treatment? While you tried to help them out by letting them ( and him) move in, I would tell him that clearly things are not healthy and he needs to move out...or perhaps they should "take a break" to each focus on their own health needs. That may be a softer approach to have him move out. While his lack of $$ is sad, it is not your problem. Give him a deadline and then the ball is in his court. She may resent you for asking him, but clearly she is not getting better with him there. Sounds like you need to help your daughter heal, and not support her boyfriend. Best wishes.

  4. #4
    Registered User guest56464's Avatar
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    As someone who is living with in-laws... you're a saint for taking them in. Being here has helped us out tremendously-- especially with the kids. And I've become very close with my mother-in-law. Whereas I probably wouldn't have if I didn't see her on a daily basis.
    But, I am married to her son, we do have children together. There's obviously a level of commitment there that your DD and her BF don't have. But there was the potential-- which is why, I'm guessing, that you took them both in in the first place.
    When they do break up then he has no reason to be there. He might not have money to move out but there are places to go. When my ex divorced his wife (a few years before I knew him) he removed himself from their home and lived in a homeless shelter for 8 months. He worked the whole time and deposited all of his money. Not just that... but there's the YMCA (I don't know if they still house people) which could also be an option for him. I'm assuming that he doesn't have a terribly wonderful relationship with his family otherwise he wouldn't have "nowhere to go."

    You are a saint for doing what you did-- but once they're done the burdon is no longer yours... except your daughter, of course. You're not there for HIS mental well being and he's not your child. If she says that's unfair then remind her that they were in your house. How fair is it for you to be uncomfortable in your own home?

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    Registered User jade73's Avatar
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    Something like this happeded to me and my family Christmas last year.No my DD BF was not moved in to our house but for no reason after 2 years being with my DD he broke up with her( for 4 months) .She was a mess she cried lost weight and made alot of bad choices.I stood by my DD and it did get better.They did get back together and I would say happy and really enjoy each other now.I know you are going through something more.Like the other ladies have stated he is not your trouble.Does he have family he could move in with or friends.If it was me I would take my engry and put it on my DD.I hope it gets better for you and your loved ones

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    Registered User annymoll's Avatar
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    I would never allow live- ins at my home. I would oust him . My kindness would extend to dropping him off at a mission. If your daughter is getting help, it may take awhile for her meds to begin working. Or it may be that she will require more intense treatment. I think your daughter should be your foremost concern.

  7. #7
    Registered User Mamaw's Avatar
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    Thanks ladies. You all are telling me what my head already knows. Its just that my heart is not quite there yet. I am too soft hearted for my own good. And it is sure time for tough love to start kicking in around here. Thanks for listening
    Barb
    July 2014 Goals
    Grocery challenge 500.00/0
    Menu planning - 5/1
    Christmas 2014 50/0
    Swim with Dolphin Fund 100/00
    Bedroom carpet and redecorate fund 100/00

    Time Goals
    Exercise 3x per week - walk/bike/boflex/dvd/yoga class 15/1


    Health Goals
    Drink 32 ounce water or herbal tea daily 31 days/3
    Sleep - retire no later than 11 in bed as opposed to on chair

    UFO July - Hem Maddies dress/weed flower beds again

    Every little tiny bit helps to get rid of that debt

    Success is not determined by how smart we are, It is determined by the decisions we make

  8. #8
    Registered User Mamaw's Avatar
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    UPDATE:
    Well, BF has moved out as of Sunday. I came home from visiting DGD and found he was with a female "friend" After some words with my dd, BF was asked to come on home to have a talk. Needless to say, he is now out of my house. Still alot of heartache and tears, but I have to admit, I already feel much better
    Barb
    July 2014 Goals
    Grocery challenge 500.00/0
    Menu planning - 5/1
    Christmas 2014 50/0
    Swim with Dolphin Fund 100/00
    Bedroom carpet and redecorate fund 100/00

    Time Goals
    Exercise 3x per week - walk/bike/boflex/dvd/yoga class 15/1


    Health Goals
    Drink 32 ounce water or herbal tea daily 31 days/3
    Sleep - retire no later than 11 in bed as opposed to on chair

    UFO July - Hem Maddies dress/weed flower beds again

    Every little tiny bit helps to get rid of that debt

    Success is not determined by how smart we are, It is determined by the decisions we make

  9. #9
    Registered User Mom23boys's Avatar
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    I am sorry you had to live with all this emotional turmoil, but hopefullly things will get better now that the BF has moved out. I hope your daughter continues with her therapy and begins to improve her self-esteem. I will keep her and your family in my thoughts.

  10. #10
    Registered User Radish4ever's Avatar
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    Whew!! Yeah, it's hard now but will be SO much better in the longrun!! I'm glad it's working out!!

  11. #11
    Registered User GMA21's Avatar
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    Hope things work out now that the BF is gone. My DD is going through a difficult time as well with her "fiance" and she is so depressed which is not good for the baby.

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