Remembering simplicity for our kids

**daddys3chicks** · 02-03-2005, 05:30 PM

I am trying very hard to work on having a simple life. We have a ways to go, but in comparison to some of our peers, we are WAY ahead. What strikes me as amazing is how cluttered and scheduled some of ths kids lives are. My DD 7 has always been told she may choose one activity outside of school and church. Currently she is taking dance. She is in her first grade choir at church along with bible study. DD 3 is not in any outside activities.

Friends of ours have their kids lives so scheduled. They want to "expose" them to many things. They take dance, swim lessons, play soccer, take music lesson, drama lessons in addition to school and church!

It seems to me that we are not letting kids be kids anymore. I took music lessons when I was young, and that was it. (besides school and church activites) Maybe I am not well rounded - but I have several hobbies I thrive on, I can play the piano and sing, I love to write.

Are we teaching our children to want more by placing them in so many things? I want my DDs to choose things they truly enjoy. Already my older DD says she may drop dance next year (this is her second year) because she wants to try Girl Scouts. Personally, I think GS would be a great fit for her.

And, we started her so much later in dance than the other kids - she was 5 going on 6 when she started. Some had started at 3!

Maybe I am off base, or just rambling, but I would appreciate others thoughts on this.

**Emerald_Mommy** · 02-04-2005, 05:09 PM

I totally agree with you, Cheryl! Growing up I was homeschooled and allowed to take one thing also (other than homeschool activities & church), so I took piano for 12 years. I do not think I am any less 'rounded' than anyone else. I feel like I had time to BE a kid and do many different things with many different people.

My daughter (3) is not taking anything yet but we have already decided on homeschooling and I will teach her piano/music basics. Other than that she may choose one thing. Right now she begs to take Tae Kwon Do, like her uncle (9) but I'm not starting anything yet! She also asks about Ice skating but holy cow it's expensive!

My younger sister took dance for awhile and at the recitals some parents would have these tiny little 2-3yr olds up there, with mom or dad yelling from the wings if they did anything 'wrong'. Pretty unhealthy, to my mind! Guess, that's my $.02

**forestdale** · 02-04-2005, 07:13 PM

I agree with both of you. Childhood is a time for being a child and for discovery - of yourself and the world. Things kids do after school as just pastimes or hobbies, I doubt the make well rounded kids. Besides I think you become a well rounded person later in life, not when you're a kid.

When I was a child I did dance class and accompanied my mother whenever she went anywhere. I learnt coordination from dance but I learnt so much more being with my mum as she visited her friends, shopped, went to the library or to the beach.

My kids were the same - one played soccer the other hung out with his friends or with me. I was a journalist then so he came with me whenever I had to see anyone - we were in the country - so he was taught how to milk a cow, how to approach a horse properly, how to teach a dog to sit still, and many other things. They are adults now and have tavelled abroad, have many friends and are the nicest men you could ever hope to meet.

I think after school activities often have more to do with the parents than with the kids.

**Darlene** · 02-04-2005, 09:10 PM

Never pushed my kids into activities, time enough to be on a strict schedule when they get older. Their job is to play and go to school.
Both kids decided to get involved in tennis in 10th grade.Dd was in band 8th grade on, again her choice. This having to be here there & everywhere drives me nuts. Our family had very few dinners where I didn't have the whole family around the table.

Every family is different but this is what we wanted and meant alot to us.

**frugalandsimple** · 02-08-2005, 08:12 AM

I think it's fine for kids to be in "scheduled" activities as long as they have time to play and just be a kid. I also don't think it's fair to make a child do a "scheduled" activity he/she doesn't want to do.

I think after school activities often have more to do with the parents than with the kids.

forestdale, I agree with you

forestdale, I agree with your post

**guest2** · 02-08-2005, 11:21 AM

My 3 boys are in their teens now and starting to do more on their own and their lives are getting busier. We still step in as parents and try to help them limit their activities a bit. Only 1 team sport per year allowed and only if we approve of the coach.

They also are involved in band, guitar lessons and youth groups so they are very busy since they also have jobs.

When they were younger we really limited outside activities. They did (and still do) volunteer work with me, were involved in homeschool activities with other kids, acted in plays at church, were involved in scouting (that didn't last long), took piano lessons. We were very selective and wanted the kids to have lots and lots of time to just be with their friends, do things with us and to learn about the world around them.

**ScrapMama** · 02-09-2005, 02:13 PM

We learned the hard way to limit activities. DD did cheer for over half a year and the time and money wore us down as a family. Now we do have ds in soccer and the girls will be starting swim lessons, but that will be it for us this coming summer.

**Mom23boys** · 02-09-2005, 02:44 PM

We let our children choose which activities they want to participate in. We have never forced any of them to play any sport or be part of any other activity. We just wanted them to enjoy being kids!

DS#1 is 16 now and never played any sports except 7th and 8th grade football. He tried baseball once when he was 9 and hated it. So he never played again. He is now in the 11th grade and doesn't care for sports other than golf....which is just a leisure activity. He would rather hang out with his friends and go to church.

DS#2 on the other hand has been playing baseball since 5. He is now 14 and has played year round baseball. When he hit the 7th grade he played all the sports in school; football, basketball and track. During the summer, he plays baseball. He also has done all these sports in the 8th grade, which is the grade he is in currently. We have never forced him to play. He has always done these things on his own. I think it is peers mainly. He also is involved with church.

DS#3 is 10 and in the 4th grade. He played tball when he was 5. Didn't like it, so didn't play anymore until last year. He kept telling us he wanted to play again. We asked if he was sure and he said yes. He loved what time he got to play....broke his knee during the season. Now he is talking about playing this year already. He has already been outside practicing with DS#2. He has begged me to let him play basketball and soccer, but I would have to drive him to another town everyday for practice and games, so we decided not to do that. He is also involved in church.

We have never forced our children to participate in anything they never wanted to. It isn't worth my time nor theirs. I don't want to be one of those parents that have to listen to them whine and complain because they don't want to be there. If they want to participate in something, I will support them whether they are good or bad because this is what they chose to do. I have already lived my childhood, I don't need to live another one.

**mommy2many** · 02-09-2005, 02:45 PM

I couldn't agree more! It drives me crazy when I listen to other parents complain about having to drive their kids here and there to dance, music, and other activites! My girls do Girl Scouts and family/church related things and that's it. I have no desire to be a taxi service

When I was a kid I did gymnastics and school. Other than that I played OUTSIDE in the FRESH air!

Do you even see kids playing outside anymore? It's so rare to see kids having fun playing tag, or kickball outside. No one knows their neighbors because no one lets their kids outside to play. You don't hear moms calling their kids in for dinner anymore because no one is home!

I don't know I think there is much to be said for building a fort and riding your bike!