In Desperate Need Of Stink Eye!!

[autumnlynn]

I got a certified letter today from the Clerk of Courts Office. My ex's attorney filed a motion for Suspension of Support since my ex's teaching contract was not renewed. He doesn't want money accruing in arrears while he is supposedly not working. He is doing some work under the table as I've been told.

I called my attorney and he said he was drawing up papers to serve on him.
He said first he was going to file a charge of Contempt of Court since he has not made regular payments on the original support order as set out by the court. He is demanding that the arrears be paid within the next ninety days or that he should be incarcerated for non-compliance of the court order. (I took this to mean dead beat dad). He also requested that the amount of support be doubled as he has been paying a ridiculously low amount of support. He also requested a court hearing.

I really don't know what to do. I don't want my ex put in jail because I am afraid everyone would blame me and hate me. I just don't know what to do.

[frugalfarmwife]

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!! If he ends up in jail it's his on dang fault for being so irresponsible!!!!!! Go along with your attorneys advice and hold your head high! He got himself into this situation and it's time he GREW UP and gets himself out!!

If he ends up in jail you didn't do it! He did it to himself!

My neighbor was married to an ijit like that, grrrrrrr, it's really hard for me to be nice to him when he comes to pick up thier kids for visitation, I can't tolerate ijits!! And yes, lol, he gets the stink eye behind his back 2x a week when he picks the kids up!!!



There ya go, stink eye aimed at the X!

And hugs to you, you're the strong one for your kids, hold your head up and be proud!

kj

[miss_thrifty]

I agree with frugalfarmwife. Stick to your guns, do what your lawyer says. Done let him make u feel guilty for something he should od taken seriously. Having kids and not taking care of them financialy id terrible. if he can, he should, he needs to GROW UP!!! And u cant change anything about that, he probably wont grow up, but u need to do whats best for your family. Dont worry about what others think, follow through.
U Go Girl!!!!

[kabin63]

There goes that stink eye again...LOL

It's not your fault Autumn. My DSD has this issue with baby's father, who is, I might add, $4000.00 in the hole on child support. She is taking him to court and he is none too happy, with threats, etc...., i hate that these guys know how to get a girl pregnant, but can't seem to understand they are responsible for supporting their offspring.

[LastDragonfly]

Stick to your guns. It is not your fault that he has chosen this path! The law is the law and he has failed to uphold his responsibility.

Dang! I wish we could bottle that stink eye stuff! hee hee

Lookout the Villagers are on the Loose!

[frugalfarmwife]

Ya know, even more than the stink eye he just needs a good ol horse whuppin!! Send him my way and I'll be sure he gets it!!



kj

[Daisygirl]

I'm tellin' you honey, this stink eye thing WORKS!!!!

You know what? You are not married to him. That means you are in no way, shape or form responsible for your ex-idiot's actions (if you are looking for diplomacy towards the ex I am the wrong chick, lol).

I would be absolutely delighted if my ex ended up in jail and out of my hair. Anyone that thinks I am terrible for that did not live with the big jerk, nor have they had to support two children alone without his assistance for the mere fact that he is lazy.

Go for it! All the way! Best of luck, and I am aiming my stink eye, too.

[autumnlynn]

Thanks, everyone. This has made me feel better. I am a real softy in case you haven't noticed. I don't like to get anyone in trouble. My attorney said he did it to himself, because he was the one that brought action against me to suspend payments. He said when we had the hearing that the judge would review the file and see that he was not complying and that he would have found him in contempt of the order any way. He said this might knock some sense into him before we go to court.

My ex has three brothers and a sister and his parents who I know will hassle me unrelentously if he gets put in jail. Then when the kids are older, they will probably tell them I had their father put in jail. That's what is really bothering me. I don't want to end up being the bad guy in all this.

And yes, it has really been hard trying to care for a family by myself. I have a very dear friend to help me care for the kids when I go to the office and luckily I can do a lot of work from home on the computer.

Awhile back my ex told me that he just wanted to start fresh and have a new life and new family. I asked him what about us!! He really did say that to me.

[frugalfarmwife]

You know what hun, they're NOT your family anymore, he's depriving your children, HIS CHILDREN of a father, financial support, stability and MUCH MORE! You're not sending him to jail, he's breaking the LAW and sending himself to jail if he goes! It's no fair, he does NOT get a "do-over", he made this bed and he should lie in it! You're the one being an adult and providing stability for the children.


And I'll tell you what that "start a new life and new family" comment would have gotten his teeth knocked down his throat here!

BTW, if I remember right he cheated right? Just remember, if they cheat with you they'll cheat on you, he'll do the same thing to her! I hope she's got him on a short leash and MISERABLE, he deserves it!

Yep, pretty opinionated but I can't STAND when someone walks out on their family/kids!

No, I don't have children but I did have a major idiot for a first husband and I also had a dad that just didn't want a family anymore so I have no tolerance at all for this kind of behaviour!

I'm so glad you have a good friend for support, is your family also nearby? You need all the support you can get right now.

kj

[starsapphire]

Originally Posted by autumnlynn

My ex has three brothers and a sister and his parents who I know will hassle me unrelentously if he gets put in jail. Then when the kids are older, they will probably tell them I had their father put in jail. That's what is really bothering me. I don't want to end up being the bad guy in all this.

YOU know what the truth is. And you will tell your children the truth in your own way at an appropriate time. It DOES NOT MATTER what others think. When I left my first husband 11 years ago, he was so mad he was talking trash to everyone who would listen, telling all kinds of lies to get back at me. What I did was hold my head up high, and tell people that there are two sides to every story. And left it at that. I did not go around explaining myself. Actions speak louder than words, and my family and TRUE friends knew the truth without me having to say anything. It was not easy.

Stick to your guns, walk through this with grace, dignity and don't worry what the others are thinking or saying, knowing that you are doing the right thing. You can do this

[autumnlynn]

Thanks, I am feeling a little better about this. It really is his own fault.

Yes, KJ, he did cheat on me. I didn't know it until after he left. Our divorce was final in March and he remarried in April. That was such a slap in the face, but I got over it pretty quick. I just don't understand how anyone could walk out on their family and leave them to fend for themselves. I could never stand to be separated from my children.

No, I have no family out here, but I do have friends. They've all been escatic that we're divorced. They could see through to the person he really is. I was blinded for a long time.

You know, and I am sure Karen can relate to this, I just want to get on with my life and have him leave me alone. I NEVER call him or get in contact with him, but he's always bugging me. It's always something with him. He's always got a sad story of how hard things are for him to tell to anyone who will listen. I don't want this stuff in my life. I'm happy now and I have plans and goals and I just want left alone.

[Daisygirl]

Yes, Autumn, I can totally relate. 99% of the drama in my life comes from my ex. You know, if he cheated on you he will cheat on her. My ex seems to think our kids are idiots - he and his live-in were celebrating being together for 4 years the other day - ummmmm, we have only been apart for THREE. The tragic thing is, he is cheating on her - we live in a very small town and I have seen him myslef out with other women, as well as having friends tell me about seeing him out with other women. I am sure that your ex is the same type of man (and I use that term loosely.)

As for me, I have finally drawn my line in the sand. I have always been the type to argue a point for a minute or two and then just say, "OK, fine, whatever, I don't want to fight about it." Well, they learn that if they push and push you will just give in. It is time for you to fight back, and as ugly as it may be, you must do it. It is horribly stressful, but I have to think that if we hold firm this time, maybe it will be the last time they bug us. Sound good to you?

If you are strong enough to have made it on your own with your kids all this time, you are strong enough to stand up to him, his family and his man-stealing wife! YOU have the moral fortitude to do whats right, and use that as your strength - those people are all talk and all about inducing guilt. YOU GO GIRL!!!!

[kabin63]

You know Autumn? It almost sounds like he is looking for your approval and he know's how sympathetic you are, so he plays on your guilt. I agree with the others, don't let up on him, he made his bed, he can lie in it too. And he will cheat on her too. His lack of character doesn't have to reflect on the kids. In time they will come to see what Dad did was wrong and be able to form their own opinions about it. My Dad cheated, but didn't go so far as to leave his family, but I still questioned him about it when I was grown and married. He didn't really know how to respond for his indiscretions. BTW, my mom ended up tossing him out on his ear. Later she remarried a man that treats her like gold.
Hold your head high, you don't answer to his family for anything. Who cares what they think? Actions DO SPEAK louder than words and if they enable him to be an idiot and not hold him accountable for his own actions then the fault lies with them. BTW, this is one of my soap box type issues , because I know what my Dad put my mom through.
Best Wishes and keep us posted. We're here to support you through this.

[frugalfarmwife]

My neighbor went through the same thing with her X, ends up he'd cheated a LOT through the years, finally left her for the last one he cheated with. Funny thing, when they went to finalize the divorce it was learned that he'd had a checking account with the new woman for 3 months before he left his wife, the judge RAKED him over the coals, lol, spousal support, child support and gave her EVERYTHING!

My neighbor was sympathetic for the longest time but I've given her MANY pep talks, lol, she now has NO sympathy for him and is taking care of herself and her kids.

The X? He looks like CRAP and is MISERABLE, LOL. He's living with the new woman AND her mom, they've got such a tight leash on him he can't even look at another woman. He's so cash strapped he can't afford to fix his vehicle, he's drinking all the time and just plain nasty. He can't afford to move out or move on with his life and he did it to HIMSELF!

Turn to your friends, turn to us here, we KNOW you're the adult in all this and the GOOD PARENT!

BTW, we also spend a lot of time with the oldest son, he LOVES working with my husband and learning, the second son is going to be a pill, he's a LOT like his dad.

Hugs friend,
kj

[Lady_V]

Autumn, all I can say is "Karma" .. what goes around comes around. He cheated on you, he married the woman he cheated with and I can damn well bet that she knew he was married... so, what's that say about HER character? Who knows.. maybe the cheater will become the cheatee in that relationship (could also explain why he is so insecure and miserable that he has to go running back to you about everything--)
As far as the child support... what part of Court Ordered did he NOT understand? If you are court ordered to pay a speeding ticket you know you have to pay it...you don't, you go to jail. Law is law... he didn't wake up one day and find out he had children and have to help support them. During my 'Big D' my ex said that if he quits his job, he won't have to pay support (only child to VERY wealthy parents). He was an idiot.. and he was also floored to hear the judge say "You do that and you are going to jail for contempt" KARMA BABY!!! It was OUR judge walking down the hallway who happened to overhear him. When we walked in to the courtroom to present the final agreements, the judge made sure to lean forward and pronounce clearly that if he is for whatever reason to become unemployed he is to report to the probation department immediately for contingency arrangements (IE: go on 5 job interviews a week and have the person who interviewed him sign the paperwork and explain why he wasn't hired...) all the more reason to NOT quit!!!!
As far as the kids are concerned regarding the "You put daddy in jail"... YOU didn't.. his actions did. He knew the law and chose to break it, therefor accepting the responsibilities and punishment for his actions (or non-actions). Technically, you didn't put him in jail, the county sheriff did. He rose awareness as to his contempt by filing the paperwork to try to get out of paying further support.
I think Karen was the one who said there are always two sides to divorce/story... sorry Karen but I disagree, I think there is his side, her side and the truth. Don't feel as if you have to defend yourself when it comes to your image with your children. They are your kids, they may not understand now, but there will come a time they will. They will get older, more educated and will realize the truth of the story.
I could sit and go on and on (combination of being a long-winded Italian and far too long of a sabbatical from law school )
He calls to whine, tell him to call his mom... he calls to say he is miserable, tell him to talk to his wife. He is not your responsibility, he is married and a grown individual. If he is a teacher, I would assume he is educated. Tell him the phone calls are to be about the children only. If he wants to talk about anything other than your children's health, education, well-being... tell him you are busy having a life and smile as you hang up!