Just quit my job to come home BUT
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  1. #1
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    Default Just quit my job to come home BUT

    My husband is not supportive of this decision at all. I have 3 kids at home and we can easily afford for me to stay home with them. Does anyone here have a problem with an unsupportive spouse? How do you deal with it?
    We are a christian family and I made the decision with a lot of prayer and took the input from my dh. I still feel that it is the best decision to come home with my kids.

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    Hi,
    Congrtas!!!! you are braver than me, I wish I had the courage to do what you have just done, I think we posted at the same time, I am wanting to quit my job,but do not have the courage,
    Surely your husband will come to term with the situation when he see how much less stressed out you are , and how much haapier you will be staying at home, taking care of the home and your family.

    give it time, best of luck xxxx

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    Wow, I don't know that I would defy my husband, without a very compelling reason.

    I wish you the best in your decision.

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    Registered User annymoll's Avatar
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    It's a good thing your husband did not come home that very day saying the same thing!

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    Quote Originally Posted by known2him5 View Post
    Wow, I don't know that I would defy my husband, without a very compelling reason.

    I wish you the best in your decision.
    I guess I felt like it was a compelling reason. My job was expecting me to work 40 hours per week, but only paid me for 19 hours (I'm paid hourly, not salaried). On top of working a 40 hour week, I was supposed to be homeschooling my kids. I have 2 kids with problems that prevent them from going to public school. One has severe asthma that puts her in the hospital several times a year. She missed 30 days of school the last year she was in public school because of this. We were on the verge of having to go to court for missing too much school. My son has autism and our school district has refused him services because of their "budget cuts". So, it was a lot to be able to handle frankly.

    So, by the time I worked a 40 hour week, homeschooled 3 kids, cleaned the house, and made meals from scratch each day, it was just too overwhelming. The job was super stressful and I would find myself just neglecting the needs of my kids in order to get everything else done. In the end, I felt like the needs of my kids were more important than dh being mad for a week or two. It really was a heart-wrenching decision that I did not take lightly.

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    Registered User annymoll's Avatar
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    I have to ask:What did you do in your free time?LOL!This sounds like the emancipation of a slave. I would have quit too.Good luck, and enjoy some down time.

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    Registered User sunflowers*8890's Avatar
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    What reasons could your husband possibly have for wanting you to continue working, especially if you can afford to stay home?

    And you can bet I would "defy" him. He doesn't sound very compassionate.

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    McD
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    How can a company legally pay you for 19 hours when you work 40?

    I would have inquired with the labor board.

    I can understand your husband's anger. You made a life changing decision without him. That is a tough pill to swallow when you are supposed to be in a partnership


    Best of luck to you.
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    Registered User sunflowers*8890's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by McD View Post
    How can a company legally pay you for 19 hours when you work 40?

    I would have inquired with the labor board.

    I can understand your husband's anger. You made a life changing decision without him. That is a tough pill to swallow when you are supposed to be in a partnership


    Best of luck to you.
    But in the first post, she states that "she took the input from her husband". So he was involved in the decision.

    Excuse me if this topic hits a nerve. Working full time with 3 kids, one with autism, when you can manage without the extra income? And handling all the housework? Her husband sounds like a disrespectful bully.

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    I don't think public schools can legally refuse a child service unless the child has been expelled for some serious offense.
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    “Anything you cannot relinquish when it has outlived its usefulness possesses you.” -Mildred Lisette Norman
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    McD
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunflowers*8890 View Post
    But in the first post, she states that "she took the input from her husband". So he was involved in the decision.

    Excuse me if this topic hits a nerve. Working full time with 3 kids, one with autism, when you can manage without the extra income? And handling all the housework? Her husband sounds like a disrespectful bully.
    Ooooh I missed that. Sorry OP.

    I would still check with the labor board. If you cN prove hours worked without compensation, you may be entitled to back pay.
    McD
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spirit Deer View Post
    I don't think public schools can legally refuse a child service unless the child has been expelled for some serious offense.
    Good point. I made this point several times. We actually fought them on the issue for 3 years before giving up and bringing him home. Their grand solution in the end was for me to follow him around school all day and give the services he needed myself. I figured if I was doing everything anyway, I might as well bring him home and do it there.

    As far as bringing the issue of the 19 hour pay for a 40 hour week to the labor commission, I am considering it right now but am unsure what will happen with it. I worked for the school district as the coordinator for all the after school programs. Sometimes as a person that works for the school district, they are unwilling to hear such cases because you should know going into it that it's going to require a lot of you. It is a position much different from a regular school teacher, however, in that school teachers are a salaried position and get time off to compensate for every time they have to stay after for conferences or things like that. This is an hourly position that only pays for 19 hours because after that many hours, the school district is supposed to pay for your benefits. Then, they require you to work 40 hours, but only claim 19.

    I did consult with dh before making the decision. We just had different opinions on what should happen.

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    Default okay so this statement struck me the wrong way...

    defy her husband....is he her boss? I mean i can understand your statement sort off like not sure i could have quit if my husband wasn't on board with it etc....i understand that a marriage is a two way street but to defy him sounds kind of harsh....

    Now to the original poster maybe do such a good job at taking care of the home that he will be thrilled at you making this decision...it will take time for him to realize that you probably made the right decision and not so sure about working 40 hours a week but only getting paid for 19 is legal...

    Quote Originally Posted by known2him5 View Post
    Wow, I don't know that I would defy my husband, without a very compelling reason.

    I wish you the best in your decision.

  14. #14
    Registered User MomToTwoBoys's Avatar
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    What I don't understand is if you took the input from your husband and he's upset by this, then how is it an issue? If he told you he'd be okay with it and then turned around and changed his mind, then I could see a good reason why. But, if he gave you negative input about it and you went ahead anyway, that's what's called defiance.

    As far as the autism issue is concerned, children with special needs are not supposed to be exempt from anything that they can use to better their education. If your school district is denying him services, that's a violation of the IDEA and Education for All Handicapped Children Act (which goes with the IDEA). There is a rule called the Zero Reject Rule in that courts have ruled that even if the student is completely incapable of benefiting from educational services and all efforts are futile—even if the child is unconscious or in a coma—the school is still required to provide educational services to the child.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MomToTwoBoys View Post
    What I don't understand is if you took the input from your husband and he's upset by this, then how is it an issue? If he told you he'd be okay with it and then turned around and changed his mind, then I could see a good reason why. But, if he gave you negative input about it and you went ahead anyway, that's what's called defiance.

    As far as the autism issue is concerned, children with special needs are not supposed to be exempt from anything that they can use to better their education. If your school district is denying him services, that's a violation of the IDEA and Education for All Handicapped Children Act (which goes with the IDEA). There is a rule called the Zero Reject Rule in that courts have ruled that even if the student is completely incapable of benefiting from educational services and all efforts are futile—even if the child is unconscious or in a coma—the school is still required to provide educational services to the child.
    My dh pretty much said "suck it up" and wanted me to continue with everything. It is far more important to him that I earn money than that the kids are taken care of. So, yes, I told him that I physically couldn't do it any more and that the kids were more important to me than the money. He stopped talking to me after that.

    With the school, they felt like they were following this rule by allowing him to come to regular class like everyone else. That just wasn't enough for him. The room was so loud that he would end up huddled in the corner crying. Kids with autism can't handle lots of noises all at the same time. Then, they would have timed tests. Every time a timed test came up, he would completely freak out and start banging his head on his desk. Then, he would have to stay in from recess as a punishment from not getting his timed test done. He consequently would fail all of his classes and come home to cry about what a failure he was. So, they would allow him to be in the classroom, but not give him the extra services he needed as a disabled individual (if that makes sense). They would just say over and over that there was no money in their budget to cover it.

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