DD18 having boyfriend trouble
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  1. #1
    Registered User emily_hope's Avatar
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    Default DD18 having boyfriend trouble

    Ok, the moment I have been dreading. She has been 'going with' this boy for about a year and a half. At this moment in time, they are both getting on each others nerves. She is very emotional. I don't think I am being much help. I am just listening and not giving too much advice. Anything else I could do?

  2. #2
    Registered User frugalfarmwife's Avatar
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    Aww, I wouldn't be 18 again if you PAID me! Nothing worse than that first love that goes bad, so sorry for you and her.

    I'd say just be there and listen, don't say anything about him, just listen and be patient.

    Hugs to ya,
    kj

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    Registered User leezza's Avatar
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    Be her Rock.....sounds like she knows she has a good mommy that listens to her and lets her cry on her shoulder.

    Kind Regards,
    leezza

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    Registered User lwlynch's Avatar
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    Sounds like a good couple Quarts of decadent choc icecream and a couple of spoons.. and just listen. Goodluck..
    Last edited by lwlynch; 09-09-2007 at 01:17 AM. Reason: mispelled

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    Registered User ilovechocolate's Avatar
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    Just listen. Lots of chocolate helps too.

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    Registered User 3-boys-4-me's Avatar
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    I agree with all above. Just let her know that you're there for her whenever she needs you. Listen and don't speak badly of him or even offer any advice unless she asks for it. Let her know that you know what she's going through because you've been there before and that you love her, always. Good luck to you, and her. This will pass soon.

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    Registered User crr38095's Avatar
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    Emily...
    It's at times like these when I liked being the parent of a toddler soooo much better. Back when all their hurts and booboo's could be fixed with a hug, a popsicle, and a spiderman band-aid.
    We just went thru something slightly similar with our soon to be 17 son. He was dating a girl hubb and I really really didnt care for or approve of. Fortunately we have a good, open relationship with DS so he would come talk to us about her alot. I listened and just let him know I was there for him whenever he needed me no matter what. I did alot of "playing devils advocate" too by asking him questions and letting HIM work out the issues in his head, so that eventually HE made the decision that it was not a good relationship for him, and I got rewarded for it by earning cool mom points for being there for him and not critisizing her. And best part was the tongue reattachment surgery only took about 20 mins and was mostly painless.

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    Registered User emily_hope's Avatar
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    Thanks guys. So far, all I have done is listen. I am trying NOT to offer advice. And I really couldn't talk bad about the poor guy, cuz there isn't really anything bad to say. That is what is so sad. They just seem to be going in different directions. I did tell her that all relationships have rough patches and if you truly love someone you can ride out the storm.

    Another bad thing... she doesn't even LIKE chocolate!!

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    Registered User Nada.Leona's Avatar
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    Two words: SAY NOTHING! Absolutely nothing you can say in this situation will be of any help. I know that sounds cold and hollow, but trust me, if you don't want to be the enemy, be a good listener, say lots of nice things about her to her and just plain be nice, but don't mention the boyfriend, don't give advice and just stay out. I'm sure you've got tons of advice but I went through this stuff a few years ago, and my Mom and I got into so many fights -- we pretty much stopped talking for over a year. It was my fault, because she "didn't know anything" and was "trying to rule my life" and I shut her out. Looking back, I wish I'd taken her advice. But I wasn't ready to hear it. So I think that unless you get asked directly for some advice, just being a good listener and friend (re: NOT A MOM!) is the best thing you can do for her right now.

    Sorry to sound so cold and shallow. I just know the mindset of those girls -- I was one up to three years ago.

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    Quote Originally Posted by emily_hope View Post
    Thanks guys. So far, all I have done is listen. I am trying NOT to offer advice. And I really couldn't talk bad about the poor guy, cuz there isn't really anything bad to say. That is what is so sad. They just seem to be going in different directions. I did tell her that all relationships have rough patches and if you truly love someone you can ride out the storm.

    Another bad thing... she doesn't even LIKE chocolate!!
    Maybe french fries then?

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    Registered User emily_hope's Avatar
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    Now there is something she likes... McDonald's french fries.

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    Registered User ravenmaniac's Avatar
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    I have an 18 year-old daughter too. Just listening is best. I miss the days when you wiped their tears, hugged them, and gave them an encouraging word.

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    Registered User Edna_E's Avatar
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    A lot of the time emotions get thrown at an available target which is not necessarily the root of the problem. 18 is an age of many changes and stresses - they both may have a supply of fears about growing up and becoming independent and leaving their homes and friends - and it can make either or both of them rather temperamental. I'd just try to be patient, and not get in the middle of anything.

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    Registered User Katybird's Avatar
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    She is a bright girl with a good head on her shoulders (we know that apple did not fall far from the tree ) . She will figure it all out and do what is right for her, I think just being there and being a shoulder to cry on and a strong support is the important thing right now. If it is in the plan for them to work it out, they will and if not, then there is someone more perfect out there for her. to you both.

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    Registered User emily_hope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katybird View Post
    She is a bright girl with a good head on her shoulders (we know that apple did not fall far from the tree ) . She will figure it all out and do what is right for her, I think just being there and being a shoulder to cry on and a strong support is the important thing right now. If it is in the plan for them to work it out, they will and if not, then there is someone more perfect out there for her. to you both.

    Thank you Katybird, that brought tears to my eyes.

    Thank you all.

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