husband and I divorcing

**patra** · 10-04-2010, 07:06 AM

we've been married thirteen years together for nearly twenty, my whole adult life...It is a mutual( for the most part) decision, although I asked him to give me another chance( and time for my medicine to really work and myself become stable, which now I am close to but it is too late.)He wanted out and I gave him the out when I suggested a trial separation.He pushed for divorce and after awhile I concurred.I feel he is sort of in an early mid-life crisis, he has told me he is lost and broken and his heart has been dead for a year.Which I don't accept.The heart bit I meant everything else makes sense....He is doing things that are out of character as well, for example he plans on going hunting with his boss , and he has never done this.But I digress...the point is that I am soon to be a single mom,with two little ones my son being a special needs child on a feeding tube .I am going to apply for SSI for he and myself( I am schizo affective.)I can't believe this is where I am now.I got approved for food stamps for almost 200 a month which should increase when the divorce is final, when that will be i don't know, but we will go though mediation.We are friends and are not fighting anymore,, but i will miss us as a nuclear family. I miss our former relationship when it was good and have been grieving and mourning its loss. Now we still have to remain a united party with our children even though we will split, we will be in each others lives always as the children are our priority. I am no longer tearful and sad, but hopeful for my own future..Am doing the things I love again like painting, reading, yoga and tai chi. I love my kids and their love will see me through the hardship. I plan on heading back to school in a couple years for massage therapy, hopefully through VESID, I do not want to be a welfare mom for the rest of my time here. Not that there is anything wrong with accepting help from social services, as medicaid has saved us a few times, but I want better for myself and my kids. Not more just better...I don't want to struggle so much we have always been poor in material things...But my faith in myself and God will get us through this..thanks for the forum to vent in...

patty

**Dancing Lotus** · 10-04-2010, 07:34 AM

I am very sorry to hear this but I think you will be just fine.
A month ago I thought my marriage was over, and for a few days I was sick about it. Suddenly I realized that I had to choose wither this was going to be about the ending of something or about the begging of a new journey. Every new beginning began with a beginnings ending.

Take control of your own life and let him worry about his. Stay friends and the kids will be just fine. Believe in the power within yourself. Best wishes, Namaste

**krbshappy71** · 10-04-2010, 10:43 AM

I'm sorry to hear this. Hugs to every one of you.

**jas** · 10-04-2010, 12:00 PM

hugs to you.

**Jenny WC** · 10-04-2010, 02:04 PM

**Hugs to you**

**Imarachne** · 10-04-2010, 07:11 PM

Sorry you are dealing with this--"That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger" or something like that. Good luck !!

**Momto5RN** · 10-04-2010, 07:37 PM

so sorry

**patra** · 10-04-2010, 09:06 PM

thank you to all...i will get through this.

patty

**3tomboys** · 10-04-2010, 09:47 PM

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Hugs to you.

**frugalfranny** · 10-04-2010, 10:48 PM

So sorry you are going through this. You sound strong and I am sure, with time, you will get through it and come out even stronger!

Take good care of yourself during this stressful time.

**LynnLC** · 10-04-2010, 10:51 PM

Hugs... Take some time and be good to yourself.

**Palooka** · 10-05-2010, 01:03 AM

Hugs and I think everything will be fine.

**cab54** · 10-05-2010, 12:47 PM

Sorry life has taken this turn for you. Keep coming here for support. HUGS.

**rissimo** · 10-15-2010, 09:28 AM

So sorry to hear this. What doesn't break us only makes us stronger. Don't let this break you. You have a whole new life opening up to you. You have so many people here to support you during this time, take advantage of it when you need to talk. Good luck to you and big hugs to you.

**patra** · 10-15-2010, 01:32 PM

thanks so much everyone....I haven't been on the site as often as I would like, my little guys requires a lot of attention!But every so often I sneak away to my computer...My husband wants to do a quickie no fault divorce, we claim that we have been having our problems for six months( swear under oath in fact, fine thing since it is the truth.)now that it is available in NY.I was hoping in my heart of hearts we would reconcile but I accept it now that it is over.We are friends and treat each other as such, so an amicable split should follow.The children however miss him terribly and are as yet unaware of this occurring.I will do some more research on no fault divorce, but it should be ok.again ty everyone-

patty