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Thread: Stay at home wife.
01-13-2012, 06:06 PM #1
Stay at home wife.
Good evening All,
I am 47 years old, married, no children, I have a good paying job which I ahve been doing for 25 years, my husband also has a very well paying job..I am blessed and very gratefull for all that we have.
My probelm is I have never enjoyed or like my job, I love being at home,taking care of my house and garden (weather permitting), I love to cook and bake, and enjoy carfts when I ahve time.
I have very little time for these things,by the time I get home and fix dinner and lunches for the day day ,its too late to do anything else.
My days start at 5.30 am.
I would love to hand my notice for my job, but I feel so selfish and dont want my husband to be 100% responsible for making all the money.
But I dont know how much longer I can continue with all this ,besides being exhausted,I am so unhappy, I just pretend to be happy, I dont want him to worry about me.
The happiest time for me was last year,when I have surgery,I was home for 4 weeks,it was the happiest I have felt in a long time, it was so nice to be at home.
I am really good with money, our house is paid off, no credit card bills,
no car payment...yep, I am very carefull with money.
This is all I think about, I day dream about being a stay at home wife,even when I was ayoung girl that is all I wanted to do, I could not have children due to medical problems , I think if I had kids then the decsion would be easier.
I dont want to come over as selfish,I know good jobs are hard to find, but I just need some advise,I just want to be happy.
- 01-13-2012, 06:28 PM #2
I completely understand...
I to work at a job that I do like on most days....i work with special needs children pre k age...and some days it is so rewarding but then there are other days where i get the heck beaten out of me and it is very stressful but i love them so much....but i would rather be home, i realized this over christmas break...loved being home with the hubby the kids the animals etc...Hubby worked the first 18 years of our marriage but he to became so unhappy with his job and it was causing severe health issues that i told him to just get done...his health meant more to me than him working so he did get done which meant i had to find a job..I was lucky to find one as quick as i did....Hubby now has back issues etc which was part of the problem when he was working but it has now started to deteriorate more and he is unable to work a 9 to 5 job so i have no choice...there are days i resent him not being able to work, feel like he is not as bad off as he portrays...but i quickly bring myself out of that.....it has caused severe financial problems for us and i was always dealing with the bills etc but this past year the robbing peter to pay paul has gotten to a point that it can no longer happen and we are sinking fast fast fast.... i try and not resent him but...I want to be the one to stay home and i can't.....so i guess the point i am making is it is completely normal to feel the way you do...if you can swing it and dh is on board stay home and do what you want to do...I dont have that choice....
01-13-2012, 06:39 PM #3
thank you so much for your reply,
I am sorry for your husbands back problems,that must be very stressfull for him and the family.
you sound like a very wonderful and strong lady, your husband and family are very lucky nad must be very proud of you.
reading your story howver make me feel very selfish, look at you working all hours in a stressful job, and you husband has medical problem, and I just want to quit a good job !!!
I am so conflicted at times, but I have saved so hard for 20 plus years (seriously at times ,before I was married ,I would eat for $15.00 a week!!!!, to this day I do not waste a bite of food).
I just feel guilty for wanting this.
thanks for listening xx
01-13-2012, 07:12 PM #4
you shouldnt feel guilty...
its just the way you feel....and there is nothing wrong with that....and like i said...if you can financially swing it then go for it...sometimes our sanity means more than money! haha...
01-13-2012, 07:20 PM #5
Most people work because they need to in order to pay the bills. You have already worked hard and sacrificed a lot to get those paid off. If there is no financial reason for you to keep working I think you should bring up to your husband how happy staying home will make you. I believe that working hard to stretch his pay and bringing happiness into the home is a job. If for any reason you have to get a fulltime job again in the future I'm sure you will, but it doesn't sound like there is any reason to feel guilty. You have worked hard to earn this.
01-13-2012, 07:23 PM #6
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I am a 45 and a stay at home wife. My husband works hard no we are not debt free nor do we own our home.. I feel guilty because I stay at home we do without a lot for me to do that. (this year we started taking care of his mother that is another story) I stayed at home for 11 years to take care of our 4 kids... I would do it again. I am meant to be a stay at home wife. It is hard work but for the most I am happy making my husband happy.
if u can afford stay home. take care of yourself and your hubby...God Bless u both
01-13-2012, 07:26 PM #7
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here's an alternative to your thought. have you ever thought of doing what you do part time? That way you'd still be contributing financially to the household, but would be able to focus on your home and gardening as you would like.It is what it is.
01-13-2012, 07:39 PM #8
thank you so much everyone for the kinds words.
There is no way my company would allow part time, I have asked and they were very angry at me even suggesting such a thing!!
I have been thinking about this for several years, mostly dreaming about it, but now I really like its time for action, the stress level at my job is getting out of control, ( I am very ashamed to say that i will even sneak some nite time liquid medicine to make me sleep at night,since my mind is so full of the days activites..if my husband knew any of this he would be very,very upset with me...I am not proud of this,its embrassing even writing it).
I think its time for me to rethink about my future,and what really is important.money or health????
thank you xxxxxxxxx
01-13-2012, 08:10 PM #9
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I'm a stay at home wife. We don't have children and are planning not to have any. I work but I do so based at home. I actually love it. I contribute both in terms of actual income and because I put a tremendous amount of effort and time into saving us money - comparison shopping, scratch cooking, researching, walking everywhere to save on gas - if I didn't have time to do all that, we would spend more. And the home is a fantastic environment because I am here. I know that Dh appreciates what I do but I still feel guilty that I don't contribute more money than I do - I am applying for regular jobs but of course until I find one, I'm going to be the lower earner. I'd be happy with a regular part-time job too but the income would probably be lower than what I earn now.
01-13-2012, 08:28 PM #10
if i had 20 hours a week to put into couponing baking and doing things myself...but with working almost 40 hours a week and spending another 10 driving blah.....i just dont have the time....i fee like i am missing out on my childrens lives...I have a 16 year old who needs his mommy to be home so that i can kick his butt when it needs to be kicked...(not really kick his butt) but to monitor what he does etc..however dh cannot work due to back issues...so i am stuck being the major bread winner but am constantly trying to think of things that i could do closer to home and only part time thinking that my savings that i would have during that 20 hours could be counted towards my income...not gonna happen anytime really soon but would love to get an ef fund set up just in case one l day i go in and cant take it any longer i could get done...
01-13-2012, 08:48 PM #11
omg...I feel really bad for you, 10 hrs a week driving, is that for your job??
that must be so hard,cant even imagine how worn out you must feel.
guess, I should stop feeling so sorry for myself, I really do sound weak and selfish compared to people like you.
sending you a hug..
01-13-2012, 08:57 PM #12
nah dont feel sorry for me....seriously
most days i love my job.....i love working with the kiddos and some days are so rewarding...like last year we had a little boy who did not talk at all...all he could do was grunt and scream(i work with special needs children)...we kept telling the higher ups that this child needed to be in the 1:1 CLASSROOM...my classroom is a 1:2....this year they finally listened and put him in the 1:1 classroom and the other day i heard him in the hall and he was talking saying real words...i was in tears listening to him....and then he has not seen me for five or six months and the teacher he was with asked him what my name was and out it came....sissa for melissa but i took it anyway...i of course started crying then...amazing and that is what its all about and those are the times i need to think about when i am at my breaking point...those beautiful beautiful children....but back to the point...its okay to feel the way you feel and if you can financially afford to stay home then so be it...I would say go for it...
01-13-2012, 08:58 PM #13
I understand. I remember when I was in college thinking it is about a full time job just taking care of this apartment and being a grown up! I have been a SAHM my entire adult life- had a baby right after I graduated from college and have been very blessed to be able to be home with my kids. Recently I started working very part time outside of the home and you know what? I HATE it. I really love being home taking care of our home, cooking, etc. My husband and I always wanted a more traditional family. It works well for us. He works very long hours and doesn't have a lot of time to help out at home so me being home is essential to a happy house. I think if I were you I would try cutting my hours. Can you cut back to just a couple of days a week working? You might get the best of both worlds that way! Or can you find a hobby that pays a little bit of money so that you can at least feel like you are contributing? Or look at how much you can save by being home and doing all of the cooking, growing food, etc. I think that through all of the woman's movement the one thing we kind of feel guilty now is the right to just stay home and be a homemaker. If it is what you want to do go for it
01-14-2012, 12:48 AM #14
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June65, have you talked with your husband about this? From your post, I'm can't tell for sure. If you haven't, the first step is to talk about it. Show him what you posted here. He may be very happy to have a stay at home wife and was just thinking that you were so happy in your job that staying at home wouldn't interest you. Tell him about all of the "pros" of staying at home and if he does agree with you, don't feel guilty if you decide to quit your job. You only have one life. If this is a dream of yours, then do your best to make it happen. Good luck!
01-14-2012, 08:41 AM #15
We have no children to home and I work only PT just enough to give us some play money for the week. I clean two houses a week and this makes me feel good. I take care of the house and the yard work so my DH does not have to do anything when he gets home from work. I have plenty of time to do work for my church and be on standby to help anyone who needs it. Both DH and I enjoy this life style and by Gods grace we can keep it.
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