Well, looks like I'm going to be a SAHM...

Telephus44 · 10-02-2006, 08:58 PM

I know that I mentioned this in my thread announcing the birth of my son, but here's the news with all the gory details..

The company that I work for is closing the plant I work in. The facility here in Worcester, MA is being consolidated with another facility in Williamsburg PA. I'm not sure when the exact announcement was made, but I was told on Thursday, 9/21, the day after my son was born (yes, while I was still in the hospital).

The goods news: since I am technically on leave, I can't be laid off until I return from leave (Owen picked the right time to come - 3 weeks early!). I'll draw short-term disability, which is 60% of my pay, until I'm cleared to return to work, which should be 6-8 weeks. After that, I will receive a severance package with 5 weeks of full pay plus 2 weeks of vacation that I'm owed. After that, I'm planning on collecting unemployment, which should cover me for another 30 weeks at 50% pay. So in total, I'll have a check for the next 41-43 weeks.

I really feel kind of lost, honestly. I never pictured myself as a SAHM, and even though I love my son to death, I can't stop crying whenever I think about not going back to my job. I really loved my job and the company I worked for. I feel that I've been forced into this position and backed into a corner. Sometimes I worry that feeling this way makes me a bad mom (although DH is nice enough to re-assure me everytime that I'm a great mom).

Did anyone else have a rough transition to being a SAHM, or have any advice? I'm really not looking to throw myself into a Martha Stewart fantasy land (you know - with all the free time I have I can make my own landry soap and have a home-cooked three course meal on the table every day, and my house will be sparkling), but I'm also having trouble just being a SAHM. This was my first day and all I did was go and visit my mom.

Michelle68 · 10-02-2006, 09:09 PM

Well, not being a SAHM, I can't answer your question but I just wanted to say that the fact that you're worrying about what kind of mom you've been says that you're a darn good mom because you want to be the very best! I think that visiting your mom is something that you need to do right now, don't feel bad about it. As a new mom, you need the advice and support of someone who's been there already. Who better to offer that than your own mom? Hang in there, I truly believe that things happen for a reason.

--Michelle

AmyBoz · 10-02-2006, 09:15 PM

Sara, There is nothing wrong with you for wanting more. It absolutely does not make you a bad mom. If anything, you are a very well-rounded mom with many facets to your life.
Is there a reason why you can't look for a similar job when you are ready to return to work? I know your particular plant is closing down...is this in an industry where you could find another job nearby? Would you be able to find something similar? Or, do you think you'd consider a change in career? Find something else that you might enjoy?
For now, rest and recover and enjoy being with Owen. I have to say that from most of your posts, you sound a lot like me and will probably get the whole routine of being home down pretty quickly, if you haven't already. Once you do, then you can start thinking about work. The best thing is that you are at least getting paid some portion of your salary and that you can make a careful, considered decision about where to go next without struggling too much.
Let us know how the decision-making goes!

4islandgirls · 10-03-2006, 03:40 AM

I also had a job that I loved and yet I had always known that I wanted to be a SAHM. Each person is different and you have to decide what you really want to do and what is best for you. At first I felt so lost, and to be honest, not very important. However, as the baby began to get busy, and not just sleep, I got a lot busier too. Also, there is a huge adjustment with the loss of interaction. However, 8 years and 3 kids later...I can honestly say that I absolutely love staying at home. I have never, ever, felt this fulfilled. And I used to pray "God please give me a heart for my home," because my heart really wasn't there, I really wanted to be out in the world, doing things. Now, if I had to go to work and send my kids to school (we homeschool), I would be devestated and feel so cheated of that time that I get to spend with them. And also, as far as adult interaction goes, I probably turn down 2-3 outings a week, just because I am getting too much interaction and not enough work done. So, I just wanted to say that I now where you are coming from, and also, it is normal to worry about being a good mom. And like the other poster said, you are a good mom, the bad ones probably couldn't care less if they are good or not! Like any other major adjustment it takes time for you to find your groove, but if it is something that you really decide that you want to do, you may just find yourself loving it down the road.

Darlene · 10-03-2006, 06:57 AM

Sorry about your job Sara.
This is the perfect time for you to follow a new path...always wanted to write? Go back to school to get more education? Start your own business?Lots of doors are open for you.

Can't wait to see what wonderful thing happens for you next!

thriftstorequeen · 10-03-2006, 07:33 AM

Hi! I'm still sahm and my kids are grown and gone. I love it. I can do what I want with my time. When the kids were little (I have 5) I'd do alot visiting too. I truely loved being there for that first tooth, crawing walking, ect. My hubby likes me being home too. Whenever I bring up going to work now he just says "why". We bought a house and aways had two cars. We even had all our kids in Christian school at the same time. My hubby has a factory job. We never went hungry or cold. It would probably be nice for you to have a network of friends so that you'll keep somewhat connected to the world. I'll keep you in my prayers and hope all goes well. Enjoy your boy and this new part of your life.

celina · 10-03-2006, 08:45 AM

by the end of your unemployement, little guy will be INTO everything and will have his own personality in full swing and then decide....nothing says you cant decide at any point....keep your eyes and ears open....and do what feels right...so its normal to be sad...its an emotional time regardless and full of changes w/o the job front changing too.....

in canada we get 52 weeks paid maternity leave from the goverment at about 55% of pay..... just look at it that way, lots of mom's decide to return to work, others decide they belong at home...but at least you have a real amnt of time to judge for yourself

MOMMYDEAREST · 10-03-2006, 10:33 AM

you should feel very lucky to be able to stay home with owen. being a sahm will all fall into place. it will all work out for the best. i'm a sahm to my dd who is 3, but we also do foster care, so at times i'm a sahm to 6-7 kids. hang in there, you are a great mom sara!!!

Valerie in WA · 10-03-2006, 12:25 PM

Honey, you've been a Mama for all of 13 days. You still have hormones diddling about and your incision is bugging you.

Just take your 6-8 week leave. Take the 5 week severance package, plus your 2 weeks vacation. That puts things out at about 4 months. If at that time you are feeling like you want to get a job, you can look for one. No one said you can't!!

But if you find that you are enjoying being a SAHM, you have the opportunity to collect unemployment for another six months. Then if you want to keep staying home, you can. But if you don't want to, you don't have to.

I think it's normal to grieve the loss of a job you enjoyed. That's okay. You have permission to cry, to feel angry, to feel dumped in a corner.

You also don't have to decide anything right now.

I think that as Owen grows, you may find yourself feeling more interested in staying home. I know you love him, but face it: 13-day-old babies aren't very interesting. LOL. KWIM? But when he starts smiling and cooing and laughing and talking...

SHOPGIRL · 10-03-2006, 06:29 PM

Sara,

Your unemployment status is most likely temporary. Just enjoy being home right now. I'm sure you could find a new job/career when the time is right. You just had a baby so just think of it as a long maternity leave. In some ways, your really lucky. He's only little for a short time. Just because your unemployed now, doesn't mean you have to stay home forever. Maybe you'll find something out there totally different than what you did before. Just because one door closes, doesn't mean another one can't open. Give yourself a couple months to adjust as a mom, then look at all your options.

thrifty gal · 10-03-2006, 06:55 PM

Sorry about your job. I never thought of myself as a SAHM. In fact, when I was going through the "baby blues" not working was a big part of the depression I was experiencing. But, because of the cost of daycare, etc it would not be worth it now for me to work. Soo, one day I woke up and told myself that if I am going to be a SAHM, then I am going to give it my best just like I would a job outside of the home. Being a SAHM can be wonderful! Somedays, I wonder how working women pull it off! I don't think I could now!

Now, that being said, I agree with others. You don't have to make any huge decision just yet. It's wonderful that you are going to get paid for that amount of time! So, take it, enjoy it and enjoy that baby!

miss_thrifty · 10-03-2006, 07:20 PM

sra all i can say is big huuugggsssss, take care of your self, and you are not a bad mom. Hormones are a big thing right now, I rememeber after having my boys. The loss of your job is understanble for u being upset.
Wait for awhile, and think about it, maybe ull wnat to find work later , maybe not, and thats alright. Enjoy that little guy.

Jill B. · 10-03-2006, 08:20 PM

Hi Sara,
I am pretty new here but have been a SAHM wannabee for years. I have read so many different things about it. If you are a reader, a good book to read is "Staying Home: From Full time professional to Full Time parent". There are other books too. The Stay-at-home Parents survival Guide, is another.

I always had fun staying home with my kids because I found the friendship of other women very satisfying. There are moms clubs and other groups for women. I think the group is the International Moms clubs. Also try a Newcomer's club. There are other web sites for groups across the country. They usually have outing planned for the kids and some just for moms (like an evening book group or a mom's night out) That may help you to adjust and to realize you can have fun.

Also, I think hormones are playing a part in making you upset. And, like the others said, if you want to go back to work, then you can get another job. Good luck.

kabin63 · 10-03-2006, 08:48 PM

I have been a SAHM off and on for the last 13 years. I love being home, because of the freedom to be available when she is sick or having a bad day, etc....When I worked my DD had more anxiety and it was so hard to get through the day. I always knew I would be a SAHM.
I had post partum depression for a couple of months after she was born. I cried for no apparent reason all the time, probably should have seen the doctor about it, but got past it. Honestly, I worried constantly about being a good mom. I have learned to relax a little and just enjoy my DD while she is growing up. I get anxiety at the thought of ever having to return to work, even if it is inevitable at some point....
Hang in there, you will do just fine. Enjoy the moments while you can, because they grow so fast.

FarmerSue · 10-03-2006, 10:30 PM

Hi Sara
Congratulations on the birth of your healthy baby! I stayed home after my first was born and I remember it like it was yesterday! I used to pace around the house bored ou of my mind, one eye on my son and one on the door waiting for my hubby to get home. Lots of raging hormones and stuck out in the boonies with nothing to do. Then my days started to develope some order to them and the weather got better and we got out of the house. The first few weeks are a blur and the first few months aren't that much better. Pretty soon he'll coo and smile and SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!!!!!! That is REALLY hard on a lot of people, more than you think. A good nights sleep can really help with your perspective. Take care Sara and try to relax and enjoy these first few months!