how do you cope with change?

**forestdale** · 10-28-2004, 10:50 PM

I have always loved change - I'm invigorated by it and I look forward to it. My DH hates change. He likes his routine, it's comfortable and familar. He always asks my advice before he does anything new and often I have to talk him into changes that we need to make in our lives.

There have been two occasions in my life when I hated change. The first was when I was about 11 or 12 and my mum took me into a fancy department store to be fitted for my first bra. Ack! Not only was I embarrassed to show my new little breasts to this lady but she fitted me out in a pointed number that was probably the prototype of the signature madonna bra. That baby was so pointy and hard that I think I could have sailed south in it and cut ice in antarticia all winter.

My next exposure to traumatic change was when my mum died. She had non-hodgkin's lymphoma, she was in Sydney, I was 2000kms away up north. I talked to her every day on the phone, she was in hospital, and she kept telling me that she was ok and not to come dowm. My sister kept telling me she was very ill and to come down. I chose to believe my mum because I couldn't imagine her being as sick as my sister said, and if she was right then the change would be too unbearable to even think about. My mum died while I was on the red eye flight to be at her side. I never saw her again. I think I'm still trying to cope with the change of her not being on the end of my phone. I know I will never forgive myself for not going to her earlier but the change brought about by her not being here is growing more familiar. She died 11 years ago.

All my other changes have gone smoothly. I thrive on change and hope that even when I'm really old, I'll have the opportunity to change whatever and whenever I want to.

Tell me how you cope with the changes in your life. Have there been times when changes have taken the wind out of your sails or do you just go with the flow?

**kimmee** · 10-28-2004, 11:55 PM

I like change - I welcome it - except if I think I have caused it - then all my worry buttons go off and I get scared that I have just screwed someone else up. I can not handle that guilt. But otherwise I am readily adaptible and even excited - all of my planning and method of attack skills come into play!

**Missy** · 10-29-2004, 12:00 AM

i never deal with change well at all. it has to be my choice ot it causes al kinds of problems for me.

**DaisyLady** · 10-29-2004, 06:56 AM

Hmmmm change. I like change when it is my choice and I can plan for it in my control freak, super planner, way. But, every once in awhile I figure if I don't have a change I will spontaneously combust. So in a matter of seconds (sometimes) I will pull an impulsive about face and head of in a totally unplanned direction. It drives my DH crazy. Which is of course part of the charm. Example...I used to have very long hair, down to my waist. Once day I went out to do groceries, drove by a hair salon and the rest is history. I came back with hair so short I could barely run my fingers through it. When my DH saw it he literally fell of his chair. I thought he was going to cry! No regrets on my part BTW. I love my short hair. It is a little longer now but I would never go back to the long, long tresses.

**Ellise** · 10-29-2004, 09:29 AM

I suppose it depends on what kind of change. I feel Change is good, and usually welcome it with open arms after all variety is the spice of life!

Other changes like the loss of a loved one, I just can't handle.

**PrairieRose** · 10-29-2004, 10:04 AM

If the change is not a surprise by nature I handle it....maybe not well at first (like when my dk's went off to school) but I do handle it. Surprise changes really throw me. I like to know what's in store (which is not realistic sometimes I know but I still like to know....lol ) and to talk about and plan for it if I can. Now I'm not like my friend who tries to control everything including the weather.....THANK goodness!

**Michele Annette** · 10-29-2004, 11:05 AM

Hmmm...change. There are parts of me that love change. We want our own house. We hate the apartment we're in and yeah, it would be way easy to say that this is comfortable. I know what to expect with this situation we're currently in, but it is so boring! And I hate the thought of paying someone else's mortgage after being here for four years. We want so much more out of life, so yes, change is good sometimes.

The changes that have happened this past week with the house and the lawyer and the realitors and the inspector have made me CraZy!!!

They are for the better though, so I am glad that did change, but now we have to start over and that isn't a fun either.

Ultimately I think change is good and it's inevitable really. I think it's how we deal with change which makes us able to tolerate it.

**Darlene** · 10-29-2004, 11:07 AM

I usually roll with it and try to think optimistically. There are times when I'll make the change but it doesn't mean I'm not kicking & screaming on the inside as I do so. For instance, having my son move away from home to go to college... I know is a good thing and it's the way it's supposed to be but I'll be crying on the inside because I'm going to miss him so very much and it changes so many things. Gotta be strong & cheer him on and I will and it will all work out...