Too old and set in my ways
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  1. #1
    Master Dollar Stretcher Jaded's Avatar
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    Default Too old and set in my ways

    In case you don't know, I'm over 50, and I've been single most of my life. I've had BF's, and fiances (3 of 'em) and even live-ins (1), since my husband died 21 years ago, but most of the past 21 years, I've been alone. So I'm pretty set in my ways, and actually like being alone more than I like having a BF.

    Anyway, there's a guy I met through work who wants to be my new BF. Actually I think he just wants u-no-what, but he says no, that's not it. I just don't want it right now! Not that, a relationship. I like being able to be alone when I want to, and not have to have anyone over, or keep the house spotless, or whatever. He keeps bugging me to come over, and to be honest, I'm running out of excuses.

    I've decided just to tell him flat out that I've decided I don't want a relationship with him, other than friends. It will be hard, but I am just not physically attracted to him at all....you know....no "zing" factor!

    I'm beginning to believe that I'll spend the rest of my life alone, and that's o.k., but makes it even more imperative to get my finances under control and increase my income substantially.

  2. #2
    Registered User Dancing Lotus's Avatar
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    I think its okay to want to be alone.

  3. #3
    Registered User leezza's Avatar
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    Well you go Girl!

    Yes, wait for the WOW factor.....I think its worth it : )

    You sound like you have things figured out to me.

    leezza

  4. #4
    Registered User annymoll's Avatar
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    I will tell you my opinion Jaded. I have noticed that sometimes, when I initially meet a person(male or female) I may find that I do not see them as attractive. But a funny thing happens. The more I am around them, the more we spend time together, the more I find out about them- the prettier they become, or the more handsome. I think the light from the inside becomes more apparent, or my own eyes are opened. It doesn't happen with people I find to be rotten inside.They still look awful.No matter how attractive they were to begin with.From all your posts Jaded, I think you would like to find a nice man to spend time with. I think you should give it a shot. He may be just what you were looking for.If not, maybe just a nice friend.

  5. #5
    Registered User onencgirl's Avatar
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    I too have been single for a long time.

    If there is no 'spark' then I wouldn't encourage him. Tell him you want to be friends and if he doesn't respect your wishes and this upsets him then you have your answer.
    If You Find Yourself Dancing In The Rain
    You Have Been Blessed

  6. #6
    Master Dollar Stretcher Jaded's Avatar
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    Yes, I do like male companionship, but ONLY companionship. Just like I don't want to raise another child, I don't want to take care of another man. Besides, I'm going to have my mom here soon, and that's enough to contend with.

  7. #7
    Registered User ubumartin's Avatar
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    I think you are smart to be alone if that is what you choose. How many women do you know that just need a relationship and settle for anyone who shows interest. If someone comes along and your interested then go for it but sounds like you are smart to stay friends with this guy.

  8. #8
    Registered User Nada.Leona's Avatar
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    If that's what you want, then that's what you want. It's your life to live. Society pressures us to find "our better halves" but in all honesty if they don't come your way, then that's just the way it is. My aunt is not yet forty and has never had a significant other, and she's perfectly happy with that.

  9. #9
    Registered User amecoy75002's Avatar
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    Jaded, you have to be true to yourself and not give into society expectations. If there is no "WOW" or even "whoa" then so be it. If he does not want to be friends, then he may not be looking for a long term relationship but a short term relationship. I was friends with my DH for 3 years before we realized that we were beyond the friends only stage.

    Be true to yourself, and good luck

  10. #10
    Registered User Edna_E's Avatar
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    I'm another like you and onencgirl - loner for years and happy that way 98% of the time. Some people "get it" and some are totally dumbfounded - and some assume that I'm lesbian and just don't want to admit it. I really just don't want the added stress, and I have tended to get involved in very unhealthy romantic relationships - so I am much safer and happier doing without one. It took me many years to REALLY get comfortable with it, but I do expect to be alone the rest of my life.

  11. #11
    Master Dollar Stretcher Jaded's Avatar
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    I think if I had more money, and could do things myself, I would be better at being alone. It's frustrating not to have someone to do "guy" things around here.

  12. #12
    Registered User jamie79's Avatar
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    You can only make you happy!!!!

  13. #13
    Registered User pita1213's Avatar
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    i have an aunt that has never been married, has never had a boyfriend that i can remember, and is as happy as can be. she's in her 50's now, just can't remember exactly how old. she keeps a garden at my grandfather's house. my other aunt and uncle and 2 cousins and their families are all near by. when she wants company, she can visit family and she has some friends from work. she is content.
    if you are happier without a SO, great! keep yourself busy with what interests you and don't worry about what others might think.
    if you don't want anything from this guy other than friendship, tell him nicely but clearly.
    as far has things around the house that might need a man to do, do you have a friend or coworker with a son or nephew that could help out from time to time that you could pay a small amount of money to? or even bake them cookies or something like that.

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