Just quit my job to come home BUT

**hmcart** · 01-14-2012, 10:05 PM

Im going to be honest. I personally would never make a decision that huge if my husband and I didnt agree, however, I dont know the whole story and I am sure your reasoning was good so I will pray that everything works out for you. I hate that you are dealing with so much.

**Sophiasmama** · 01-15-2012, 10:40 AM

I have an idea, why not show your DH how much money you save by staying home, do a pros and cons list... thats what I always do to help me make decisions.

**Squidge** · 01-15-2012, 12:06 PM

Being in a relationship is about being a unified working unit, sure, but that doesn't mean that one half can't sometimes be flat out wrong on some things. The kids are a part of the family unit too and based on what you said, your job was resulting in their schooling and their well-being suffering so you made a decision that would change the situation - one thing's for sure, if you had kept doing what you were doing, you were going to keep getting the same results and your kids would have continued suffering for it.

In terms of getting your husband on board with this: addressing any legitimate concerns he has about losing your income and making an action plan to counteract the downsides would help (if he is willing to talk to you). Would it be possible to reach a compromise whereby you maybe take part-time work that doesn't over-work you?

**annymoll** · 01-15-2012, 12:25 PM

You could always do a compromise also where your husband helps out with the cooking, cleaning,yardwork. Or let these things go and let your husband manage the way in which they will be done.This is not just about your children or your time. It is also about the relationship you have with your husband. It does not appear that he is very concerned about you as a person, only as a mother, a cook, a housekeeper, a laundress. You are not out of line to have enough esteem for yourself that you make changes to protect your health .You are not out of line to stand up and say enough. Of course he will be upset. You have been carrying responsibilities that he should have shared with you.He has been okay with that. You have abducted from the Superwoman role. Now he has the sole responsibility of something. There is nothing wrong with making money and understanding it's value and how it works for you. The love of money is another thing.What does your husband value most?If it is money, he can work two jobs. You have, for years.

**monkeywrangler71** · 01-15-2012, 12:27 PM

When we made the decision for me to stay home I added up the actual financial cost of me working (primarily daycare, but also parking, gas, clothing, etc.), turned out I wasn't making very much. I also came up with a list of things that I was going to commit to doing in order to save on expenses while I was home. For us that was hanging laundry, cooking, and cloth diapering. In the end we didn't suffer financially from me being home because I was able to significantly reduce our expenses.

I guess my point is, if the primary concern is financial, then you need to make a financial case for your decision.

**annymoll** · 01-15-2012, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by annymoll

You could always do a compromise also where your husband helps out with the cooking, cleaning,yardwork. Or let these things go and let your husband manage the way in which they will be done.This is not just about your children or your time. It is also about the relationship you have with your husband. It does not appear that he is very concerned about you as a person, only as a mother, a cook, a housekeeper, a laundress. You are not out of line to have enough esteem for yourself that you make changes to protect your health .You are not out of line to stand up and say enough. Of course he will be upset. You have been carrying responsibilities that he should have shared with you.He has been okay with that. You have abducted from the Superwoman role. Now he has the sole responsibility of something. There is nothing wrong with making money and understanding it's value and how it works for you. The love of money is another thing.What does your husband value most?If it is money, he can work two jobs. You have, for years.

PS- I meant to say abdicated, not abducted. My husband is out in the car honking- time to go!I can't think straight when I am being rushed along. Grrrrr. Hugs kiddo.

**mombottoo** · 01-15-2012, 12:59 PM

Your dh is being unreasonable and so far as some posters thinking your decision is "being defiant"...children are defiant, adults make up their own minds. You talked to your dh, you obviously weren't on the same page and that's okay. Your dh will have to adjust. To expect anyone to do all that you were doing is just ludicrous.

I commend you for standing up for your needs and your children's needs. While you may end up suffering repercussions for your decision in the long run you won't regret it.

I would still check with the fair labor board and I would sue the pants off the school district because they are breaking the law...but, that's just me.

Best of luck and I hope your dh comes around...

**Wendy99** · 01-15-2012, 02:36 PM

I don't have a lot to say except that I feel for you and I support your decision fully. When no one watches out for you, you have to do that yourself. I'm afraid of what may have happened had you continued to pull yourself in so many directions. My gut says there are other reasons your dh wants you to keep working - maybe he's jealous that you 'get' to stay at home while he works. Maybe he doesn't understand that homeschooling and taking care of the house is a full time job in itself? Honestly, I would suggest counselling for you both. I hope everything works out alright and honestly I really support your decision to quit.

**sunflowers*8890** · 01-15-2012, 05:02 PM

" I guess you would have to know him, but truly he just cares about me making money. He really doesn't see why I can't just do everything. Sometimes, he would get home from work before I did, but I was still expected to make dinner, do dishes, clean the entire house, do school work with the kids, etc. He does absolutely no house work, yard work, cooking, etc. He makes enough money to have $2000 left over at the end of the month after we pay all of our bills, groceries, gas, and tithing to our church."

This says it all. I'm shocked by how many posters on here think this woman should be submissive to a husband who has so little regard for her or the children.

$2000 left at the end of the month? Sounds like he has plenty to pay alimony & child support. Wendy is absolutely right... counseling would be good idea.

**mndtrp** · 01-15-2012, 06:29 PM

Originally Posted by sunflowers*8890

This says it all. I'm shocked by how many posters on here think this woman should be submissive to a husband who has so little regard for her or the children.

Considering quite a few people posted before all of the information came to light, I don't see how you can hold them accountable for these thoughts.

I support the OPs decision, but she's got things to work out with her husband. It's apparent he doesn't think he need to do anything beyond bringing home a paycheck. If this arrangement works, fantastic, although it sounds like it doesn't.

**erinalexmom** · 01-15-2012, 08:22 PM

I think you are making the right decision. Best of luck to you

**Ceashels** · 01-15-2012, 09:08 PM

I took the time to read all your posts and would have been able to come to my opinion more easily if more information had been included in your original post.

I think you made a great decision for yourself AND your family.

It doesn't sound as if your husband's priorities are where they need to be. I wonder if you tallied up the hours you work as a teacher, as a home maker, and the part time job he wants you to keep... he would realize that you work three times what he does. I hope he comes around to that concept as your situation can brood some resentment for both of you if not taken care of now.

Kudos to you.