Long Distance relationships
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  1. #1
    Registered User CraftMomm's Avatar
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    Default Long Distance relationships

    What are you thoughts on this?

    I met someone about five years ago, as friends only, and now since my divorce he has told me how many feelings he has had for me since we met face to face.

    I really love this guy a lot and would love to spend the rest of my life with him. We are planning on him moving here in January and being together.

    Advice? warnings? disagreements? I invite them all.

  2. #2
    Registered User Mom23boys's Avatar
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    How did you meet him? Have you ever meet his family? The reason I ask is if he hasn't let you meet his family, is he hiding something? If he has let you meet them, then he may be sincere.

    I don't know how well a long distance relationship would work because I have never had one. Hopefully someone else will be able to help you.

    Good luck!

  3. #3
    Master Dollar Stretcher Jaded's Avatar
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    I think you should get to meet his family and him yours before you move him in with you. I have pretty much the same situation. I'm talking to a man from up north, who just happens to be from my home state. We've been talking a couple of months, and I really do like him, but all I have to go on is pictures and what he's told me. I've researched him as much as I can online, but I won't really know much until we meet face to face. He's planning on a trip here this winter. It's sort of frightening, but I'm going to make myself as safe as possible, then go for it. He will be staying here, but I'm also having another male friend stay here too. We're planning on saying that his house is being tented, so he has to stay here.

    Just be safe, and do what your head tells you, not your heart.

  4. #4
    Registered User Michelle68's Avatar
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    Hmmm...that's a tough one and I've hesitated posting until now. Personally, I would be very cautious. You have known him on a long-distance basis for the better part of your relationship. Because of that you have not really gotten to know him, warts and all. Being far apart makes it easy for someone to only put forth the features that they most want the other person to see. It is natural to want the other person to get to know the very best side of you and keep the day-to-day, sometimes cranky, naggy, with various bad habits person at bay. (And that blanket description is meant to cover both parties involved. )

    I think that, if everything goes as planned, and he does move there in January, you should proceed slowly and allow yourselves to get "reacquainted". Who knows, you might find out that you can't really live with his totally annoying habit of singing made up lyrics loudly off-key to songs on the radio, or you might find it endearingly cute. He might hate the fact that you read aloud to him all the new postings on Frugal Village, or he might (if he's smart ) absolutely love it.

    Besides the little things, there are definitely a host of much more important things that you'll only find out about each other by getting to know each other while he's there (such as how he handles money, what kind of step-parent he would be to your child, etc.) These are things that you'll only be able to find out by proceeding slowly with the relationship and allowing yourselves time to REALLY get to know each other. (Especially since there is a child involved.)

    My advice would be to not rush things. Let him find his own place to live when he moves there and give both of yourselves time to find out if you can work out all the various intricacies of blending your lives. Good luck and I hope this helped.


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    Registered User Nada.Leona's Avatar
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    My ex-SIL met her husband (as far as I know, still current, but haven't spoken to them in over two years) online. She was in Canada, he was from New Zealand. He came here and they were completely in love for a long time. She had a brief period of craziness in which she made him sell everything off and move back to NZ, but then he had a brief period of craziness where he not only did what she wanted, but then came BACK, after selling off everything he had in NZ and then coming back to Canada to be with her again. *shakes head* They were meant for each other, I guess!!!

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    Registered User Droppedonmyhead's Avatar
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    I agree totally with Michelle68. In addition, I wouldn't be so quick to move him into your home. PARTICULARLY IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN IN THE HOME!!!! Once you do, it's hard to get them out if you decide to dissolve the relationship. (Don't know the law where you are, but in Florida if the person lives at an address for 2 weeks, the law recognizes it as his/her domicile and you have to start an eviction process). Nice, huh?

    I don't want or mean to be a killjoy, but I've been single almost my entire life and have been burned more times than I would ever admit. Lots of guys will say or do anything to get what they want. I've seen and been victim to my share of "nice" guys who I thought really cared about me and in the end, I found out that they wanted to ride a gravy train and when I stopped it, they were gone.

    My advice is to think more with your head and not so much with your heart until he's proven to be the person you think he is. If he truly is meant for you, he will honor and respect your decisions so don't feel rushed to make any decisions where he is concerned.

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    Registered User ravenmaniac's Avatar
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    Take the advice from the previous posts. Proceed with caution. I wish you the best.

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    Moderator baxjul's Avatar
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    I agree with Michelle, be careful.


    June grocery challenge $114.99/$400

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    Registered User CraftMomm's Avatar
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    Lemme explain a little more here. I've liked the advice so far so please keep it coming.

    Dave and I met about five years ago face to face at a gathering for a lot of folks who used to play on MSN Gaming Zone, then a few times after that he came to my house. Everything was always strictly friendship, since I was with someone else at the time. We've talked on the phone and on line and in person all these years, so I know him quite well.

    I Love him so very much. And yes I do have a 13 year old daughter and she Loves him a lot too and is excited about him moving here. He will be retiring at the end of December and by the middle of January I'll travel there and spend a few weeks and we'll get him packed up and we'll drive back out here. He doesn't want to just pack everything and move it he wants me to pick out what I want lol not gonna happen. But I'll be flying there and I hate flying it petrifies me but I will do it for him.

    So the thoughts of just blindly meeting someone on the net and having them move in would not happen, seen too many horror stories, but since I've known him for so long I have no reservations at all about this relationship.

  10. #10
    Registered User sunshine's Avatar
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    My oldest son met his love online too -- they talked online for several years . . he went to WI to meet her face to face (met her family too), then the next year she came here to meet all of us, and see where he lived, etc. 2 weeks later she moved here

    Just proceed with caution, be smart -- and loads of congrats on your new venture.

  11. #11
    Master Dollar Stretcher aka AmyBob AmyMCGS's Avatar
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    My DH worked out of state for about two years before we got married... we'd been dating for a couple of years by then and planned to get married later when he returned home. (And I'd known him six years before we even started dating- we knew each other well!) The long-distance stuff was stressful, and expensive... we've often joked how nice it would have been to have cell phones back then instead of paying huge long-distance bills.

    I can tell you from experience, the transition from phone calls to day-to-day life is rough, no matter how well you know the person. On the phone or in letters you tend to put on a happy face, because you don't want to waste those precious moments complaining about your boss or your sore foot or whatever else seems minor when you're just happy to be talking to your beloved. In person, though, you get to know a lot about a person based on how they deal with those sorts of things.

    As long as you are safe and cautious and prepared for those inevitible (sp?) adjustments.... best wishes!

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    Registered User CraftMomm's Avatar
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    Right now he's having a slight panic attack. Yesterday he didn't renew his lease on his apartment, so it's sinking in he's moving!!! He is retiring from working for the phone company and will be drawing a $2,200 pension. He wants to get a job as soon as he gets here, and I keep telling him I want him to take a month off so we can just enjoy each other at first and i can show him around and get to know some people here. It's a very small town and he's moving from the Detroit area. He doesn't understand that his pension is more then enough to live on here, and I make a little more then 1/2 of what his pension will be. So he's kind of worried we won't have enough money. It's a lot of life changing stuff for him, he's retiring, wanting a job here, worrying about money, realizing that he's changing his life. All he can keep saying is "I Love You" and I just say it right back and tell him it's all going to be ok!!!

    Hopefully he can come visit over Thanksgiving, he has to rearrange his schedule at work and hopefully his bosses will allow it since he doesn't have any vacation time left this year. But man it will be hard to let him go back if he can. January seems like a lifetime away sometimes, especially when we're missing each other or having a bad day at work.

    And we do talk about everything on the phone, the good the bad the evil everything, no secrets, no lies, no just mushy stuff on the phone, we talk about life and we do this thing we call "Make or break" some are serious, some are silly like, "Miracle Whip or Mayonaisse" "left or right" (Sides of the bed) "gas or electric" (Stoves) we're learned a lot about each other. He makes me feel good and Loved and that is something Ihaven't felt in a very very long time. I'm scared, I'm happy, I'm excited, I'm everything all rolled up into one. We're just taking it one day at a time and looking forward to the rest of our lives together.

  13. #13
    Registered User sdrjeolsen's Avatar
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    I met my dh while he lived in KS and I in NE, we had a long distance relationship for 1.5 years. We wrote lots of letters and ran up the phone bills. We are still happily married after 21 years. Just make sure he's who he really leads you to believe he is. Take time to get to know him on a deep level and make sure there are no non-negotiables that will cause you trouble down the road.

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    Registered User Mamaof2rugrats's Avatar
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    Yes definitly go for it! I have been in a very long distance(Usa/Israel) relationship for quite some time. They are difficult but worth it in the end when you are finally together.
    Sounds like yall are already making plans for the move! Congrats and good luck!

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    I was involved with someone who lived in CT for three years...many moons ago. It didn't work out because he wasn't in love (I was.) In the end, it worked out because I met my husband online (we lived in the same city though) and we've been married almost 10 years now.

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