I need a vacation before I break!

**leighcat** · 05-05-2010, 05:34 PM

Ugh, being a single parent sucks. Its worse in a way that their dad is SO involved. He signs them up for stuff and I get stuck taking them. Not that I don't want to, but I don't have much time. I feel like I am stretched to the point of breaking.
I feel so depressed because I can never relax. I don't even have TIME to go to a councelor, nevermind the money it would cost. It would just be one more burden for me to have to carry. As it is, I have 4 different specialists my doctor wants me to see and I can barely find the time to go to see them. The co-pays also add up quickly. My dr wants me to have an endoscopy and colonoscopy, as if I have time for them! I need new glasses, don't have enough time to see an eye doctor. I am just SO frustrated. I get one day off a week and every other weekend. I don't have a job where I can just take time to sit and make necessary phone calls.
I am lonely. I have no life at all for myself. I hate my job. I try to start hobbies but have no time for them. I just wish I could run away from home sometimes. I am trying to save up my paid time off so I can take a vacation from work for a week to chill out.
I just needed to vent. I am sure there are a lot of single moms that feel the same way I do.

**lisaflex** · 05-05-2010, 06:43 PM

i wish you luck. i admire single moms. doing it all. i can only imagine (no, i really cant) the stress of it all. keep going! i wish i had avice to offer, but truthfully, i dont. i hope you get a needed break soon though! take care of yourself

**nodmicks** · 05-05-2010, 07:02 PM

I'm not a single mom but sure am awed by those moms just like you. Big hugs!!!

**shoiji** · 05-05-2010, 07:22 PM

I am sorry you are feeling so drained. Is there any way you can tell your ex that he has to start picking up the slack so you can get the doctors appointments taken care of? Is he even involved with taking them places. I don't see why you couldn't say I can take them to xy and z. Anything else is up to you. Or tell him to stop signing them up for things if you are not going to take them.

You are only one person and there are only so many things you can do. Your health is very important and needs to be looked after. Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing. Vent all you want. You know at fv there are always people here to support you.

**Palooka** · 05-05-2010, 08:06 PM

Agree with Shoiji and I know all about having one parent sign the kids up for something and expecting the other parent to be able to drive them here and there with not much notice. Please take time out for yourself.

**leighcat** · 05-05-2010, 09:10 PM

Thanks everyone.

I need to have a talk with my ex and let him know that I will have some appointments coming up. He does try to help, but I don't think he realizes how hectic my day really is. He takes for granted having a mom that helps him and a very different work environment than I have. I need to better manage my time and get more organized.

**Liane** · 05-05-2010, 09:24 PM

I was a single Mother for seven years. It was not easy. My biggest problem was getting help. People in my family would promise to help me with child care and then when I needed them they couldn't be bothered. Even though I could watch all of my sisters children they were never there for me. Super frustrating. Check out church support groups. You don't have to be affiliated with the churches and they are usually free. Or check out hospitals that offer support groups as they are also usually free. I also agree to talk to your ex and have him provide transportation for the things he signs the kids up for or talk to you prior to signing the kids up for anything. Try to find daily things that make you smile. Lately I have seen a bird gathering dry grass to makes its nest. So cute a bird with a mouthful. Sometimes it is the little things that save your sanity. Also try to laugh as much as you can because it makes you feel so much better. Good luck and if you ever need to vent you know where to find me

**mek42** · 05-05-2010, 10:06 PM

Thank you for trusting us enough to vent with us. Translation: I haven't a clue what to say or how to help, but I care and wish things were different for you.

**frugalfranny** · 05-06-2010, 01:28 AM

Originally Posted by shoiji

Is he even involved with taking them places. I don't see why you couldn't say I can take them to xy and z. Anything else is up to you. Or tell him to stop signing them up for things if you are not going to take them.

I was a single parent and so totally agree with the above.

You have got to step up and stop him from signing them up.....if that is his way of helping. Let him know how you feel.

And if you need a break, from the kids, on the day you are off is there some sort of place in town that allows parents to do that? Just to get a break We have one. Ours is called a crisis nursery...........but they will take them ---for free-- while you get a break. Look for one in your area.

**leighcat** · 05-06-2010, 01:04 PM

Well, I feel a little bit better. I got one important thing done that needed to be done. Tonight I am going to try to write a list of things I need to do and then I can check them off as they get done. I have to go run a couple more errands before going to a tea party with dd at her school for mothers' day.

I am also going to talk to the kids tonight about doing more around the house to help out. They are certaily big enough to do some chores!

**Jessesbride** · 05-14-2010, 01:01 AM

Looks like you have gotten quite a bit of good advise here! I was a single parent for almost 10 years. These are my tips...

Learn to say no & stick to your guns. If their father signs them up for something, he either takes them or they don't get to go (might sound mean, but really, it's not worth your sanity). B/c he's the 1 signing them up he gets to feel like "the good guy" for not saying "no." While you on the other side gets to be the "slave" not a good combo.

Make a list of items to do. then, do the 3 most important to you to do that day. or the top 2.. or top 1. you get the picture. Make sure that you get 15 minutes (MINIMUM, preferably 30 min) per day to have some "off time" believe me when I say it's worth it for your sanity.

Have certain "Jobs" for your children to contribute as a family member. no you don't have to pay them, kids the world over have done this for centuries & it hasn't harmed them in any way.

Remind yourself that you also need FAMILY time. That means 1 night per week (at least) that you eat dinner together, play together, watch movies or play game, but whatever just hang together. It can be the same night each week or it can be different depending on the week.

You don't OWE ANYONE to do whatever someone else decides that you should do. This is your life. Yes, our kids are important, but more than anything else, they need YOU! Your time, your energy, & your support. & it's important that you are not insane or exhausted everytime you are around them. It's more than ok to not have a million things going on.

& breathe! Take a deep breathe, then take about 20 more. All will be ok, you will look back & realize that being involved with XYZ isn't as important as being SANE... ALL OF YOU! & if you're worn out, the kids usually are too!

Hope this helps...

Kim

**frugal is fun** · 05-25-2010, 02:19 PM

I'm a single mom of one 5yr old boy and I find it very demanding at times. Thankfully I have a great relationship with my ex and we try to help each other out as much as possible.

We sort of agreed that I don't sign my son up for things on my "ex's time" and he doesn't sign him up for things on my time. This goes for after school activites, birthday parties, family events etc.

I know my relationship with my ex is an unsual one as we never fight about anything and look for ways to help each other which in the end really helps our son.

Good luck!