Being a stay at home wife??

**Bounty** · 02-04-2012, 02:36 PM

I want to hear your opinions on my situation.I have been married for about 1.5 years now.I moved from another state to be with my hubby in our current state.During the 1.5 years we've been married,i was jobless till about 6 months ago when I finally got a fulltime position after looking for a while.

My current situation is that I totally hate my job.I took on way more than I could handle and do not like it.I dont mind the actual job if a day had 36 hours but I am barely able to keep up with all the responsibilities.Because of that,my boss is breathing down my neck everyday,reminding me how I'm not doing the job well and comparing me to others.To say its affecting my self esteem is an understatement-hearing how bad you are at your job everyday will do that to you.I cant seem to do anything right in her eyes.I am stressed out,having endless headaches,dread going to work and every minute that I have to be there just kills me slowly.

I am considering quiting and being a stay at home wife( wehave no kids).My husband is ok with that.We survived very well with one income when I was jobless and can afford to do that comfortably.If I did quit,I would probably work part time when I needed or voluteered at what I am actually passionate about.

My question is,would it be wrong to quit?I kinda feel bad and was very excited at the thought of finally contributing.I feel like I should just tough it out at my job(till they fire me or something)but i really do hate going to work everyday.I have a Masters degree and feel like I would be wasting all that time & money i spent going to school.I know I shouldnt care but I am also concerned about what people would say(living off my husband,etc)

Any thoughts on this?

**MissouriAngel** · 02-04-2012, 02:50 PM

I think that taking care of the home is contributing. It's a job in itself right there. I don't think anyone would think you're living off of your husband, at least in my area they wouldn't. So what if they did, it's your life.

**Libby** · 02-04-2012, 02:55 PM

Have you tried discussing this with your boss as mean as they seem? Perhaps mention that you feel the workload is just too much for you to try to accomplish daily and see if they can re-assign tasks etc until you get caught up. This discussion could go either way - it alleviates your stress and you begin to like/love your job OR they will see you as not being able to live up to their criteria and they may lay you off. By discussing this with your boss, it shows you took the initiative to try find a solution that would work out for both parties, which leaves you in a better light. At least you know you tried right?

Sometimes things aren't meant to work out and in the long run, things actually DO turn out for the better

**DWHISNANT** · 02-04-2012, 02:57 PM

I worked on a job for 9 years putting up with things you are now. It's not worth the stress or low self esteem and everything else that you are putting up with. If I was you I would tell her " TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT" You don't deserve being her punching bag. Hope this helps. Just don't invest yourself in a miserable job like I did. I finally got fired and I jumped for joy. I feel so much better without all that agravation and stress. I finally got my confidence back. Good luck.

**craftypam** · 02-04-2012, 03:09 PM

You know what I have to say about other people's opinions of what you and your dh choose to do? NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!! You get to choose how you live your life. I think if you are that miserable and you can afford to stay home. You should. Then if you want to get a job do that.
The only 2 people you should care about their opinions in this situation is your dh's and yours.
Let us know what you decide and good luck with your choice.

**Contrary Housewife** · 02-04-2012, 03:51 PM

I was in exactly your position once, Master's degree and everything. It's not worth the stress. Have you thought about finding a new job?

I was happy when they let me go. (If I had quit I would have owed thousands in relocation money) Well, I wasn't happy at first, but in the long run it was such a relief. And since it was their decision, I got unemployment for a while.

You can always "do something" with your degree at a later date or another location. I wouldn't worry about what people think right now. This is the wrong job for you.

**pammy** · 02-04-2012, 04:10 PM

I actually just did what you are wanting to do. With NO regrets!!! Been with company for 4 years, shift work, no holidays with family, just getting beaten down non-stop with 'budget cuts' ... ie. more work with less help... Just couldn't take it anymore more.

Right now my official title is Excellent Finanacial Manager of My Husbands Money... and he couldn't be happier. No kids at home, either, (she's grown). He loves that I spend my time finding ways to save money, pay off stuff, and have a hot meal when he comes home. JMO

**Bounty** · 02-04-2012, 04:32 PM

Libby,thier opinion is that those are the responsibilities of that particular position and whoever gets that job works those duties.Thats my boss' previous position before she was promoted and she keeps reminding me that she did all the things they are asking of me and more...of course she did,shes been with the company 20+ years.

Contrary housewife-I am considering work just contract jobs(or part-time) since they are so many in my field.That would leave me time to do other things that working full-time doesnt allow.

I have actually told my hubby that it would it would be such a relief if I got fired because I wouldnt have to put up with any of it.

**bunnys** · 02-04-2012, 04:37 PM

Your value as a woman is not conditional upon you raising children. So I really don't see the difference between SAHM and SAHW.

That said, there is an alternative to staying in your job that you hate and is killing you slowly and quitting and being a SAHW. You could find another job that you enjoy. If the money isn't that big a deal, don't worry about the salary and just find a job you think would be interesting and fun. Full or part time. Unless you'd prefer to stay at home.

Personally, I think that most people are happier, physically and mentally healthier and more interesting the more and different facets they have in their lives. Having a job outside the home provides you with a bunch more facets immediately and many opportunities for even more.

Good luck with your decision.

**Bounty** · 02-04-2012, 05:34 PM

Bunnys,i agree with you 100%...what I mean is for now,if I left without another job lined up,I would be a SAHW.It took me a while to get this job so I cant say how long I would stay home.

With that said,this job did make me realise that I dont really care for the field that I am in.Its just a job.I know I wouldnt want to be doing this 20 years down the line.So if I did quit,I plan on spending my time out of the workforce trying to figure out what I would really like to do(hence wanting volunteering for a few things that I have in mind,starting a business)instead of getting another job in the same same field.

**Libby** · 02-04-2012, 06:04 PM

Originally Posted by Bounty

Libby,thier opinion is that those are the responsibilities of that particular position and whoever gets that job works those duties.Thats my boss' previous position before she was promoted and she keeps reminding me that she did all the things they are asking of me and more...of course she did,shes been with the company 20+ years.

Contrary housewife-I am considering work just contract jobs(or part-time) since they are so many in my field.That would leave me time to do other things that working full-time doesnt allow.

I have actually told my hubby that it would it would be such a relief if I got fired because I wouldnt have to put up with any of it.

Some people feel they need to have control of others and they lift themselves up by pushing others down. In this case its you. I wonder if anyone's ever stood up to this woman and let her know that they are not her. Not saying you should have a confrontation with her but maybe a gentle reminder could be all that it takes. Everyone has their own way of doing things and prioritizing - shes got all those years of experience over you yet she fails to realize that.

I'm sorry that you're stuck with a cow for a boss.

I totally "get" what you're saying - why stay in a job in which you hate going to and how you're treated but there is a right and wrong way to leave a company. That's for you to decide. I've done both ways before and to be honest...I do not regret those moments one bit. Again, its all up to personal choice.

**dancemommy** · 02-04-2012, 07:04 PM

Sorry you are in that situation. I am a SAHM, but I could be pretty busy being at home if we didn't have children. Our kids are all in school full time and my days are just as busy as when they were little- just different busy. I do have a small business and work when I want to work- about 10 hours a week. Maybe once the pressure is taken away you will stumble upon something you love. And even if you don't, really, keeping a home can be a full time job. I have a masters degree too- even though I don't directly use my degree, it is useful to have. Good luck!!

**hnybny91** · 02-04-2012, 08:00 PM

I say stay at home if you can comfortably afford it and maybe get a part time job if you start to go stir crazy. Contributing to the household by taking care of the house (kids or not) is a MAJOR contribution, IMO. I just spent three months looking for a job but in those three months my husband had a meal waiting for him when he got home and never once had to lift a finger to clean or shop or pay bills or ANYTHING. Now that I have a job he has to pitch in more so he is probably wishing we could live off of his income alone...lol

**lisaflex** · 02-04-2012, 10:07 PM

no job is worth beating your self esteem over...i didnt even read others posts...no need to feel bad about yourself...do what is best for you...and for dh...and your home...and, to me, that sounds like going in on monday and quitting..give your 2 wks notice and be on your way to being happier....happiness is so important. dont put it to the wayside for the paycheck...things happen for a reason. so, do what you need to do and live your life happy as we only get one goaround....

**mamamia** · 02-05-2012, 12:12 AM

Originally Posted by lisaflex

no job is worth beating your self esteem over...i didnt even read others posts...no need to feel bad about yourself...do what is best for you...and for dh...and your home...and, to me, that sounds like going in on monday and quitting..give your 2 wks notice and be on your way to being happier....happiness is so important. dont put it to the wayside for the paycheck...things happen for a reason. so, do what you need to do and live your life happy as we only get one goaround....

This is EXACTLY what I was going to say, except I'll add that it seems inevitable (SP?), if not necessary for your mental health that you're going to leave, so why continue the misery? I say follow your heart on this one.

Hoping the best for you!

Theresa

do keep us posted.