How do I deal with this?

**mmy2grls** · 05-23-2008, 08:37 PM

I've went round and round with my ex boyfriend about visitations and such. The fact is he is entitled to 6 weeks of visitation this summer with my baby being with me every other weekend. I hate this and don't want to be seperated from her.

My ex boyfriends mom will be staying with him for the summer so she will always be with the baby. I'm thinking about asking him to split into 2- 3 week visitations at the beginning and end of summer

And i'm also thinking about my other daughter visiting her grandparents for 2-3 weeks this summer at the same time my baby will be visiting her dad. It would benefit me so that I could work like crazy and get some money ahead for a rainy day.

I can deal with my oldest visiting her grandparents because I like and trust them but I am not handling the thought of my baby visiting her dad, I am selfish but yet paranoid he'll try to steal her.

**zakity** · 05-23-2008, 08:49 PM

Can you convey that to the court? That you are afraid that he will try to steal her, that he has threatened that in the past.

**mmy2grls** · 05-23-2008, 09:08 PM

Does no good. Court says he has the right to visitation until the day he harms or kidnaps her. I did get the court to agree that she cannot leave state. He was visiting her at my house but I called the police on him last time, he broke my finger by crushing my cell phone shut. Still he didn't harm the baby so the court does not care.

**Moor** · 05-23-2008, 09:41 PM

in ohio, it is legal to keep the child from a parent, if you fear for their safety when they are with that person. but you have to have a valid reason.
like the fact that he broke your finger. if he did that to you, what would he do to the child?
as long as you have a police report, then you have that on your side.
but i am not sure what all is going on, but talk to a lawyer if you can, about this. make sure that you have legal backing before you do something. don't want you getting into trouble!

**Wendy99** · 05-23-2008, 09:48 PM

sorry I don't have much advice to give, but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best. sounds like a hard situation. I agree talk to a lawyer if you can.

**mmy2grls** · 05-24-2008, 01:55 PM

I didn't word what I wanted to say right.

My baby will be seeing her father for 6 weeks this summer, it has to be done and i'm not trying to stop it. I'm going to miss her soooo bad. It's not like when my parents take my kids out for half the day and I go crazy with freedom for a few hours, 6 weeks is a long time for me to be away from her.

I don't know what i'm going to do with myself. I can most definately work like crazy and make big money to keep my mind off things which I plan doing, maybe watching a movie that I would enjoy, and also do some house cleaning.

I asked about splitting it into two seperate visits of 3 weeks and my ex boyfriend said no. I know my baby will have fun but I am having a hard time dealing with the fact the visit will be so long.

**leezza** · 05-24-2008, 02:13 PM

Can you maybe talk to him when he is in a good mood and ask him if you could talk to her every few day???? Buy a calling card or eat it on your cell phone???? I would at least call and talk to his mother that will be watching her and let her know how much you miss your baby.......maybe, she could help you out.....people aren't stupid she knows that her son is a idiot.

JMHO,
leezza

**mmy2grls** · 05-24-2008, 05:57 PM

he has no phone number, just his neices cell phone and he's never around. He floats around and lives with family so I wouldn't have a permanent address either.

**Lady_V** · 05-24-2008, 06:26 PM

Um... that concerns ME... and I am not the mother!

You NEED to be able to get in touch with him while he has your DD. You said his mother will be staying with him while he has DD... does SHE have a cell phone?

Part of our custody arrangement is whomever has our DD has to be accessible to the other via telephone... we both have landlines and cell phones. I know you don't want to fight him on the visitations, but can you go to the court and ask them what can be done because he doesn't have a steady address, no telephone, and you will have no contact with her for 6 weeks... maybe they will make him tell you where he will be and 'check in' every few days???

... and yes, I think you should log in more time at work to make more money to stick away for the rainy days... but do something with your other DD too

**zakity** · 05-24-2008, 06:31 PM

he has no phone number, just his neices cell phone and he's never around. He floats around and lives with family so I wouldn't have a permanent address either.

I would make sure the court was aware of this and that that is the situation that he is putting that baby in. Better yet, have a friend that knows you call CSD (or CPS or whatever it is called in your neck of the wood) and tell them that they are concerned about his visitation. They might step in and do something.

Also, see if there is a CASA thing in your area and see if they can step in for your daughter. CADA represents the child's best interest, not the parents.

**Frugal Nurse** · 05-24-2008, 06:31 PM

That's weird.
What happened to my post? Must have been 'reported'.
I wasnt flaming, swearing, or saying anything bad about anyone. Although I do recall not putting in my disclaimer! sheesh! See what happens!!

mmy2grls, in "shouldn't I be happy" thread - you spoke of him not consistently visiting the child.

So, I told you not to worry... he won't take the baby if he hasn't even the disire to see her regularly.

I also told you ... that it's a tough thing to do.. I couldn't do it.

But what ever made you seal that kind of the deal? And based on his past record you spoke of in other threads, it's unlikely he'll follow through on his end.

And finally, if and when it happens- and you feel compelled to see the baby, just call him. I see now that he HAS no phone number.
Not a thing a custodial parent should allow.
He floats around ~ again not a custodial parent will allow either.
It's not in the best interest of the baby.
But if he's floating... how is his mother going to stay with him?

Anyway. go ahead and flag this. I guess.

Shouldn't I be happy?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My ex boyfriend has not really paid child support consistantly and now he visits my baby about once every 2 months. Personally I would be happy if he stopped paying cs and left us alone.

I found out today that at the time he stopped paying and visiting was when he got a new girlfriend who has kids herself. I am mad thinking that he'd rather spend time and money on this new girl and not my baby.

I am not jealous. I did not like being with him and if his new girlfriend loves him, better her than me.

Then again I think I should be happy that maybe he'll not come around anymore but then I get scared because he sued me before that he might try it again.

it sickens me to think I may not have peace for another 16 years

**mmy2grls** · 05-24-2008, 11:34 PM

Originally Posted by Lady_V

... and yes, I think you should log in more time at work to make more money to stick away for the rainy days... but do something with your other DD too

My other daughter will be at her grandparents for a visit at the same time so i'll be alone

**FrugalMomof3** · 05-24-2008, 11:44 PM

I think you need to bring this up to your case worker who dealt with your vistation agreement. I am also confused that this is a father who would see his kids once every 2 months but now has the baby for 6 weeks out of the summer.... if he didnt care before, why now?

I personally smell something fishy going on and the fact that he has already harmed you, doesnt it concern you that he might harm the baby? I think you really need to get in contact with someone bright and early Tuesday morning and tell them everything and be honest.

2ndly, have you even asked him "Why the sudden interest in seeing the baby now, when he never cared before?"

**mmy2grls** · 05-24-2008, 11:46 PM

Originally Posted by Frugal Nurse

That's weird.
What happened to my post? Must have been 'reported'.
I wasnt flaming, swearing, or saying anything bad about anyone. Although I do recall not putting in my disclaimer! sheesh! See what happens!!

mmy2grls, in "shouldn't I be happy" thread - you spoke of him not consistently visiting the child.

So, I told you not to worry... he won't take the baby if he hasn't even the disire to see her regularly.

I also told you ... that it's a tough thing to do.. I couldn't do it.

But what ever made you seal that kind of the deal? And based on his past record you spoke of in other threads, it's unlikely he'll follow through on his end.

And finally, if and when it happens- and you feel compelled to see the baby, just call him. I see now that he HAS no phone number.
Not a thing a custodial parent should allow.
He floats around ~ again not a custodial parent will allow either.
It's not in the best interest of the baby.
But if he's floating... how is his mother going to stay with him?

Anyway. go ahead and flag this. I guess.

He does not visit regularly, more like once every 2 monts or so.

He has listed his neice's address and phone number with the friend of the court as his contact

He called me saying he will take the 6 week visit and said he was going to cause hell again if he did not get this visit.

Someone gave me the advice to write a letter to the friend of the court regarding the valid concerns I have with the baby visiting him. I was told that the friend of the court has to look into it.

My concerns are him leaving the state, he was already told that he cannot take my baby out of state

His address listed, he only recieves mail there, he does not live there

He has no phone where he can be directly reached at

The baby has doctor appointments every Tuesday for the next 8 weeks, she must go to these and he has no car and he lives almost 200 miles away

I'm just extremely frustrated because his family pulls in money when he wants to sue, last time he wanted me to pay child support to him from the day she was born even though I am the one raising her

Sorry, this is just a big mess

**FrugalWitch** · 05-25-2008, 12:17 AM

I didn't even think it was possible to get visitation without a permanent address. That makes absolutely no sense. Would a judge let their own child go visit someone for six weeks without a legal address or way to contact via telephone?

If he's lying about where he lives the court needs to know that. The whole situation is very convoluted and suspicious sounding.