hello all, single mom to be!

[carolyns]

hello everyone. as some of you may know, my husband and i are in the process of seperating. it has been especially terrible the last couple of days and i am just looking forward to getting out of here. i am just biding my time until the house is sold and i have enough money saved up. any pointers on how to handle this time? thanks, i'm looking forward to hearing from you all. Daisygirl, i have been following your posts and think you are an inspiration for me. i would love it if i could pm you during the worst times. could i do this? thanks everyone!

[Daisygirl]

Carolyns I would love to hear from you! Anytime. Thank you for the compliment.

I think the end, after you have decided to split, is even worse than when you are simply fighting. All you want to do is start on your new life, so you totally resent everything he does. My only suggestion here is to focus on the future, plot and plan, and stay out of each other's way. My ex and I fought horribly during this time (not that it was a bed of roses before, but this is a very clear memory.)

This part will all be over and you will be on a new path soon. One thing that may make you giggle. Before we split up we owned a store together that had a lot of home decor items. One day a lady came in and bought every leopard print item in the entire store -pillows, swags, placemats - the whole 9 yards. I said, "Wow, you must really love leopard print." She responded, "I like it, but my soon to be ex husband hates it. For 10 years I have not been able to have anything leopard print in my home, so now that he is out, the leopard print is in."

At the time I thought that was kind of funny, but I remembered it later when I was in the same situation. When I left my ex, I decorated my entire house in pink and white shabby chic stuff and got a cat, both of which he detested. It's the little things that brighten your day, lol.

So my suggestion here is this: think of something that he hates that you love and start plotting and planning a way to bring it inot your new home. Start looking for bargains and putting them away and when you are on your own and you unpack this stuff, trust me, it will make you feel the place is your own.

[tigo]

I am in the process of seperating/divorcing too. We are in the same boat with a house to sell. The only thing we could agree on was to be completely civil/formal when the children are present. With my soon to be ex he always wants to play the blame game. To me, it isn't worth it to even go there so I just give him a completely blank stare when he starts it. I am lucky in that I was able to get an apartment while this is going on. Is it possible for each of you to have your own "space"? It is important to have a place you can go when things get to be too much. Do you have girlfriends (other than us of course) to talk to regularly? Lastly, I would make sure you make time for just you even if it is just locking the door to take a bath.

[booboo44]

i have been divorced for 12 yrs now and been on my own just my daughter is with me now she is 15 and my son he is married now but he was with me and i went though some rough times with the ex but now we seem to get along ok but we do it for our daughter but i am not mad any more it took me along time to let go of the anger but it is still there but i dont let it run my life he was the one that causes it but as time goes it does get better, wehave had some real lean times and money has always been tight but beong frugal has really helped we seem to always have what we need but to all you ladies that are in the beginning of the divorce i know it sucks but with time it does get better

[FrugalMomof3]

Carolyns, I am sorry you are going through this and although I am currently married I HAVE been where you are now so if you ever want to talk I am here for ya.

[homemaker66]

I am to a divorced/remarried mother of three children. When I had enough of my marriage I just figured I would make it smooth as possible because of the kids. I just saved some money for a month or two and left with that in hand (oh the kids went with me also). To me it was not the worth of fights and stress over our house. One thing that I kept in mind also that house was my childrens home also and when they needed to go see their father they would have a nice place to go to. I left everything except for a few things to get me started. I pre bought used items to furnish my home with got ourselves a nice appartment and off we went. My ex and I never fought in front of the kids so the they never got stuck in the middle. Now we get along better then when we were together. When the kids had a school event we would sit together because it was the best thing to do for the kids. My husband now supports us 100% if not I would not have married him. So sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles for your own health reasons and for the children sake. I am not saying for you to walk away from your home but just pick and choose your battles just take a time out when needed. Wishing you all of the luck.

[emily_hope]

Sorry you are having all this turmoil going on. I, too, have been where you are right now and it is not a pleasant place. I wish you lots of luck in your new journey.