Simplicity means taking time for yourself

**homesteadmamma** · 10-06-2002, 05:52 PM

In a hectic world. You clear out whats superflous and make room for a life of passion, depth and joy. Quote from Janet Luhrs website and book The Simple Living Guide.

How do you plan on doing that over the next few weeks?

What do you think about it?

Thoughts

**KathiS** · 10-09-2002, 04:08 AM

I think we often fill our lives up with things we really don't need to do and don't enjoy. We waste time doing these things over and over. I don't think most of us have time then to think "Why am I doing this?" For example, I had flower beds everywhere last summer. I was going crazy watering and weeding and I got to the point that I wasn't even enjoying my flower gardens. Why was I growing all those flowers when I wasn't even enjoying them any more? This summer I made fewer flower beds and I enjoyed them more. I feel we are so often on auto pilot because we don't take the time to identify what is worthy of our time. Maybe too, we try to meet the expectations of others without really thinking if it is what we want. I would just like to allow myself the time to think about what I really want to do and what is really important.

**dozymom** · 10-09-2002, 01:46 PM

I took an "offline break" from Friday to this morning. I am refreshed and I got some needed work done. I am thinking I may make this a permanent thing, not going offline altogether but having a routine to it.

I'm thinking that weekends are for family so from frid afternoon to Sunday night belong to them.

Then Monday is my big cleaning day, and I often derail it by going online to visit instead of work.

Tuesday I teach a bible study in the morning and I have the car that day (I share with dh) so in the afternoon I need to take advantage of my wheels

and visit or do some comparison shopping or go to appt.

So that means Wed, Thur and most of Fri is free to go online inbetween normal household tasks.

That's my simplicity project.

This week, Monday was especially hard. I was in withdrawal but I did get lots more done, and I'm feeling happier and more energetic as a result.

**simplemom** · 10-15-2002, 09:18 PM

You have got me thinking again....

Clear out what is superflous, make place for passion...

My life is full of superflous, even if I think I have a simple life. I want to do so much, all at the same time, in this period of my life...even mydr. tells me to save some for my later years...

But still, I keep on adding and adding in my life and I'm having a hard time to find quiet and empty spaces of time to truly appreciate the present moment...

I know what I want, but it's like I'm not listening. What do you think Homestead Mama?

**homesteadmamma** · 10-15-2002, 09:31 PM

Lucie, I think what we all need to do is step back and drop some of the things we have in our life.

KathiS said it best, we take on things we really don't even like doing. I'm with her in that I'm seriously considering whether I garden (veggie) again next year. It took time to water it, weed it, kill the bugs in it, weed it, weed it. Did I say weed it. Then there was all the work of canning and preserving. That part I love but I don't like weeding. So I'm considering purchasing my veggies from farmers and giving them an extra income next year.

I use to do lots and lots of crafts, but I simplified and only do 2 now, quilting (my passion) and making bears. I did enjoy doing others, but it took up so much time and space, both of which I didn't have.

So in trying to take time for ourselves, we need to drop a few things and learn to say the big word NO!! Tough and very hard to learn, but when I learnt that my life got a whole lot easier. I'm still learning that yet. I learnt we don't always have to say YES to everything or anyone, that its our life and in order to be happy, content and healthy (yes even that), we need to learn to simplify and slow down.

I believe that is what Janet is talking about, to get rid of the baggage so that we can truly enjoy our passions.

**simplemom** · 10-15-2002, 10:21 PM

I have another question Homestead mama...

When you did start saying no to stuff and people, how did you feel about it? When you truly simplified your life to have more time, how did you feel? Did you you ever feel a little sense of panic or afraid that you were making a mistake or regreting all the other projects you won't be doing?

I'm asking you this, because I, myself have been seriously wondering for two summers of not gardening. I'm ashamed to say I threw out 3 zuchinis this last sept, because, I was postponing grating them and freezing them... Every year I want to do preserves but I don't and I feel sad about it, but I don't have time! I have 4 very demanding children, my handicapped aunt and my sick parents, whom I have to look after. Of coarse my parents don't live with us, but I do so much for them, when I can...so I know I don't have time to garden much or do preserves, but It's like I have the impression if I do thoise things, I'm living a simple country life...

Do you understand what I mean? I'm confused at times about what I truly want. I read what others do and think...wow, me too...but my reality is different from others so why don't I accept it and stop the guilt I have inside?

Sorry, I'm talking away, but I'm desperately searching to understand or find what are my deeper needs...

**homesteadmamma** · 10-15-2002, 11:33 PM

I'll try to answer your questions, but always remember you have to do whats best for you. I have 3 special needs kids and homeschool, so I know how difficult it must be for you.

I never felt a sense of panic or that I would make a mistake but at times when I said no I felt guilty. That guilt has now gone. It took awhile and I started in baby steps. I'll tell you how I started.

I fostered for 6 years special needs children. It was demanding and yet I loved it. I always said yes to every child they called me about, it didn't matter how much time it would take to care for them or not I said yes because I felt I would save these kids. I ended up with a total and complete burn-out, one that has taken me years to heal from. When I went to my doctor he told me, cj either you start slowing down or your going to end up a very sick lady. So my very first no was when I was called to foster a couple of kids. It was so difficult but I knew I had to do it. Once I began to say NO, it started to come easier. I did feel guilt that I couldn't give these kids a home for a time, please don't think it was easy. It wasn't.

I finally ended up giving up fostering but adopting 3 special needs kids instead.

I then began to simplify in other ways. I stopped baking for something every time I was called. I cut back in doing things I didn't like doing. I would often be called to go out for coffee and would run at the drop of a hat for others. I quit doing that and instead chose when I went. I dropped some toxic friends also. I also stopped running with the kids everywhere. They now have one activity and that is all. Are they deprived, of course not.

From there I then began to simplify my home. I bake bread and cook from scratch and hang up clothes, but I don't always make my bed in the morning. I looked at things that I was doing that I didn't like and began to say, "why am I doing this". Did the dishes have to be washed after every meal, of course not. Do you see what I'm saying. Its a matter of finding the things you don't like doing and trying to let go of them. I'm not saying to keep a messy house, thats not what I'm saying here or to have no friends, period. What I am saying is to make choices of whats important and throw the rest out with the bath water.

You are different from me in every way so you will find different things you don't like doing. If you don't feel good about gardening, give it up. There are other ways to save money. If you don't feel like canning/preserving, don't do it. Find something you enjoy doing (baking bread) and then do that and enjoy it. (I'm just using baking bread as an example, it could be anything). You don't have to be like me or others in order to live a simple life. Never feel guilty because you threw out 3 zucchini. Throw them out with gusto!!!!

What Janet is saying here and throughout her book The Simple Living Guide is you do whats best for you. You find what YOUR passionate about and let the rest go.

Do you do it all at once - NEVER. You take baby steps and start small. Although mine started big by saying no to fostering, after that it was baby steps I took. Its taken me years to get to where I am and I'm still not there. Its an on going process, a journey that we continue on until we leave this earth. One that changes over time and yet it is so rewarding.

You don't need to be doing all the things that homesteaders do in order to be living a simple country life. You need to be doing what is comfortable for you and forget about what others are doing. Other homesteaders are doing lots more than I do but it doesn't bother me. I'm living the lifestyle I feel comfortable with.

Hope this helps.

**Patchworkgirl** · 10-16-2002, 04:05 AM

CJ- very good advise, as usual. I think as women, it is so hard for us to learn to say no. I am getting better at this the older I get, but I still need some fine tuning....

**simplemom** · 10-16-2002, 08:38 AM

Thank-you cj....

All that you said I knew, but I have a hard time taking baby steps. I'm the type who wants the giants steps and I know deep down I can't do it all at once. My challenge will be to say *no* to others, to activities, and to myself, when I know I'm adding too much on my back.

I'm going to buy the book you are talking about. I feel it would help me.

Thank-you so much for your support and advice.