need some SAHM support please!!

[Momto5RN]

just as a teachers job isn't just the school hours a nurses 12 hrs is not usually just 12 hours at least not if you are in the profession for the right reasons.

i use to do 12 hour night shifts and had to quit after a year or so - i had 2 young kids and it was just too much stress on my body and mind .

you are expected to show up at least 15 min before your shift and stay at least 15 min afterward . this i can stretch to an hour if a pt is having issues at report time .
starts so now you have at least 12.5 hours. if you get out on time ....( which was a rarity when i worked)

if you are lucky you get a break for dinner/ some sort of meal if not you are lucky to get a pee break .

you usually have to prep yourself mentally to go in and de prep yourself when you get home and on the days you are home the pts you took care of are often still in your thoughts as are their families etc when its a especially sad case.

you often cant just walk in the door and say here i am family.... sometimes depending on what the patients you took care of had wrong ... you dint even want to go near your family until you have showered and got out of your clothes .

and while i have all the respect in the world for teachers molding the minds and impact on the lives of our children and the stressors in that field, the stresses nurses deal with are immediate action live and death situations -.


i did what the OP is talking about - went per deim paid into insurance and my dh changed his career a bit and got a insured position.

then i was able to work per deim with less worries and more attention to my family .

even with the shortage at the time though i started to get canceled alot and had to look for another position .

OP by the time you pay insurance you may be working close to FT anyway and dint forget per deim has no guarantee time- you get no paid time off and no paid sick time .

[frugal is fun]

I think I am just so frustrated with myself for doing a poor job of balancing everything, that I am willing to throw in the towel and say "the heck with the money, life's too short." But income is a necessary evil...

I know this is tempting but PLEASE PLEASE don't do this!! My EX boyfriend did this, literally, just got so fed up and stop paying everything! and it was not pretty! Three years later and it still isn't pretty and hence he is my EX boyfriend.

Its more than giving up luxuries, its about surviving and paying your bills on time and being able to support your family and pay for your basic needs.

how about selling the car and downsizing? What else can you sell? Not sure if you mentioned your living conditions but really, if you want to do this as badly as you seem, downsize, get a cheaper mortgage, get a cheaper rent.

I would really really put some kind of a plan in place before you do this.

[Lorelei]

I want to second the comments to do the math and make a plan. You'll find that having a plan in place that you are making progress on will help reduce your stress level. You've made a good start by looking at high-deductible insurance policy costs and other income possiblilities. Good luck to you and your family.

[dancemommy]

Well, honestly, I would (and have) done almost anything to be able to be a SAHM. It was important to both my husband and I that I be home with our kids so we have made a lot of sacrifices to do so, so I totally understand what you are coming from. That being said, cutting your income can also be stressful so if I were you, I'd look at a way to cut hours down, but still have some income- the best of both worlds. Can you work like one weekend a month or something? Enough to keep your toes in- it'll help you later if you want to jump back into the job market later. Another thing, and this is something I NEVER thought would be true when I had LITTLE kids....I swear- your kids need you home almost MORE when they are older than when they are little. I know that sounds so backwards, but as a parent of kids ages 6-15 I am finding that my older kids need me home so much more- and their friends who have dual income parents are struggling a little more. Between sports, school, friends, etc it has become apparent that they NEED me home now more than ever. Just something to think about.

[cab54]

Well, honestly, I would (and have) done almost anything to be able to be a SAHM. It was important to both my husband and I that I be home with our kids so we have made a lot of sacrifices to do so, so I totally understand what you are coming from. That being said, cutting your income can also be stressful so if I were you, I'd look at a way to cut hours down, but still have some income- the best of both worlds. Can you work like one weekend a month or something? Enough to keep your toes in- it'll help you later if you want to jump back into the job market later. Another thing, and this is something I NEVER thought would be true when I had LITTLE kids....I swear- your kids need you home almost MORE when they are older than when they are little. I know that sounds so backwards, but as a parent of kids ages 6-15 I am finding that my older kids need me home so much more- and their friends who have dual income parents are struggling a little more. Between sports, school, friends, etc it has become apparent that they NEED me home now more than ever. Just something to think about.

Also, When my sons were teens, I read somewhere that the most teen pregnancies happen between the hours of 3pm and 6pm---after school, but before the parents are home.

Knowing that reinforced my feelings that home was right where I needed to be when they were older kids. I think (even if they look like you're the LAST person they want to see, and scowl at you most of the time) they really do like having someone home to say "Hi, kiddo, how was your day?"

[indigo53]

I'm a nurse too, and for those who think it's an easy job, need to think again! I work ICU and, trust me, having someone's life in your hands is pretty serious. Plus, with staff cutbacks, you run your a** off. 36 hours is only 4 hours away from the regular workweek. Anyway, I don't know what kind of setup your hospital has for per diem but mine allows us to work as small as 4hour increments. This works only if you're fairly close to work. Otherwise, it's not worth the travel. What about an 8 hour night shift on the nights before the kids are at preschool/school?. I used to come home the next morning, get my daughter off to school then go to bed. I was off the next few nights. Per diem sounds like your best bet depending how much your employer will work with you.

[quikroxy85]

i'm sorry but I'm going to give you a smack in the head. you work three days a week. you have 4 days a week off. how hard can it be? geez.

i do mean this in all kindness. teachers work 5 12 hour days a week and weekends. i do work 12 hour days so i know what that feels like.

i think you are just trying to justify being a stay at home mom.

argue back.

I am not the OP, but I am a Nurse and unless you've been there, don't knock it. I work 5-7 days a week in an office (probably more comparable to your work as a teacher in classroom than the OP), but when I worked 3-12 hour shifts/week in the hospital, I was the MOST exhausted I have ever been.
Even with those "four days off" as you obviously think of as a luxury, you are trying to play catch-up on NO sleep, sitting and having to PHYSICALLY work very hard. You are transferring patients (sometimes, they are very large), and it is hard, physical work.

I see what you are getting at with the "luxury" of having four days off, but I get more time to myself NOW, working 7 days a week (10 hour days) than I did working in the hospital 3 days a week.

[mama2James]

I should update this thread lol... I ended up being offered an office job with four 9 hour shifts per week. I work 7:30-5. Being able to be home to make dinner every night has been such a nice change. I also don't have to work weekends anymore, which gives us more family time. Since I am out of work early enough to pick the kids up from daycare, that has taken the pressure off on the days that DH has to work late unexpectedly. Overall, it has been a good switch. Thanks for all the input, and especially to those who defended how stressful and exhausting a 12 hr shift as a nurse really is!