Well, the FlyLady Came Under Fire A Bit Yesterday...

[LadyNada]

I receive her emails daily, and I received this one yesterday.

_________________________________________________________________

Dear FlyLady,

I'm glad that woman finds that your and her Christian faith and theFlyLady decluttering program go so well together.

But in order to feel like sisters together, warm in the family ofbelievers, somebody needs to be outside the warm circle. Me. I'm aBuddhist Unitarian-Universalist who is struggling just like everybodyelse to get my house and my life in order, but I increasingly feelthat this program wants to just bless Christians.

To see how it might feel, you could go back and replace "Jewish" or"Hindu" in the emails and testimonials where you now read about Jesusand Christianity, and imagine that was the only faith reference youever saw. Would you, as a Christian, feel welcomed, blessed, and encouraged?

I do wish you could go back to helping ALL of us with your programinstead of narrowing it down and making it a Christian-friendly,other-excluding program. Over the years I have told many people aboutyour website and the FlyLady program, but I'm finding that I need tothrow in disclaimers now that I didn't used to need. It is easier forthose of us who have been around for a while and seen the good youhave accomplished, but for a newcomer, it now looks like a program byand for Christians. I am not asking you to hide your faith, just beaware that by promoting it the way you are in the emails andtestimonials, you may be limiting the help you are willing to give tothose who believe differently. (YOU choose which testimonials youwant to print, so something that comes from another person has yourstamp of approval if you print it.)

Good for you that your power comes from God in the way that youbelieve it. Please don't let FlyLady become a self-congratulatoryprogram, where God really only loves and wants to help the chosen fewtriumph over their CHAOS, or that they are the only people who deserveit or want happy, peaceful families. We all need it.

Peace,
-- Ellen

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FlyLady here: I have never pushed my religious beliefs on anyone. Itry to love everyone. I feel that love is what makes the world go round.

I stood in front of a Christian audience two weeks ago and told them that FlyLady was for everyone. That women of all different faiths (andI named them) and even those with no faith had the same wants anddesires when it comes to their homes.

I heard a gasp from the event sponsor when I mentioned pagans and witches. I don't exclude anyone. You exclude yourself when you don'tadapt our routines to fit your family.

The reason you don't see many testimonials about other faiths is thatI don't receive them often. If we would all just try to love ourneighbors as ourselves then the world would not be riddled with fear and anger.

I have never hidden the fact that God is a very big part of my life.God Breezes blow my direction every day.

Send me your testimonials and I will share them. We are all sisters and brothers living in one world!

_________________________________________________________________

Nada again: The reason that this bothers me so much is that, as a Wiccan and a Pagan, I too get the impression sometimes that there is so much promotion of Christianity on her site, not necessarily the blatant flashing-neon-sign that it could be, but it's unfair to not publish testimonials of other faiths. I know for a fact that I sent her a testimonial a year ago, giving specific detail as to how her methods have helped me and she didn't publish it. That's fine, that's up to her, but if you are going to promote "religions" then promote ALL religions. I just don't think she's being fair. What's more, I know several other FlyBabies who are Pagan and/or Wiccan and I know they all sent in testimonials about how her methods have helped our faiths, and she didn't post any of them. There's far more of us open Pagans out there in the world and I am sure that The few of us that I know sent in testimonials didn't aren't the only ones. Not to mention the Buddhists, Hindus, Athiests, Muslims, Scientologists, etc. that I'm sure use her program.

I just feel betrayed and lied to, to be honest. I still enjoy her methods, but it's kind of like when you realize there is no Santa Claus -- the joy and enthusiasm of Christmas just kind of dissapears. I just feel very let down, and that really bothers me, because I put so much blind faith into her and trusted her not to lead me wrong. But now it's very different.

[Heather]

I just feel betrayed and lied to, to be honest. I still enjoy her methods, but it's kind of like when you realize there is no Santa Claus -- the joy and enthusiasm of Christmas just kind of dissapears. I just feel very let down, and that really bothers me, because I put so much blind faith into her and trusted her not to lead me wrong. But now it's very different.

She let you down?!?!?....you used her system and it worked. I would be thankful for that.

[pita1213]

i'm sorry you feel let down. i tried her system a few years ago but just couldn't deal with the constant emails and ended up using a different system.


if it bothers you too much to read teh testomonials, stop reading them. i don't mean to sound flip, but just don't read them. try to take the helpful reminders or scheulde or whatever it is that is part of her system that helps you keep on task and ignore the rest the best you can. you might try sending in another testimonial.

[LadyNada]

Oh most times I don't mind her testimonials. Heck, I didn't even mind the testimonials she sent about Christianity. It's all fine with me. My problem is her reaction to the woman who sent in the comment about the testimonials. She just seems so rude. I just get this impression from her, like, "Don't tell me I'm wrong, I'm never wrong." I dunno, maybe it's just me.

[dwallyfam]

That is why several of her early members left. They tried to give suggestions and she wouldn't take them.

[MessyKat]

Nada,

I can unstand how you feel betrayed. I have also thought that flylady pushes the Christian message. I don't down her for that and she should post more messages from those of other faiths. We are all human beings and deserve better than to be lied to, or betrayed.

Thank you for sharing with us. I hope we can be a good source of sisterhood for you.

[canadian gardener]

I see it as simply flylady being herself and not trying to be someone she isn't. She isn't down on other religions. I've been reading her stuff for years now, my sister was one of her early fans.

The first couple of years I couldn't stand her disorganized attempts at organization but over the years thru trial and error she got better at it, and now her system is one that works well for a lot of people. It is still way to over done and the repitition and overkill push a lot of people away. So what? It works for a lot of others.

Why did you join?

If it was for her system, then take from it and enjoy.

The person she has to be, in order to be flylady is going to be a bit more flamboyant and abrasive.

I've noticed that with my dad, an author and other authors and artists. Frankly some of them are difficult people.

They succeed because they don't let others trim their vision down to size. They never let people tell them how to do their thing. Even when they are making mistakes, they prefer to make their own mistakes which is their right and priviledge. Honestly, it becomes part of their art.

Flylady is like that. She didn't listen to others who do have some good ideas that might have given her a bit more of an accessible style for more people. But she wasn't writing for an audience. Originally she wrote just for herself, and then others wanted in on her list.

Why not just view it as the fact that an artist produces some things that touch your soul and make your heart sing, and other things honestly just make you want to puke?

She is an artist of organization. take what works, leave the rest and be thankful she had the inner drive to keep to her vision even when others may have better insight on some things but lacked that individual drive to do it their way.

Part of that vision and who she is,

is how she interprets her world view from a religious point of view. Why take that away from her? Why make her fit your idea of what she should be like?

Be thankful for the bits you like, and leave the rest, because that is part of life. People we meet don't agree with us. It's part of the flavour of life. She is who she is, and she has a right to be that way.

I'd hate to have to go get my food from someone who had to attend my church for example. I'd miss out on some Buddhist food from China or Thailand or some Sikh food from India or some wonderful stuff from Shintoists.

[NoDebtMom]

Margery, I just love your perspective on life!

[Lorri]

I agree, take what you can and leave the rest. Appreciate the differences of people. Maybe just try to look at it as not downing other faiths just sticking to her own.

[Budgetmom]

Well said, Margery. Well said.

[miss_thrifty]

Very well said Margery!!!
Philosphy should be your major in life. Or a coucilor, U can exspress yourself about differnt situations and at the same the time being very open minded and diplomatic. We all could learn something about differnt situations we are in in or how we percieve what goes on around us.

[Homekeepn]

It seems to be that alot of Flylady's testimonies talk about christianity lately. I feel uncomfortable too and I am Christian. I do not mind casual religous talk no matter what the faith, but not 4 or 5 in a row. Same thing about feather dusters. Alright I get it. they work really well.

Margery- I love reading your posts. That was well said.

I will still subscribe to Flylady. I just use what suits me and my family.

[Telephus44]

You know, I also had a really strong reaction to that Testimonial, but I thought it was because she caved it, IMHO. Normally when people say "I need a special list because I'm not a SAHM (or I'm a single mom, or I'm disabled, or whatever other issue the person is facing) Flylady says that they are just whining, and that the system works for anyone, and she is not going to change it just for them! (e.g. she won't change the "date night" reminders just because some of her members are single). You have to adapt it a bit to your situation. I was honestly expecting Flylady to say that people were just whining about the emails, and if they didn't like it, then not to read them. I felt like she kind of caved in, especially at the end when she asked for people of other faiths to submit testimonials.

I also feel that most likely, a large number of her subscribers are Christian, and since they probably submit more testimonials, then of course they are more likely to get published. She also never gives statistics on how many she receives and how many she publishes. I know that I have sent her two and they weren't published.

I also remember that around one of the winter holidays she did publish a testimonial from a woman who was Jewish, about how she adapted Flylady's holiday plan (I can't remember whether it was Thanksgiving or Christmas) to a large seder dinner she was having. (ok, maybe it was Easter - I'm not the most up on what time of year the Jewish holidays fall!). I always figured it was kind of like that.

And - while I admit I hadn't really picked up on the Christian stuff lately (for the record, I was raised Christian but am currently trying to figure out what works best for me - I'm actually kind of studying Wicca right now) - I wish she would stop with the feather duster testimonials. I'm getting a little tired of them (and yes - as soon as I realize its another feather duster testimonial, I just delete it).