Letting go of the struggle (L-O-N-G!!)

**Cricket1** · 02-13-2008, 09:14 PM

Okay, first off, let me say that many of you will think, "That Cricket has gone off her rocker!" after reading this post. That's okay--you can think that!! LOL.

Remember how last month I was wondering what to wear to a sacred healing circle? Well, it didn't matter what I was wearing--everyone was different and couldn't have cared less.

I really went for the experience--I had no idea of what to expect. A friend of mine invited me and during the first five minutes, I was thinking that she was absolutely crazy. It seemed kinda "new age-y" to me and then I just listened. They had a guided meditation at first and the woman running it said beautiful things about winter and turning and looking inward. I got through that and then they discussed how the rest of the night was silent. There was a labyrinth to walk through, another area for meditation/prayer, a creative arts station and then a circle where you could receive a hot stone massage (sign me up!). Anyway, when the woman was talking about the labyrinth walk--I though it was the biggest crock of bull. But I listened and then she said something that just absolutely undid me. She said that if there was something that you've been carrying, many people walk the labyrinth, get to the middle and leave the problem there.

As I've mentioned before, my youngest son has some minor special needs. He is partially deaf and has a pretty significant articulation disorder. I worry (or did) constantly about this--I'm always trying to get a crystal ball to look through and wonder about how his speech will be in first grade, second grade, and so on and so forth. He also has a few surgeries coming up in a year and a half and I like to obsess about that, too. I do this all internally because on the homefront, I'm a rock. I keep a lot of this stuff inside and don't really share it. I KNEW this was what I was suppose to leave in the middle of the labyrinth. I was done worrying. I am (and ds is) right where we are suppose to be.

I'm a Christian, so for me, the meditation was a prayer and when I was walking through the labyrinth, I was praying. I prayed first and told God that I was giving this all to him--that I couldn't keep carrying all this around. It wasn't good for me or ds. So I let it go. I cried and let it go. It's funny that it wound up being the labyrinth (that I thought was a joke)that did me in!!!

I'm happy to say that it's been weeks and I am TOTALLY at ease with it, still. I haven't worried/obsessed about it once. I feel liberated!!! I waiting for the next healing circle and wondering what I can let go of now!!! LOL. I know that I gave it to God--he's taking care of it. Does this mean that I don't care about ds's speech or other issues? Not at all! It just does not consume me or my thoughts.

The funny thing is, this week he started working on a sound that he has never been able to produce (the "j" sound). We haven't been working on this in speech therapy or anything and out of the clear blue, he's decided that he can say it. You should hear him! He keeps asking me things like, "Does JJJeff start with JJJJJ?" Too funny! Maybe it has something to do with me relaxing, or giving it to God, or just ds's hard work--who knows, but something is happening!

Hey--if you stuck through this EXTREMELY long post--thank you. I hope that if there's something you are struggling with, you can just let go, too.

**Missy** · 02-13-2008, 09:23 PM

It's funny sometimes how when we literally hand things over to God, he affirms it in our lives. Least, that's how i see it. Either way, it's wonderful that your ds is working out his j's!

**Dancing Lotus** · 02-13-2008, 09:26 PM

I don't think you are crazy at all.

I can totaly get what you are saying. I have gone threw a similar transformation myself. I go for long walks, while I am on my walks I think about the things that I have been hanging on to and letting hold me back. When I get back those things are gone and I feel free and lighter somehow.

I am glade that you are able to let go! The universe lead you to that healing circle for a reason.

**Cricket1** · 02-13-2008, 09:32 PM

Ann--It's so true that I was lead there for a reason. I almost didn't go--I wanted to cancel at the last minute, but like I said, I just wanted to go for the experience.

**Ceashels** · 02-14-2008, 09:00 AM

What a wonderful affirmation of your beliefs. I am happy for you and your son's progress. And I don't think you are crazy at all.

As I travel on in my personal journey, I am finding that meditation to one group is prayer to another, that the Universe and God are different names for the same unifying thread that holds us all together. I am glad you were willing to go for the experience. Many people can't get past the label that is attatched to things to see that it really is all the same but by a different name.

Blessings.

**known2him5** · 02-14-2008, 11:07 AM

Guideposts magazine has a wonderful article on labyrinths this month.

**Dancing Lotus** · 02-14-2008, 11:19 AM

Originally Posted by Ceashels

What a wonderful affirmation of your beliefs. I am happy for you and your son's progress. And I don't think you are crazy at all.

As I travel on in my personal journey, I am finding that meditation to one group is prayer to another, that the Universe and God are different names for the same unifying thread that holds us all together. I am glad you were willing to go for the experience. Many people can't get past the label that is attatched to things to see that it really is all the same but by a different name.

Blessings.

Well said, and so true!