From a dear friend and class mate that was diagnosed with cancer last November.

**sunshine** · 08-07-2004, 10:16 PM

Friday, August 6, 2004

Our Lord knows what we are going through and is ready to step in and aid us at just the right time.

So God looked on the Israelites and was concerned about them. (Exodus 2:25)
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(NOTE: Today's "Word" is exceptionally long; much longer than usual. It's just that today I have quite a bit to say. Thanks. Anne)

I AM OVERWHELMED
(by Anne Baldridge)

As I sit here tonight, Thursday, August 5, 2004, I am overwhelmed. Eight months ago today I had surgery for colon cancer. Tomorrow is my last day of chemo. I am done.

Three weeks ago, as I was sitting there taking chemo, it hit me, "This is almost over." Up until then, this was just something I did every week. Something I've become used to doing, and something that's just a permanent part of my schedule. And finally, now that this is almost over, it's all hitting me. Cancer. Surgery. Chemotherapy. Done.

I am so blessed. There has been no "bad" in this whole thing. The only side effect has been that I have not had much stamina, and the chemo compounds, which means it makes me more tired now than it did at the beginning, but that can be taken care of by naps, and I love naps!

I am in awe of what the Lord has done in my life. That He has preserved my life.
I am grateful. I am humbled.
I am so thankful.

I don't know His plan for me, but I trust Him.
I don't know the next step to take in my life, and I'm not clear even as to the path I am to be on. But I do know that His way is best. I know He loves me and He'll lead me.
And I desperately want to follow; wherever.

When I found I had colon cancer I told my doctors I believed four things:
God uses doctors,
He uses surgeons,
People die, 'cause that's part of life, and
God can heal without a doctor or a surgeon.

I have been blessed with incredible doctors, in whom I have more trust and confidence than I usually give to most people. I have learned what it is to trust someone with your life. And God provided the exact right doctors for me. Nothing has been "by chance." It never is. I am grateful for these relationships.

During the month before surgery I started praying a new prayer. I began praying for "God's best" for me. You know, you can't ask for anything better than the best. And only God knows what that is. I knew that His "best" could mean that I would go home to heaven, and with Jesus Christ as my Savior, I knew I was ready to go. When you pray a prayer like this, at least for me, it makes it easier to stop worrying about things. I mean, when you've talked to the Creator of the Universe and asked for His best, there's really not much more to say. The other part of the prayer I prayed before surgery was that God would do something so incredible that people would have to say, "That was God." And I believe He has. Even before surgery He gave me such a peace, a calm, that people noticed. And there have been other things too. Surgery was on a Friday, and the last pain medicine I had was at 6:00 a.m. on Sunday morning, the weekend of surgery. There was no pain. I have walked two miles every day since December 29, and I haven't missed a day since I started. For those of you who really know me, you know that had to be God. And with tomorrow's chemo treatment, I will have had 24 treatments WITHOUT A PORT! This has been an especially strong testimony to me of God's intervention. Fifteen weeks ago a doctor told me I would have to have a port implanted because the way they were giving me the chemo through my veins wasn't going to work for the duration of the chemo; my veins weren't going to hold up. At that time they were having to "stick" me multiple times, usually three to five times every Friday, to draw blood and give me the chemo. And now, out of the past eleven weeks, nine weeks have been a "one stick" and two have been a "two stick." My veins have held up, and have held up well. That is such an answer to my prayer; personally.

It's funny, as time went on and things were going well, there would be "little" issues like something financial or some "pressure decision" to make. And how did I handle it? Well, at first I handled it just like I always have. Take the matter into my own hands and work on figuring it out, making it happen. And then I realized I could take that same little prayer and apply it to ALL parts of my life. I could commit that decision to the Lord, asking for His best in that situation. And then, further, I could ask Him to do something so awesome that I, and others, would have to know "That was God." The Lord showed me that the more I acknowledged Him in my life the more I would see Him at work. And it's a very humbling thing to see Him actively working in your life. I would invite you to pray this same prayer in your own life: God's best, and something so incredible it has to be God. He will hear and answer. I know from experience.

After the surgery was so successful I really was surprised to learn there were cancer cells in six of the fifteen lymph nodes that had been removed. I didn't expect it. I don't know if anyone did. I do know there were those of you who told me you, too, were surprised. But in looking back, had it not been in the lymph nodes I would not have had chemotherapy. And there have been experiences and people, especially the people, whom I would have never encountered had it not been for chemo.

I told my surgeon if I could have the choice to go back to November 2003 and not have cancer, or be where I am right now, with all I know, all I've learned, all the experiences with nurses, doctors, chemo, weekly blood tests, and more, I would choose where I am right now. Why? Because I see God all over it. And He is Good.

I also told my doctor that if I can ever help someone else who is going through a similar situation, either with colon cancer or chemotherapy, I am willing to talk, listen, pray, or do whatever else I can. The offer is there for whoever needs it.

I have had to learn to receive; to let people help. There were many times when I would be sitting on the couch, eating my dinner off a TV tray, a dinner someone had provided for me, and I would be listening to the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir singing "So You Would Know." It got to me every time when they would sing, "Didn't I put food on your table; show up when the bills were due? So you would know just how much I love you." I think experiencing the love of Christ for me has been one of the most eye-opening experiences of this whole thing. You know, sometimes we "know" something, but later on something happens and then we really KNOW it. The best thing is that this has increased my faith. He IS able to do exceedingly abundantly above ALL that we could ask or imagine.

There is a song by the group Casting Crowns that sums it up for me. It's called "Praise You With The Dance":

I will sing to the Lord
And I will lift my voice
For You have heard my cry

I will sing to the Lord
And I will lift my hands
For You have brought me out of the pit
For You have brought me out of the pit

And I'll sing glory, hallelujah
I lift Your name on high
I'll sing holy, 'cause You're worthy
I'll praise You with the dance.

Thank you for your prayers, for your many acts of kindness, and for letting the Lord use you to help me. You will never know how mightily you have been used.

Oh, the other good news is that at the end of June I had another colonoscopy and CT scans. Everything looks great! And my oncologist said I am "in remission and cancer free." Now it's just six to eight more weeks and I should be back to "normal".

We serve a good, good God.

MEMORY VERSE
I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. (Psalm 16:8, NLT)

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