Working to become a stay at home wife/mother!
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  1. #1
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    Default Working to become a stay at home wife/mother!

    Well I'm new to this site and I am trying to become a stay at home mom/wife. I'm looking for advice anyone may have. My husband and I work full time now and I have a 7 year old stepson. We have decided when we have another child I will stay at home. I am looking for all advice on how to make that happen. I know other people have probably had the same requests! I am willing for all advice!!!!

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    I would suggest practice living on just his income for a few months to see how it goes. If you run short, see where your money is going. Pay off your credit cards, drive paid-for cars (our van is a 2001 and husband's car is a 2003 - both paid for), redo your grocery budget and limit yourself to what ever you think your family can do....basically make a budget that you can live off of with one income comfortably. I learned to live with less (fewer new clothes, no new cars) and learned to shop for the best deal.

    The sacrifices were all worth it. It was such a blessing to be able to be home with my babies (now 15 & 11!). I would not have traded it for the world!

  3. #3
    Registered User MissSeetonFan's Avatar
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    Also, be thinking about what you would do at home. Boredom, resentment and loneliness are distinct problems that can come up when switching from working to staying at home, no matter who is doing the switch.

    When you are used to working, having "nothing" to fill the time can make you a little antsy. I put it in quotes because you can start feeling a bit resentful after a while of being home and available for all the dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, etc. If you already do it, then you will find that you have plenty of empty time to fill, even with another child to care for. If you share the work load, you may feel or your husband may feel that you should take a greater share of the housekeeping. That can cause some resentment or guilt. Get some of those things talked out now.

    Find activities, hobbies or something you could do for those spare times that will come up. Think about how to include those in the single income budget. Find some neighborhood or community groups that may get together to help overcome some of the loneliness that can set in when you don't get adult interaction daily like you can have at work.
    MissSeetonFan

  4. #4
    Registered User Spirit Deer's Avatar
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    What are you willing and able to do to save money because you're always home? Are you willing to grow a garden and can the food from it? Mend or make your family's clothing where it makes financial sense to do so? Routinely shop secondhand? Cut back drastically? Teach yourself new skills?

    When I was home with our eight kids, I sewed most of their clothes (sewing was cheaper then and ready-mades were more expensive). I made household items like curtains and bedspreads. I cooked from scratch. I baked. I shopped the day-old bread stores. I bought from the farmers market and made pickles and canned tomatoes. I repaired the washer and dryer myself. I painted. I built our swimming pool and the deck to go with it. I put the kids to work and together we built a wood fence. I gutted our main bathroom to the studs and completely rebuilt it myself. Etc. There was very little I wasn't willing to tackle. I saved us thousands of dollars every year, learned a lot, accomplished a lot, and still was there for the kids. I like to think my willingness to try things I'd never done before and work my way through problems that came up in my projects set a good example for our kids while I was at it.

    Are there changes your husband is willing to make too? Is he willing to carry his lunch or carpool with someone or use mass transit to save money? Can you eat out less as a couple or cut back on expensive events you may want to attend? Are you willing to start doing camping vacations in your home state instead of flying to Hawaii every Christmas? (Kidding, but you get my point I hope.) Discuss as a couple what you're willing to do to make this happen, and make sure it isn't just one of you giving up everything.

    It's well worth staying home with your kids if you can swing it. Good luck. I think it's a great idea to try living on one income for a while and see how it goes.
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    I did this too and am not sorry for a minute that I did it. We were also paying our own health ins. We did not go out to eat much, we did not go on vacations except a couple of day ones, I did not wear name brand clothes and neither did my sons. We did not have cable and we have a very inexpensive cell phone plan. I bought clothes for my family out of season.
    I also agree would be a good idea to live on one income; see how it works out.
    I worked full time until I had my first son and can honestly say I was never bored for a minute!!!
    If this is what you really want you will find a way to do it. Good luck to you!!!

  6. #6
    Registered User Menifeemom's Avatar
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    I would go over the budget to see where you can cut back. Insurance will usually give you a discount if you are staying home and not driving as much. You can also research ways to be frugal and decide which ideas sound like things you would like to do to cut back costs. For example I choose to hang laundry, cook from scratch, and combine trips when I do drive to keep our gas budget lower. I also shop for bargains at thrift stores and get the lose leaders at various stores to stay under my grocery budget. I have also babysat to earn money while I was at home and that worked out very well for us. Good luck and enjoy!!

  7. #7
    Registered User Spirit Deer's Avatar
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    You might also consider if there are things you hire others to do now that you might be willing to do yourselves. Do you have your oil changed and can you do that yourselves? (Although we recently started having ours done by our mechanic, because it's not much more expensive and they do a diagnostic check on the cars.) Do you hire snow shoveling or lawn mowing and are you willing to do those things? Take a look at anything and everything you pay others to do and decide if you can do them yourselves and if it's worthwhile to do it yourself.

    If you think of things you might be willing to try doing yourself, then start now to learn any new skills you may need. Some things sound good on paper and aren't so easy in reality. Pick one new skill per week to try and see how it goes. If you don't cook much, go to the library and get some easy beginner cookbooks, and start trying new things. Learn to bake from scratch now, if you don't. Pick up a sewing machine for mending or altering your own items and start practicing.

    If you're planning to do things like hang laundry outside but don't have clotheslines, then get those set up now.

    If you don't have a good, basic set of tools to do small household tasks, then start collecting them. For things that will be used over and over for years, spend the extra bucks and buy good quality. It's much, much easier to do a job if you have good tools, and it helps keep the frustration down. It's also cheaper in the long run to buy one good tool that will last a lifetime instead of ten cheap ones you have to keep replacing when they break. Don't go overboard, but as you need a specific tool, buy it. Over time, you'll acquire a nice collection that will serve many purposes.

    Are there appliances that are on their last legs and will need to be replaced soon? If so, either replace them before you quit or set aside money for them that's untouchable for anything else. What about any expensive maintenance on your house, such as a new roof? It's impossible to cover every contingency, but if there are obvious upcoming expenses, try to get those taken care of while you still have extra income.

    Building things like a garden may be expensive, too. It may be as simple as renting a tiller for an afternoon and turning over a patch of your back yard, but maybe not. Research what you'll need in your area if you plan to garden. Where we live, fancy dirt isn't something that's nice to have, it's a necessity because the native soil is so poor. And it's expensive. If you also need to build raised beds or buy a tiller or build a fence to keep out the bunnies, that all needs to be planned for. If your soil is poor, you may want to look into container gardening at least to start with.

    If there are things you think you might want to do, check YouTube for a video that shows you how. The internet is an amazing resource so take advantage of it.

    In other words, prepare your physical space for staying at home. Things like building good clotheslines can cost money that you may not have after you quit working. At the least, you will want to spread the costs out so you don't find yourself having to come up with a lot all at once after you lose your income.
    Last edited by Spirit Deer; 12-14-2011 at 08:58 AM.
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  8. #8
    Registered User OOwl's Avatar
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    I'm "retiring" early in January to be a stay-at-home wife/mom to law school student living at home/caregiver to elderly family members, and the entire last year, we put my salary in savings and tried to live without it. That made it mimic what it would be like living on one salary. I will say that while we did pretty well, it was so tempting to dip into it when those inevitable "emergencies" arose ($700 AC repair [which is LIFE SUPPORT here in Texas, not a luxury], $888 car repair bill for non-covered repair on warrantied vehicle [didn't see that one coming; read the mouse type on contracts], and replacing a computer that died at only 2.5 years). Since you have some time before the birth of your next child, it would be a good idea to bank the second salary and see how everyone fares on the one salary. We found we COULD still do it, and my last day is January 15. Good luck with your new full-time career.
    Totally debt free since January 2011.
    Fully funded Emergency Fund complete December 12, 2011! Yeah!


  9. #9
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    check out this book:
    miserly moms; two income family living on one income

    helped me when i became a sahm 14 yrs ago.

  10. #10
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    If you’re worried about how the finances will work out once you quit your job to become an SAHM, then it’s probably a good idea to take stock of your income and outgo and see if you can maintain roughly the same standard of living as before. In my opinion, suddenly scaling down your lifestyle can be tough as you get used to living a certain way.

    Have you considered the possibility of working from home? You can either use your current skills to find a flexi job you can do from home for a few hours or start a new work at home career like medical transcription. Don’t worry about having to go back to school to learn the skills for this job as medical transcription training is available online from reputed schools like Career Step.

  11. #11
    Registered User cab54's Avatar
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    When my kids were little and I wanted to stay home, we did what a lot of people have mentioned. We put my paycheck in the bank and didn't touch it. We didn't even count the loss of money to daycare---we kept paying it out of his salary, because we knew that the extra would be golden!

    Do that for a few months, and if no one's starving or doing without essentials (LOL) you can put your notice in!

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